Soul Saving
by LoveIsMyDrug
Summary: Sometimes you fall so deep you lose yourself. We can help each other get back up. Eclare.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Okay, I own nothing, if I owned Degrassi, Drew would have his shirt off all the time, well actually all of the guys would be shirtless all the time. Clare and Eli would be like married, Declan and Holly J. would have never broken up and a bunch of other stuff. Yeah, okay so I'm obsessed with this couple. Eclare is currently my life! I've read and alerted every single multi-chapter story about them. Well the ones that are longish. Eli is like the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen on Degrassi, like I'm such a sucker for guys in black, and not to mention SKINNY JEANS. Guys in skinny jeans=definition of hot. **

**Also, KC and Clare are still dating and Jenna is still friends with Clare in the story. But everyone suspects KC and Jenna of having a 'thing' for each other. Okay, so I have nothing about them to read left so I'm going to write one. Yeah, I don't own anything blah blah blah. By the way, I'm so in love with Munro Chambers, I swear to god I'm going to marry him. Damn that boy is hot. And also, when I saw 'My Body Is a Cage Part 2" I cried so hard. Omg I freaking love Adam!.**

**Also, I heard about how next week Clare and Eli… HEATING UP. SHIT I'm so excited for that! I really want to type in all capital letters but I really hate that, but that's just how excited I am. I started screaming when I found out. Also in the last episode of the boiling point… Eli wears **_**red**_**. I was like so surprised. Yeah. I also read in the comment parts that like Eli's ex girlfriend died in his car or something like he killed her? Yeah, I want to watch it so bad! I'm super anxious. Okay, anyways, I love you Degrassi wikia thing, that's how I found everything out. But I just want to say, usually my disclaimers aren't this short. I was just so excited about this pairing I couldn't help myself. Shutting up now. **

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_Eli's P.O.V._

She stood there pouting with a blank expression on her face. I don't think she understands how much of an effect she has on me. If I could I would grab her face and just kiss her silly. Everything about that girl is so perfect, from her beautiful curvy figure, to her luscious, wavy, auburn hair, to her sweet and innocent face. My absolute favorite part of her has to be her eyes. They just stick out, if there was a portrait of her in black and white, her eyes would still be an icy blue.

The second thing I said to her was that her eyes were pretty. I meant it, they were absolutely stunning. I had to rip my eyes away from her in order to refrain from looking like an idiot.

No matter how cliché it sounds, I could imagine her eyes being an ocean and I would swim in it. I looked at her dainty porcelain hand and longed to hold it in mine. I wanted her so badly and I wanted to hold her and whisper sweet nothings in her ear. But alas, she was too shy to admit she had a thing for me.

I loved annoying her, getting under her skin and making her pretend to hate me. I loved teasing her about everything. She would never admit it, but she loved it when I was sarcastic and I probably rubbed off on her more than I intended to. I love the way she would bite her lip when she was nervous or deep in thought and how when something surprised or scared her, she would open her blue eyes so wide they would almost pop out. I love how she's so competitive towards me and tries to prove me wrong for everything.

When I heard about being partners with her in English class I wanted to jump for joy. When she agreed to skip class with me I wanted to throw a party. When she touched my lip after my fight with Fitz I wanted to capture her own in mine. She had me wrapped around her little delicate fingers and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yes, I like Clare Edwards and I'm not afraid to admit it.

Despite my black clothing, I have a thing for smart girls. Hell, I just have a thing for _Clare_. She's not like other girls, but I thing everyone knows that. She's so innocent, she's so kind. She would do anything for a friend and she doesn't act shallow. She doesn't care for her figure and isn't a freaking stick. To me she was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen before. I was actually quite confused as to why she was on earth with me as opposed to being in heaven as an angel.

There was only one bad part of Clare. Just one little snag in the road. That problem was her _boyfriend. _KC was an okay guy, but he just doesn't care about like I do, no one does. I've seen him wink at blondie, and I've seen his eyes linger on her for just a second too long. His attention just isn't one hundred percent on Clare like mine would be. But Clare, like I said before, is too innocent for her own good. She's too naïve to notice that her boyfriend is interested in another girl, even if he tries not to be. I don't blame him, you can't help who you fall for. Just like I couldn't help falling for an angel who was already taken.

All I could do is hope. Hope that one day she would maybe fall for me like I've fallen for her. But I can't push her, for now I just want to be her friend, and be there for her. I want her to be able to open up to me and to trust me with her inner most thoughts. When she told me about her parents I was almost as devastated as she was. How could such a beautiful creature come from such a horrible home.

She had amazing writing skills. She was just in a hole, she was just afraid of baring her soul to the entire world, nothing too big. I felt proud that I could help her overcome her fear and face her mother, but I regretted pushing her too hard. I didn't want to scare the poor girl.

There was no way to describe my desire for her. I wanted to clutch onto her small frame and never let go. Although I've known her for a little over a month, I wanted to spend all my time with her. I wanted to find out everything about her. I wanted to know her as if I've known her for my entire life. And I want her to want me.

A voice broke me away from my thoughts, "Eli! Get your useless ass down here!" I scrambled out of bed and grabbed a pair of shorts. I ran downstairs and waited for the pain to come. My father was obviously drunk and was swaying around a little. The floor was covered with bottles of beer and there was a stench of vomit mixed with alcohol.

"Where were you today? When I got home you were gone so I went back out to Caroline's house"

Caroline's his prostitute girlfriend. They fuck all the time.

"I was uh… hanging out with my friends," I managed to spit out.

"Yeah? What friends, you're a _loser!_" He said as he slapped me. My cheek stung a little but it wasn't anything terrible.

"You don't deserve anything. You can't be happy!" He yelled as he kicked me in the gut. I doubled over in pain and fell on the floor.

"Get up, you pussy! You weak little bitch," He kicked me in between every single word. The less I responded, the easier I get off, so I just shut up

I felt my stomach bruise more and more with each hit. I wanted to cry and scream out, but that would only make everything worse. I felt the hurt take over my whole body as he continued yelling ugly words at me. He was careful not to hit me where it was too visible. He didn't want the cops to find out or anything. He grabbed an empty beer bottle and threw it at me. Of course, he missed but when it hit the back of my ankle

When he was finally done with me, he muttered, "I'm going to go to Vegas with Caroline. I won't be back until next Monday. The house better be spotless when I get back" and walked to his bedroom.

I rolled over in pain and onto my stomach. I reached over to my leg and pulled out the glass. It hurt like hell, but I did it quick. It was completely covered in my blood. I groaned and attempted standing up. I fell against the wall and hopped on my good leg up the stairs. I fell and collapsed onto my bed.

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The next morning I woke up and my whole body was sore. I let out a sigh and hopped out of bed, well more like limped. I wobbled to the bathroom and got in the shower. The hot water felt insanely good. It was refreshing. Although the water was boiling hot, I didn't mind, it washed away all the pain from last night with new pain. After scrubbing away blood and washing my hair and body, I got out and dried off.

I realized my _father_ was gone for a whole week. Sure, for other kids that's cool, a chance to throw a party or something, but for me, that was a whole week of pure _heaven._ No physical pain no one telling me how useless I am or how much of a mistake I am. I smiled a little bit and pulled on my boxers, then my black shirt, then my skinny jeans, my belt, and last my blazer.

I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my car keys before taking an apple and walking out of the house and into my hearse to go to school. I switched from scared little boy into suave, charming, sarcastic Eli so I could be myself and have no one suspect anything. If anyone found out my dad would kill me. _Literally._

I pulled up into my parking spot and power walked to Clare's locker to talk to her knowing I was a few minutes late. Of course she was there with KC, the Muslim girl, and blondie. Clare was the first to spot me and waved in my direction. I gave her that head nod thing and walked towards her. I ignored the burning pain in my stomach and leg and tried walking normally.

"Hey, how are you?" She asked with a hint of worry in her eyes. It made me feel wanted, like someone cared.

"I'm fine, why?" I questioned back.

"Well last night I was calling you and stuff, I've been trying to get a hold of you so you could help me work on my English paper. But you wouldn't respond."

"Oh um," I winced in pain at the thought of last night, "I was out with my dad. We went to dinner because he wanted to do some bonding or whatever."

"Oh okay," She said before flashing me a smile and getting some books from her locker.

"See you in class," I muttered.

I walked to my locker and grabbed all the shit I needed for my next three lessons. I was looking forward to that one class right after lunch that I shared with Clare. **English class.**

I was checking my phone and saw that I had six missed calls from Clare and three text messages. I smirked and put my phone away in my bag. I saw I had finally reached my destination. I walked into the history room and prepared for an hour of boredom. I had the class with the Indian girl's boyfriend. None of my friends were actually in the class.

I thought about how I was a loser and how most of my friends were in grade ten and I was in grade eleven. I chuckled slightly at the thought and went back to doodling on my hands with the black sharpie. After class I ran saw Fitz and Owen. See, normally I would have ignored them but Owen had Adam draped on his shoulder. Adam was struggling to get free. He was kicking and wailing around to no avail.

"Dude! What's your problem? Put him down!" I yelled.

"Don't you mean _her?"_ He responded.

"Put me down!" Adam screeched, but was only ignored.

"What the hell do you mean?" I asked frustrated.

" I mean your little girlfriend was in the wrong bathroom and I have to teach her a lesson!" He chuckled. Fitz joined in laughing.

There was no way I could take them both down, but I had to get Adam off of his shoulders and onto the ground.

I walked straight up to Owen and punched him in the face. He obviously wasn't very affected by it and reached for my shirt. He only had one hand available and Adam was flailing his arms in his face so Owen was too distracted.

Fitz came up to me and punched my mouth. That actually really hurt because it was still sore from yesterday and I spit out the blood. I punched him in the nose and I heard a crack, but I couldn't stop there and I kneed him in the balls just like he did to me.

"Payback's a bitch," I muttered and turned to Owen.

"Put him down," I demanded because I couldn't take him on.

"Hmm… Let me think about it," he pretended to stroke his imaginary beard, "No."

I couldn't do anything and before I could even blink he threw Adam at the glass door and walked away with Fitz. I kneeled down by Adam and asked him if he was okay.

"I'm fine, Eli," He said in a strained voice.

I helped him up and brought him to the bathroom. I was still very confused as to why he got beat up in the first place and why they were calling him a girl. I would just ask him about it later, now wasn't the right time.

* * *

The next day I got to school and saw Clare. We walked over to one of the picnic tables outside of the school. She told me she saw something weird about Adam too, but didn't tell me what yet. I texted Adam to meet us here so we could discuss it.

"Well, yesterday I bumped into Adam and he dropped some tampons. Fitz came over and teased him about it so he told them they were mine. I didn't mind but it was weird," She stated.

"Are you sure they were tampons? What could he need them for?" I asked. It kind of hit me by surprise.

"A nosebleed?" She offered.

That's when I heard another voice.

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**Okay! That's it, I'll try to update soon. I'm not really a fast updater… At all. But I'm just so obsessed with this pair, much like the rest of America and Canada. I've been like researching and obsessing over them all night and I so just wasted like five hours of my life. If anyone knows about the new episodes from next week, TELL ME! Okay, now press that little review button and tell me what you think, anything, like constructive critism, flame me for all I care, just REVIEW and I'll love you forever. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, so this really nice person named thecoolestloseryouknow gave me the link to a youtube page that has a trailer and it says stuff about those rumors. Also, I saw the preview for the Eli secret episode thing. Eli and Clare were in his car and he was like "This is where I killed my girlfriend" and so I'm guessing he crashed the car and blamed himself for it, I think I might put that somewhere in my story. Actually no I won't because that would make me a copy cat, I'd be copying everything from the show and that's not cool. I'll just figure this out as I go.. Yeah, I just can't wait for them to kiss! And Jenna gets pregnant, but I don't give a frick lol ****. I just feel that Eli's secret is the most important part of the episode… and I personally just dislike Jenna. Has anyone else noticed that she kisses weird? Like she pushes herself into it and like wiggles around and it's just strange. Okay thanks for the reviews you guys I really appreciate it! **

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_Clare's P.O.V._

"Thanks for covering, Clare. That wasn't cool of me." Adam said nervously.

"So… what was I covering exactly?" I questioned, afraid of the answer a bit.

When I found the tampons, I sort of thought he had a nosebleed, but when I saw his nose fine, I was confused, and the way he covered it up to Fitz wasn't right either. Something was up. I wasn't one to push answers out of people so if he was uncomfortable it'd be fine.

Adam gave us a really timid look, he was about to say something but Eli cut in, "You don't have to explain. It's none of our business," I nodded and agreed.

"It's-it's okay, I want to tell you," Adam replied, "Okay, so I'm a guy, line a hundred percent dude," He sat down on the bench in front of him.

"But I was born in a girl's body," Eli and I turned towards each other in shock, our mouths open a bit, "I'm an FTM, Female To Male transgender."

What? So that's why he had such a girly voice. That explained the tampons and the girlish features. To think that a girl like me would be such good friends with a transgender. It's not that I'm against people who are gay or like that, I totally support them, but I was raised not to. If my parent's found out I probably wouldn't be able to talk to Adam _or _Eli ever again.

I realized that that was the reason why Fitz and Owen had beat both of them up, Eli had a cut on his rosy lips and I was worried. He told me it was nothing and I let it sit until I found out from Alli that he had gotten into a fight with them. I asked Eli about it and he told me about how they called Adam a girl and all that. I also heard that Drew got into a fight with them after school too.

I was still shocked though, I sort of just stared at Adam for a few seconds. I didn't hear a peep out of Eli for a while either.

"Does that mean you're gay?" I asked.

"No, I like girls, and since I'm a guy between the ears, that makes me straight. At least I think so," He said the last part a bit quieter.

So that means he's just a boy with a girl's body, and not just interested in girls and act's like a girl.

"Cool" Eli dragged out. I wasn't surprised he was that accepting. He's not one to judge people by who they are or how they dress or any of that stuff.

Adam's features softened and the corner of his lips tugged up a bit.

I turned my head towards Eli a little, "How long have you known?" Eli asked.

"Since I was four? Five? I hated wearing dresses and having long hair," Adam answered.

"Well how do you know you're not a tomboy or a lesbian?" I wondered out loud.

"I just… know," Adam smiled.

"Well, are we the only ones who know? Other than your family of course," I asked.

"Simpson knows, and he sent letters informing every teacher," He thought for a second, "Except that stupid ballroom guy who called out my girls name. The worst!"

"Hold the phone, does this mean I can't let one rip in front of you?" Eli asked with his signature smirk. I wanted to smack him, he was so annoying sometimes.

"Eli, I'd be insulted if you didn't," Adam chuckled before doing the knuckle touch thing.

"You guys are foul!" I giggled

"You're just jealous," Eli said laughing.

"Whatever," I grinned, and Adam gave me a smile.

* * *

Eli was really something else. He was so special, and so accepting of everyone. He was the most unique person I've ever met before. I know I have a boyfriend, KC, but I can't help but think about this mystery man who's entered Degrassi and my life. The piercing green emeralds he has for eyes are so captivating. They're just so beautiful, for lack of better vocabulary. When I first saw him my jaw probably hit the cement.

To be honest, I thought someone died, or they were throwing a funeral for my broken glasses. When I saw his skinny jeans, my key instinct told her that he was a girl, not that I had anything against his pants. But when my eyes travelled upwards, I saw his flat chest, and I saw his face. His cute boyish face was so exciting. The look in his eyes was almost depressing. He looked like almost like something was hurting him.

When we met I struggled to find words to say to him. If my parents saw me hanging out with him, they would immediately label him as a misfit and ban me from seeing him.

KC has been acting a little distant lately. He just doesn't kiss me with the same passion he used to. He doesn't hold my hand or carry my books to class, and he's always texting someone on his phone. I'm not the type to suspect much, so I won't invade his privacy and check his phone. I'm just not that kind. I mean Alli's told me how he looks at Jenna more than he looks at me, but I think she might just be over exaggerating.

Later that day in the library I got a text from my dad, _I know we had plans, but I'm going to have to cancel, and I can't pick you up_, I groaned. He was going to take me to a movie, just the two of us, because after mom read the letter and talked to him they both promised me that they would try to get along and spend more time with me. _I guess they lied._

"Hey, why the long face, blue eyes?" I jumped at the sound of his smooth, deep voice.

"My dad bailed on our plans, now I have to walk home," I sighed.

"How 'bout I take you to The Dot, cheer you up. I'll buy you decaf tea!" He offered.

"Okay, only for the free tea though, and you're going to help me work on my English paper!" I agreed.

"Sure, anything for you," He made my heart skip a beat.

I was on cloud nine, I loved flirting with Eli, there was just one little problem, KC. If I loved KC with all my heart, why did I feel like this? Why did my knees go soft every time Eli was in the same room? Why does the blood rush to my cheeks every time he speaks to me? And why does my heart beat so hard that people in Australia can hear it?

The rest of the day passed by relatively slow, I was counting down the minutes to meeting Eli by his hearse. I'd gotten over the fact that he drove a car that carried dead bodies named Morty. It was the first time I'd ever ridden in a hearse too. And I'd gotten past the black clothing and saw Eli's softer side. I _liked _it.

When the bell finally rang I speed walked to my locker and gathered all my books and English paper. I walked towards the parking lot and took a look around. I spotted something black and vintage. Morty.

"Hey!" I exclaimed a little too loudly and blushed a little.

He smirked at me, "Hey, get in."

I climbed into the dark vehicle and we sped off. He drove relatively fast and we got there within ten minutes.

"So how are things with KC?"

"They're okay, he's just distanced himself a bit. I'm not sure if it's about his mother or something."

"Yeah, he's probably just adjusting to his mom."

"I know, but I just feel like he's just not as into me as he was back when we started dating."

"Well, sometimes relationships just don't work out. Don't stress yourself over it. You have better things to worry about."

I gave him a reassuring smile and we got out of the car. We sat down in at one of the little tables by a window and waited for Peter to take our order.

He came over and pulled out a pen, "What can I get you, Clare and guy I don't know?"

"This is Eli, he's just my English partner. I'll have a decaf tea please."

"Iced water."

"Okay, I'll be right back with your drinks."

I pulled out my English project, "Okay so-"

He cut me off, "How about we just chill today, and not work on our projects?"

"Um, alright, what do you want to do?"

He gave me a thoughtful expression, a rare one, "We could go see a movie."

"Wow, how original," I said sarcastically.

"Let's see you come up with something better!"

"Fine I will. Let's go to the… library?" I blushed.

"Wow, how _fun," _He mocked.

"Clare, let's just go back to your place and watch a movie or something."

"Um… I d-don't think that's the greatest idea," I stuttered.

"Aw why not?" He poked.

"W-well, my mom isn't r-really the nicest person and-"

"You don't want me to meet her because of what I look like. It's okay, blue eyes," He gave me a reassuring smile.

"Eli, I don't care how you look, it's just my mom, she's just so Christian."

"And you're not?"

"Well, I am just not as judgmental as she is."

"I understand, we'll go over to my house then, my dad isn't home for a while," He offered.

"Alright, let's go," I accepted.

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Hours later I had fallen asleep on Eli's shoulder, he must have dozed off too because I felt a weight on my head. I silently reached over to my phone. There were_ 'Eight missed calls'_ from my mom. Uh oh, my phone was on silent the whole day. I must have lost track of time because it was already nine! I was supposed to be home by six. I gently removed my head from underneath Eli's and grabbed all my stuff.

I giggled slightly and walked over to the sleeping boy. He was so beautiful, in his sleep he looked almost… innocent. His features were so soft and peaceful. I got down on my knees next to his ears and screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Ahhhhhhh!" I yelled.

"Shit! Clare! What was that for?"

"I wanted to wake you up," I gave him an innocent smile.

He smirked and his baby like features were gone and replaced by his naughty look.

"Look, I was supposed to be home three hours ago and my mom's going crazy."

"Alright, don't get your panties in a bunch I'm coming."

"Excuse me?"

"Chill, blue eyes, it's just a saying."

"I know that…"

He grabbed his car keys and we walked over to Morty. The car ride home was mostly silent, and just us discussing very easy topics. We spoke a bit about my mother and father's relationship. I told him it was gradually getting better and that I hoped it would be back to normal sometime soon. Although I doubt it will be anywhere close to normal, I didn't want him to worry about it and I just wanted to keep it to myself.

We reached the house, "Okay, get out of my car now."

"Ugh!" I scoffed.

"I'm kidding, blue eyes, I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Bye Eli, thanks for today."

I gave him a small smile and walked to the door afraid of what was to come. I slowly unlocked it afraid of the contents inside. Before I could get close I heard screams already. As I walked in, the voices quieted down.

"Clare Edwards!"

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**Alright, is that good enough for today? Hope so, I don't normal update once everyday but this couple is very special to me. Also since I'm so obsessed with this story I'm also making extremely long authors notes, including the one at the top. Normally they're super short. I felt the need to say that my characters are very OOC and I'm sorry about that, I can't seem to be able to capture the essence of Eli. Anyways, review lots and it might make me want to update faster! And thanks for all the alerts, favorites, and reviews from yesterday! If anyone knows if Clare and Eli are going to be together at the end of the last episode of the Boiling Point, feel free to tell me! Because I'm just dying to know! Love you guys! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

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_Eli's P.O.V._

The next morning I was greeted by the annoying sounds of chirping birds. There was sunlight streaming in through the cracks of the window blinds. As I opened my eyes I remembered the day before with Clare as a rare smile spread across my face.

The smile didn't come off when I took my shower. The smile didn't come off when I brushed my teeth. The smile didn't come off when I ate my breakfast. The smile didn't come off when I drove to school, nor did it come off when I was walking the halls of Degrassi. But, it _did _come off when I saw two people kissing.

Clare and KC were only just slightly kissing, but it was enough to get me going. I know it wasn't normal, to feel so strongly about a girl who was _taken. _I wiped the frown off my face and replaced it with a cocky smirk before walking right past them. They were both about to separate from each other. _Do I wait for her and walk her to class? Do I just ignore her?_ I decided on the latter because I didn't need her thinking I was obsessed with her.

By lunch time I decided to make plans with Clare yet again to hang out with her after school. I was about to ask her to chill at The Dot again but I saw her staring at me. When she saw my eyes she turned away and blushed. Clare was staring at me. She probably returned those feelings I had for her. All I had to do was get rid of KC and we were good to go.

I smirked at her, "Someone doesn't know how to keep their eyes to themselves."

"And someone doesn't know how to wipe cocky smirks of their faces," She snapped back.

"Feisty, I like it," I teased.

She was about to respond but the annoying blonde girl came running over to us, "Clare-Bear! You'll never guess what happened to me yesterday!"

The rest of their conversation was just a blur to me, but one thing stuck out, "Clare-Bear?" I said looking at her.

"Shut up," She muttered.

I laughed out loud and stalked off to my next class.

My next class was English, so Clare caught up to me and told me to wait for her.

"Hurry up, _Clare-Bear_," I joked.

She winced at the name, "I'm coming, _don't get your panties in a bunch_," She mocked me.

"Geez, Blue Eyes, who would have thought you would say _panties_?" I teased.

"I'm not perfect, Eli, I'm tired of people thinking I spend all my time praying and reading the bible."

I was shocked, she was _Saint _Clare for a reason.

"Alright, then I guess you wouldn't mind going clubbing.

The smug look on her face came off and she said, "I'm busy tonight."

"Clare, it's just Above the Dot, nothing to worry about, we can even bring all of your friends."

"Um… Okay, I-I'll ask Alli, KC, and Jenna later" She stuttered.

"Wow, dare-devil," I said deciding to be a little snarky.

She looked down at her shoes.

"Come on, Blue Eyes, face it, you're a goody two shoes. But it's fine, you are who you are and I accept that."

"Yeah, but I'm done with that. I think I should start… coming out of my shell a little bit."

"I sure hope that doesn't take too long," I smirked at her.

"So are we on for tonight?"

"Of course, Blue Eyes," I smirked at her.

She rolled her eyes as we sat down in our seats.

"Okay class, settle down…" Ms. Dawes continued on with her lecture.

I scribbled Clare a note and discreetly passed it to her table. _Meet me by Morty after school with all your… _friends.

She replied with a venomous glare and a nod.

After class I waited for her by the exit, she had her phone out and a grimace plastered on her face.

"What's wrong, Blue Eyes?"

"Oh!" She said startled, "I can't make it tonight, my parents want me home, because last night since I got home late they want me to make up for it and stay at home and do my homework."

"Okay, some other time then," I said walking off disappointed.

I knew there was something wrong with her parents and it wasn't just their homework. She wouldn't tell me and she probably didn't trust me enough for me to spill her guts out and tell me all about her parental issues.

_Clare's P.O.V._

When I checked my phone I half expected it to be Alli or KC texting me something un-important. Instead it was my mom. _Clare, your father and I have something very important to talk to you about, we need you home early tonight._ I texted back my reply and told Eli I couldn't make it. _What was wrong, though? What could they have to tell me that was so important? Were they getting a divorce? _The questions pounded through my head and I got to my locker.

But what would I do if they actually decided to get a divorce? I couldn't imagine one of my parents without the other. They raised me and I saw them grow as I grew.

My parents were a mess. Heck, my whole family was a mess. My sister, Darcy, a freaking _rape _victim is off in Kenya building houses. My parents are probably going to split up. And here I am, I'm a loner, I'm the good girl, and I'm always going to be that way, unless I break free of it. I need to break free.

I'm so sick of people looking at me like _that._ They think I'm so sweet and innocent. I'm not saying I'm not, but maybe I should be… _edgier._ Maybe I'd be more out there, maybe people would see me more.

I went to KC's locker and before he could say anything I pressed my lips against his… _hard. _His initial response was shock but eventually he relaxed into the kiss. As our lips touched, I let out all my anger and frustration. I kissed him fiercely and my lips would most likely be swollen later. I needed an outlet, and currently, this was mine.

I mean, why couldn't my parents just work everything out? They've always been telling me about how important morals are. They're so strict about being Christian and faithful and all that. To be honest, I think they're hypocrites. I didn't want to be selfish and make them stay together like that, but couldn't they at least _fill me in_? I was still clueless about everything and they weren't making a move to tell me anything.

My arms snaked up his neck and into his light brown hair. Not too many thoughts went through my brain as I did that, but I did feel more _free_. I almost felt bad. Most girls don't think that's really anything big. But for me my first kiss was the biggest deal. KC and I weren't very physical. We never even got past first base. We were kissing, but it just didn't feel right so we had to stop.

When we finally broke free he gave me a confused look, "What was that for?"

"I don't know, I just felt… naughty," I smirked.

"Well, do me a favor and feel naughty more often," He teased.

I pecked him on the lips, " I've got to get to class, I'll text you later"

"Bye Clare."

I sauntered off to Algebra II and took a seat.

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That day when I got home my parents were waiting for me. Much like yesterday, they were sitting on the couch with very intense, serious expressions stuck on their faces.

"Hi Clare, your father and I have something to tell you, why don't you take a seat?" I ignored her and stayed standing in the hallway. I knew where this conversation was going but was too afraid to admit it.

"Hello," I whispered, barely getting the single greeting out of my mouth.

"Look, Clare, I know we've been fighting lately, and I know you're very confused about all of this. I am too," My mother started.

"What are you talking about? Where is this going?" I asked starting to panic.

"Your father and I just haven't gotten along very well. There's no denying that our relationship isn't working out," She continued, "We think that it might be best if we took a little… break."

"You mean like… a _divorce_?_" _My voice cracked at the last word.

Everything finally crashed down. I took a seat on a cushioned chair and grabbed one of the down pillows and hugged it close to my torso. I didn't bother hiding the tears. They were my parents and they would see them anyways.

I know I saw it coming. They spent all their time together fighting, or _'disagreeing'_ as my mom would put it. They'd been lying to me though, they told me everything would be alright and it was just a little bump in the road. I wanted so much to believe them. I wanted it to be true, but _God_ couldn't let me catch a break, now could he?

"You can't!" I yelled in tears. Nothing hurt worse at that very moment.

"We're sorry, honey. But your mother and I have made up our minds."

"You haven't even tried to fix it! What happened to forever? You said we would stick together!"

"We know, but sometimes things just don't work out, lately your father has been working more hours and you know that we need to be able to spend more time together. It's just what's best for everyone, " My mom reasoned.

I calmed down a bit knowing it was true, "You didn't even try though! What about marriage therapy? Can't you try it?" I was begging at that point.

"We'll consider it, but it might be a little too late by now. We're not doing too well, Clare" My mom said.

"We'll talk about this later, I need to get to work," My father said. He was always going to work. Now really wasn't the right time either. Doesn't he care?

I stormed out of the living room and into my bedroom.

I remember as a little girl, every time I saw those grimaces, I would start frowning because I knew something would be up. Like one time I painted on my walls, I thought it was perfectly fine but when I saw them I was so confused. I had painted four unicorns. My parents, Darcy, and me. We were a perfect family back then, at least in my eyes. Nothing bad was happening until Darcy left. She was their golden girl, so when she was raped and left to Kenya, they started giving up hope. I guess I'm just chopped liver.

After the fight I went straight to my computer. Ms. Dawes was right on some level, I did hide behind vampire fiction. It was another sort of emotion outlet. But instead of bad feelings, it was more lust. I know it's weird coming from a girl who's parents just announced they needed marriage counseling, but I was feeling random, and I needed to let my feelings out.

Instead of writing about Declan Coyne, I wrote of a new character, a certain one with the eccentric, bright green eyes.

After editing my work I bit my lip and submitted it to the website.

_His sharp canine teeth brushed against my neck. They barely touched me, probably just the tiny hairs on my throat, but that was enough to send chills up my spine. I shivered and that obviously made him even more excited. I inhaled his woodsy smell. As he circled me, he leaned closer and closer, my cheeks were probably turning fifty different shades of red by now. _

I smiled at the short excerpt and closed the screen.

**eli-gold49: **how are the rents?

**clare-e23: **not too good.

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**Today I was really busy, which is why this chapter is kind of short. Thank you so much for all the reviews yesterday. I really wanted to be able to update today so forgive me for lack of quality. I wanted Clare's character to be a bit more confident in herself instead of that shy little Christian girl we all know and love. I feel like I'm really bad at writing about Eli's character so I'm really sorry about that! Also, the dialogue between Clare and her parents, that was terrible, forgive me. I wasn't too sure about what to write. And, if you could give me some tips for writing that would be awesome! Lately my writing's gotten worse and I'm really trying to improve it. So I really hope you review because that would make me happy ****. I'll try to update tomorrow but I can't promise you because I'm going to a spa with my mom. Some sort of bonding thing or whatever. Okay, bye guys and PLEASE review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Clare's P.O.V._

**eli-gold49: **uh-oh, I'll come over then you can explain what's wrong.

**eli-gold49 is currently offline.**

God, was he actually coming over? Was this a joke? How would he even get in? I mean, my parents were home. I walked to the bathroom and saw a quick glance of myself in the mirror. Honest, I was a mess. My hair was in ruins, my eyes were red and puffy, and my makeup was running. I wiped off my makeup and washed my face. That was a little better. I ran my fingers through my hair and decided I wasn't going to get any more appealing. I stumbled into my room and neatened up a bit.

I took a seat on my bed and reminisced on what had just happened. It seemed so… _unreal._ My parents were actually getting a _divorce._ It was so weird, I had never imagined something like this would happen when I was younger. To me they were always just so perfect. They were perfect every Sunday morning when we went to church. They were perfect when they took me out to my favorite restaurant on my tenth birthday. And they were even perfect when they helped Darcy through her rape.

But why now? Why did they pick now to stop being perfect? I know I sound ridiculous, but I just can't believe it. I was being stupid and selfish. Maybe I should start thinking of how they feel. I mean it's so obvious that they aren't getting along. They might only be going along this far because of me.

_But_, I'm their daughter. I'm their responsibility. They _need _to make this work, if not for themselves, for me.

My thoughts were _rudely _interrupted by a teenage boy entering my room.

"_E-_li!" I snapped.

"_Cuh-_lare!" He mocked with a smirk.

"Who said you could come in through my window? You scared the crap out of me!"

"Well your parents are home and I don't that they would like me."

"Yeah, you're right."

"I know, so what's wrong, Blue Eyes? What's wrong?"

My eyes started tearing up again at the thought of what had just happened before with my parents, "My-my parents-" The tears came out faster and harder.

They stung my cheeks and I turned my head away from him. A stray tear fell off my chin and onto my lap.

"You don't have to tell me right now," He whispered before wrapping his arms around me.

I considered fighting the embrace but decided against it. He just felt too… for a lack of better words, good.

I eventually wrapped my arms around his neck and hid my face in his chest. I breathed in his 'Ocean Spray' musk. Strangely enough, it smelled comforting and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. His shirt was soaked in my tears by the time I finished.

I mumbled, "Sorry."

He shrugged, "Are you going to tell me what's going on now?"

I sighed and took a deep breath knowing I couldn't avoid it, "My parents want to get a d-divorce," I choked on the last word a little bit.

"Oh, Blue Eyes I'm so sorry," He pulled me into another hug and this time I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck. We hugged for what seemed like hours, but in all honesty, it was probably like ten minutes. I wanted to stay like that forever, just clinging onto the one person I could.

My mind wandered off to KC. _Why didn't he comfort me when I needed him? Why is he never online at the right ties? Why doesn't he text me? And why wasn't he the one at my house instead of Eli?_ KC was my boyfriend, so why wasn't he here?

I decided that Eli deserved more of an explanation.

"I want them to try marriage counseling, they said they would consider it but I think they were just trying to shut me up."

"They should know they would never get you to shut up," He chuckled making me laugh a bit too.

I playfully smacked his arm and gave him a genuine smile, "Thank's Eli."

"For what?"

"For being you."

"Well, I'm pretty good at that." He said smugly and popped his collar forcing a laugh out of me.

"Cocky much?"

"It's not cocky when it's true."

I giggled again and almost responded when I heard a noise downstairs. It wasn't just any sound though. It wasn't my mom checking up on me and catching me with a delinquent, it was ten thousand times worse. It was the sound of my parent's shouting.

The smiles on our faces quickly disappeared and were immediately replaced by frowns.

"I'm sorry you have to hear that, but you should go now," I whispered not wanting him to hear anymore. It was too embarrassing.

He walked to the window, "Bye, Blue Eyes, I'll pick you up tomorrow."

I gave him the smallest of smiles as he disappeared down the tree. I sighed and laid down in my bed hoping my nightmares would end. Little did I know, it was only the beginning.

_Eli's P.O.V._

I walked out of her garden and into Morty. I was a little surprised by what had just happened. Clare, _Saint_ Clare's parents were trying to get a divorce. They just seemed like such a _perfect _little family. Don't get me wrong, I know no family is ever going to be perfect, but they just seemed like the closest thing to it.

It broke my heart to see Clare cry over that and I wanted to take away her pain, not that I knew how. I knew what she was feeling. When my mom died eight years ago, I was devastated. I don't remember her, but I remember how I felt about her. I loved my mom, she cared about me more than anyone else in the world. I felt so lost and abandoned. My father raised me until I could fend for myself and then started coming home later and later, then eventually he just wouldn't come home sometimes.

He was a drunk and he was abusive, but what else did I have? I wasn't eighteen yet, I couldn't live on my own. I had two more years of it and then I was _free._ I wanted to take Clare with me, I wanted to sweep her off her feet. I knew I couldn't and so many things stood in my way.

I sighed at my little dream and concentrated on the road. I heard my stomach grumble so I took the next left and headed for The Dot. I was up for a little late night bite. I parked Morty and walked into the café. When I looked to the back corner of the room I saw Clare's boyfriend. You know the guy, sandy colored hair, brown eyes, tall. But he wasn't exactly _alone._

KC was with the blonde girl. They were sitting pretty close too. They were actually sitting so close that their lips were touching. And their tongues. And their teeth too.

Shocked, I walked straight back out of The Dot and into my hearse. I drove straight home clutching the steering wheel so hard my knuckles turn white.

_What fool would cheat on Clare with _that?_ Was he on crack? Only an idiot couldn't see how amazing Clare was. _What was I supposed to do though? Was I supposed to tell Clare and break or heart, or keep silent and let the girl I like get cheat on?

I desperately wanted to tell her, but she might not be able to take that much heartbreak. First her parents, now this, she didn't even deserve it. She was so good and nice. To me it just didn't make any sense to me.

I got home and made myself a sandwich thinking about the day. I smiled at the fact that I got to hug Clare and hold her so close. Sure, my shirt got soaked, but it was well worth it. She felt better and I got be close to her. When she first touched me my knees went soft and the rest just went downhill from there. Her hair was so soft and bouncy, I wanted to take a curl and wrap it around my finger, even if it sounded really stalkerish. Her shampoo smelled like berries. I wanted to kiss away her tears and take away her pain. She was just so beautiful.

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The next morning after getting ready, I grabbed my keys, my bag and hopped into my car. On the way to Clare's house I thought about how she would react. Would she be upset? Would she cry? I certainly didn't want that.

I grabbed my phone and texted her when I got there. _Im here. Come down now._ She replied agreeing and a minute later she came out.

She had a weak smile on her face and I opened her door for her. The first part of the ride was silent but comfortable. I then finally decided to initiate the conversation.

"So how were they this morning?"

"They were quiet, only talked to me when it was necessary."

"Ouch, sorry."

"It's okay, it's not your fault," I laughed a bit.

"Listen, I uh… have to tell you something."

"Yeah, go on." She urged me forward.

"Well, yesterday I was at the dot, and I kind of saw something," I said uneasy. _What if she gets angry?_

"What did you see, Eli?"

"I saw KC," I started, before gulping in a breath of air, "And he was kissing Jenna."

"What?"

"KC was kissing Jenna."

She had on a look of disbelief, "I can't believe it."

"I know, I'm sorry," I said sadly.

"No! I can't believe you! Why would lie to me like that!" She accused.

"What? I'm not lying! Blue Eyes, I swear I saw it!" I tried to explain.

"No, Eli, yesterday I was vulnerable, so you thought you could take advantage of it. Too bad I'm not _stupid. _And _don't _call me that. Goodbye Eli," She said storming out of the car. I hadn't even noticed that we were in the Degrassi parking lot.

I let out a frustrated cry, "Urgh!" and banged my fists on the steering wheel, earning a few strange looks from bystanders outside.

"What are you looking at?" I challenged to a random niner before they scrambled away.

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!" I yelled banging my head against the window each time I yelled.

I walked out and slammed the door. Why didn't she believe me? Did she really think that I would do that? Was she honestly _that _cynical? I needed to find a way to prove to her that KC was scum.

Speak of the devil…

KC was standing with Jenna at her locker. I saw that he looked almost startled when he saw me. Of course this would have been normal on any other day, but that's when I knew. I knew that he saw me at the dot last night. He was about to approach me, but I went over to him and blondie first.

"Look, KC, I saw you yesterday, you know that, but I really think you should tell Clare the truth."

"Why would I do that? It's none of your business anyways."

"Because, she's my friend, and I don't think she should be going out with someone who's _cheating _on her. And she won't believe me," I accidentally let the last part slip out. The second I said it KC's face relaxed.

"Look, what happens between KC and Clare is between KC and Clare, so leave it alone," Blondie piped up.

"Yeah, but she doesn't deserve it, I'm going to find a way to prove it to her, without your help," I walked past him making sure I bumped his shoulder as a threat.

I could hear the mumbling coming from behind me, because I couldn't care less. I just really wanted to find Clare.

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**Okay, I'm sorry but WHAT? That episode of Degrassi today… It was a bit disappointing, because I was expecting something a little more… I don't know… ELI AND CLARE RELATED. Yeah, so I don't think that is gonna happen until like Thursday. The promo's led me to believe that the episode where they kiss and he goes "This is where I killed my girlfriend" was today, but that was just for like this week or something. Okay, so I was like expecting all this stuff that was going to happen but it didn't… So anyways, I hope you liked this chapter! Sorry it wasn't that long. Thank's for the reviews and favorites and alerts!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

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_Eli's P.O.V._

I finally spotted her chatting casually with her Muslim friend and was about to approach her, but as soon as she spotted me, her smiled turned into a frown and she walked away with her friend. Well actually she was just listening to her friend drone on and on about Adam's brother, Drew. He was a cool guy, but I didn't know him too well. I groaned and started following them.

"Come on, Blue Eyes, I would never lie to you!"

"Leave _Clare_ alone, _Eli,_" The Muslim girl snapped making sure to stress the point that she didn't like it when I called Clare, Blue Eyes.

"Look, it's none of your business; I just need to talk to her."

"_Her _can speak for herself, thank you very much, Alli. Continue, Eli," Clare finally piped up, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Look, I know you're mad at me because I accused your boyfriend of kissing Blondie, but it's the truth, and if you don't want to believe me it's fine, just be my friend again."

"I-uh… Okay," She nodded at me before walking off with Alli.

I let out a sigh of relief. Thank God that was over with. I don't like it when Clare's mad at me. She probably still was, but she was too kind to show it. I love her forgiving qualities. I walked to class and spent the rest of the day doing nothing exciting.

But, I wanted to _kill _KC. I wanted to punch him over and over again while wearing a glove with spikes on them, kick him in the balls, bludgeon him with a hammer, dip him in a bunch of gasoline, then light him on fire! He was meant to be with Blondie, because they were both horrible people. He didn't deserve Clare, she was way out of his league. But she was out of mine too. At least I would treat her with respect, though.

That night when I got home I turned on the old desktop in my room and did the homework for the only class I cared about: English. I guess Clare was half the reason I liked it, but that's fine. I saw her username on the "Online" list of my instant messager.

I typed a message.

**eli-gold49:** hey Clare Bear.

**clare-e23: **hi whats up?

**eli-gold49: **nothing, you wanna hang out? Im gonna come over, k?

**clare-e23:** uh… im not sure that's the best idea.

I signed off ignoring her last message and threw on my leather jacket. As I reached her house the screams grew louder and louder.

Through the open window I saw two adults, who I assumed to be Clare's parents, screaming at each other. The woman had tears streaming down her face, her short chocolate brown hair was a mess and she had scratches on her cheeks.

The man had an angry expression on his face and his eyebrows were knitted so close together it almost looked like a uni-brow. The next part shocked me a bit. Clare's _dad_ took a vase from the table and threw it at her mom. The water splashed everywhere and one of the flowers fell to the floor.

It was a beautiful bouquet. There was an arrangement of roses, bright red. The vase nearly hit Clare's mom in the head but zoomed by her left ear. She gasped and stood in shock for a mere moment. While the eleven other roses slammed into the wall and the petals fell off, the one on the floor remained un-damaged, a sole survivor.

I quietly admired it from afar before bouncing back to reality. I was frozen and I couldn't move. Clare had walked downstairs and she was beginning to panic, I could tell. She was yelling and she was crying, I almost started crying too. She looked so… _broken._ I wanted to pull her into a hug, but I knew I couldn't just yet.

Her mother was still shocked and took a seat. Clare was probably telling her father how wrong it was, and he was just ignoring her. I wanted to slap some sense into him. _Listen to your daughter you dumbass!_

The next action was so unthinkable. So infuriating. I was all riled up and ready to kill the man. I couldn't believe what he did! He _slapped _Clare.

I broke out of my trance and sprinted to the back of the house. I climbed up the tree with no struggle and got in through Clare's window. I ran downstairs and the scene unfolded before me in slow motion.

Clare's mom was trying to comfort her and Clare was just holding her cheek flabbergasted. Her father was fuming and if he was a cartoon, I swear there would be steam coming from his ears.

"You son of a bitch!" I yelled before punching him in the face.

I felt his molar crack before a soft hand gently calmed me down. Clare placed hers on my shoulder and gave me a sad smile.

"You shouldn't have done that, Eli."

"I know, I'm sorry, he just-he made me so mad! He hurt you, Clare!" I decided to use her real name.

I held her cheek as gently as I could and rubbed my finger over the red spot. I frowned as she smiled reassuringly at me before her dad got up.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"I'm her English partner."

His face was covered in rage, "Get. Out. Of. My. House."

I walked towards the door before turning to Clare, "I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."

"Wait, I'm coming with you."

"Pack your things and stay the night, Clare. Right now you shouldn't be home," Her mother finally piped up.

Clare nodded and walked up the stairs. I followed her afraid of what her dad would do to me. As soon as the door closed I heard more yelling from downstairs. Clare closed her eyes and moaned.

"Are you okay? When we go to my place I'll get you an ice pack."

"I'm fine, Eli. Stop worrying."

I took a seat on her bed and let my bottom sink into the mattress. She got out a pink backpack and searched the drawers for clothes. She took out clothes for the next day and some…. Delicates. I smirked at the thought of Clare in sexy lingerie. She stepped out of the room and into the bathroom next door to get her toiletries.

I let out a deep breath before closing my eyes and falling back into her soft pillows and stuffed animals. I grabbed the closest one and hugged him to me. I felt like I was surrounded by fluff and, not that I would ever admit it, it felt really peaceful. I could get used to this.

I was interrupted by _someone _shaking me, "Wakey, wakey, sleepy head!" Clare sang.

I groaned, "Ugh, five more minutes, mommy."

She scoffed, "Oh yeah, I'm you're mommy."

I yawned and got up, "Let's go, don't want your parents coming up to check on us."

When I mentioned her parents her face dropped and so did mine. I almost apologized when I heard another crash from downstairs.

I grabbed her bag from her (couldn't let a lady carry luggage), we scrambled to the door, bumping each other, and ran down the stairs.

Her dad had taken the porcelain sculpture on the TV stand and thrown it at Clare's mom. He had missed again though. We'd made it just in time to see him stomp out.

"Mom! Are you okay?" Clare asked frantically.

"I'm fine, sweetie. Just go, he might come back."

Clare started to cry again, "Mom, I can't leave you alone."

"I'll be fine, Clare. Stop worrying, and don't do anything bad at his house. I'm trusting you this one time because I'd rather have you with him than with your father."

"But you could get seriously hurt, mom."

"Clare, he probably won't even come back. He's done this before while you slept. I'm not sure where he goes, but he won't be back tonight. Just go. Please."

She looked reluctant, "Al-alright mom. Just-just be safe, okay?"

Her mom nodded and let go of Clare. As I watched the little exchange between the mother and child, I couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed that I have never and would never be able to feel like that.

Clare grabbed my hand and we walked outside. I fished around in my right pocket for my keys. I couldn't find them. _Did they slip out when I climbed the tree? Did they fall out when I punched his dad? Or did they come out when I fell asleep on Clare's bed? _

All of a sudden, interrupting my thoughts, Clare stuck her hand into my left pocket and moved around until she found what she was looking for, my keys. Unfortunately, in the process she found some… other things too.

I blushed a bit before grabbing the keys from her hand. I unlocked Morty's ancient doors and held the door open for her.

She gave me a confused look, "Blue eyes, not all chivalry is dead."

She smiled for the first time since her dad left the house and climbed into the passenger's seat.

As we reached my house I realized I only had three more days until my father returned. My body had healed enough and I was ready for whatever punishment he dished out. Not that I deserved a punishment for doing nothing. The cut on the back of my leg had healed and there was just an itchy scab left. The house was already sparkling clean and I decided I'd do one more round right before he got back, just to make sure everything was perfect.

I gave Clare the "grand tour" of my small three bedroom, two bathroom house. Her house was a lot bigger, and her room was almost twice as large as mine, and I only hoped that she would find everything okay. Not that she was the type to care about how much money someone had.

I realized she hadn't spoken since we were at her house and decided to have her talk about what had just occurred.

"How are you holding up?"

She looked at me with her big, droopy blue eyes and they turned glassy, "I just-I just can't believe it. My dad tried to hurt my mother."

"And he hurt you," I mumbled. She quickly shifted her gaze to the black shoes on the floor.

She stared at them as if they were simply the most interesting thing on the planet.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be a bother. You didn't need to let me stay over."

"It's my pleasure, so I guess if you don't want to talk that's fine. I'll take you to the guest room."

"Um… I was hoping I could stay in your room."

"Yeah, sure I'll stay in the guest room and you can have mine."

She giggled a bit, "The reason I want to stay in your room, is so that I can be in the same room as you."

"Oh," I blushed, "Yeah, I'll go get some sheets so I can sleep on the floor."

I mentally cursed myself for not acting sarcastic.

"I can sleep on the floor, I mean, it is your bed."

"No, what kind of man would I be if I let a lady sleep on the floor while I took the bed?"

She smiled and I left the room. I went to the closet in the hallway and took out a few blankets and pillows. When I returned her smile was gone and replaced by a look of horror.

"Eli, wh-what's this?" She asked pointing at the small puddle of dried blood at the foot of my bed sheets.

"Uh… Well, you see," I began trying to think of a good excuse.

"Was this why you were limping the other day? Can I see your leg?"

"Blue Eyes, you worry too much. I'm fine." I tried to reassure her.

She didn't buy it, "Eli, let me see your leg."

"No, I just banged it on a rock the other day."

She didn't look convinced, "You would tell me if something was wrong, right?"

I gulped, "Of course."

"Good," She smiled at me before getting up and helping me put the blankets on the floor next to the bed.

"I'll go get new bed sheets. That's nasty."

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**OH MY GOSH! THAT EPISODE OF DEGRASSI WAS FREAKING AWESOME! I have a feeling they're going to be together in the episode tomorrow because in the promo, Clare was saying how she couldn't be with him if he was hiding stuff from her and before she walked away he told her to wait. So the might not get together, but he's definitely going to tell her. I really cannot wait because I am so obsessed with them. **

**So I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday or earlier today. Yesterday I was just exhausted and I don't know, and today I spent all day with my dad. He's apparently some sort of celebrity so I have to hang out with his old people friends. BO-RING. Also, sorry my chapters aren't too long. I usually only write late late at night and I got really tired. It's weird, I noticed that I only write and update after twelve. It's sad. Also, my chapters have been getting shorter and shorter, but I really didn't know what else to write for this chapter and this one was longer than the last three! Okay so give me feedback, okay. Okay, so you know what to do. Push the review button and leave me some comments! These past two chapters haven't gotten too many reviews****. But thanks so much to those who did review, favorite and alert! Now I'm gonna read all those Eclare stories in my email and then watch a little Desperate Housewives!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

_Clare's P.O.V._

I knew there was way more to the blood than he let on. I was really curious, but I didn't want to intrude his privacy. We weren't dating or anything so a secret or two here and there wouldn't hurt too much. After he changed the sheets I took a seat and searched my backpack for something I could wear to sleep. While rushing, I had forgotten to pack sleepwear. _Great._

"Hey, Eli do you have anything I could wear to sleep? I forgot to pack some."

"Yeah, sure Blue Eyes, I have just the thing," I could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

He left and soon came back with a large Dead Hand t-shirt and a pair of boxers. I sighed and took them from him.

When I got ready I was feeling a little better, especially after washing my face. That night had been pretty eventful and I was still so confused as to why my parents were fighting in the first place. I remember a few hours earlier my father had one of his co-workers over and he told me they were simply working on some huge project and I shouldn't disturb him.

But, _did he think I was stupid? _I could put two and two together, he was obviously cheating on my mother. I mean, she wasn't home at the time and I swear I heard a moan somewhere. I had never met the woman before in my life, and he didn't let me stick around long enough to see her face, but I saw a glimpse of the back of her head. She was short, and had a beautiful figure. She also had blonde hair, like Jenna.

I growled in the mirror unintentionally after thinking about it. I wanted to tell my mother, but wouldn't that just make things worse? Also, I had no evidence and he would lie about it.

I lifted up my shirt and turned sideways, an action I rarely ever did. I examined my stomach. _Disgusting._ I had gained a few pounds since freshman year and I looked a little plumper than I would like. I sucked in so tight I could almost see my ribs, a little goal for after the drama was over.

I sighed, I had no time for this, I had bigger and better things to worry about. Like my parents, or the fact that Eli and I are having a "slumber party" while I'm dating _KC_.

Recently KC decided to be a little nicer. Not as sweet and innocent as when we first dated, but nicer than he was usually. Ever since I kissed him, he's been a little bit all over me. I didn't mean to tell him that I wanted to take the next step, I just needed to let out my anger, he just took it the wrong way.

I rolled down the large black shirt and headed out. Eli was sitting on the floor with a comic book open. I chuckled at his boyishness and crawled under his newly spread sheets. They comforter smelled like him. I snuggled deeper and deeper in until only my head stuck out.

"You know, when I imagined you in my bed, I always thought I'd be in it with you," Eli said.

"In your dreams, Eli"

"You know it, Blue Eyes."

"I have a boyfriend."

"I know that."

"Then why do you always flirt with me?"

"Because you're so damn fun to tease."

I felt my heart sink a little, "Goodnight, Eli," I ended the conversation.

"Goodnight, _Clare,_" He used my real name.

I smiled into his pillow and inhaled more of his scent. I then fell into the comforting blackness that is sleep.

* * *

The next morning I woke up an unfamiliar setting. The temperature wasn't warm and loving, it was slightly cold and inviting. The air didn't smell like my normal scrambled eggs and bacon, it smelled like Eli. The blanket wasn't rough and scratchy, it was smooth and soft. The mattress wasn't soft or something I could sink into, it was firm, but not too firm. And there wasn't a fluffy carpet next to my bed, there was a boy.

"Eli? Are you awake yet?" I asked feeling stupid. If he was awake he wouldn't have his eyes closed.

"Now I am," He mumbled wiping the sleep out of his eyes. He was obviously exhausted still. We hadn't gone to sleep until two in the morning. I decided to be productive and get ready. After I was done I made us some breakfast, nothing big, just some eggs and some fruit.

He came down, "Wow, Blue Eyes. Thanks for breakfast," He said before grabbing an apple.

"Well, it's the least I could do for you letting me stay over, but I was just wondering, where are your parents?"

His face dropped, "I… Um-well you see-"

I cut him off, "Listen, you don't have to tell me, it's none of my business," I quoted him.

"It's fine, my mom left when I was little and my dad's away on a… business trip."

"Um, okay, let's eat then," I decided to believe him and drop the subject.

He shut up for the rest of that, and for the car ride. At school he gave me a small smile and we split routes.

I met up with KC at his locker.

"Hey babe," He said to me.

"Hi KC."

"Morning, can I… uh… ask you something?"

"Um… Yeah, sure," I replied unsure of what was going on.

"Why did you get out of a car with _Eli_ this morning?"

"I-I um…" I was completely surprised by that question.

He saw me get out of the car. How would I respond? Would he be angry if I told him the truth? I mean I wasn't one to lie and I couldn't bring myself to lie to his face, it would only make him suspect things even worse. So I guess honesty is the best policy.

"Well?" He urged on.

"I stayed at his house last night because my parents got in a fight," I blurted out.

"What?" He yelled out loud. Some people turned to look at us and gave us wondering stares.

"KC, nothing happened so don't worry. My mom told me to go because she and dad were fighting."

"Clare! I'm your boyfriend! You should call me when you're in trouble! Not some emo guy!" He screamed at me while slamming his locker door shut before walking away.

"KC!" I yelled after him, but he was already too far ahead.

"Trouble in paradise?" I heard an annoying upbeat voice.

"Um…" I wasn't sure of how to reply to Jenna.

"Oh, I'm sure he'll turn around. After all, it is _just _sex," She said clearly mocking me.

"Eli and I didn't do anything like that! I can't believe you would accuse me of anything of the sort!" I was appalled.

"It's just that, you two have been so close recently," Her ongoing bubbly attitude was getting _seriously _annoying.

"We're friends, Jenna. Nothing more, now why don't you mind your own business."

"Is that why you spent the _entire _night at his house?"

"We didn't do anything wrong. And I could say the same about you and my _boyfriend,_" I said deciding I could be a bitch once in a while.

She gaped for a second before changing her expression back to snooty, "Just because I'm more appealing than you, doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating. KC is a gentleman."

I scoffed and decided this wasn't worth my time. I walked away and towards my next class.

* * *

The rest of the week flew by, but on Sunday, my family decided that we spent enough time neglecting God, so we went to church.

At church, we did all our prayers and at the end while everyone was just mingling about my father and mother decided it would be best if we all separated and took some time to talk to our friends.

I saw my dad talking to a blonde haired woman with bright cherry red lipstick on. She looked like she was in her late thirties, but still significantly younger than my father. The way she was leaning into him and talking to him, you could tell she was all over him. Maybe it was the way she would rub his arm up and down with a sly smile on her face. Or the way she would hold onto his shoulder when he said something funny. Or the way she would lean closer and closer to him when they stopped talking, but I think she was the one who he was cheating with.

She had the same hair as the woman from yesterday, she also had the same body, it was obviously her. So I stomped over to them and was about to make my point clear that she was a _home wrecker._

"Dad!"

"Clare! Honey, meet Lauren, she's the co-worker I talked to you about the other day," Oh yes, she's the one.

"Oh, hi sweetie! I work with your dad," I think I know what co-worker means, you bitch. Oops, excuse my language, God. I was in a church..

"Hello," I growled at her with my teeth clenched.

"I remember seeing you when you were just a little girl! You were so cute!" She gushed. I couldn't stand her talking anymore, every move she made, made me want to slap her more and more.

"Listen, I have to go check on _my mother,"_ I said glaring at my dad before walking away.

I knew I couldn't stall forever and I still had a long time until I could leave, so I guess I could have someone come save me. I'm not sure why I had called Eli and not KC, maybe it was because Eli has a car and could come faster, or maybe it was because KC was mad at me, but I called Eli to come save me.

_Eli's P.O.V._

I was still in shock as to the fact that _Clare _had spent the night at my house. I sort of hoped that when she first stayed over we would have done something _different_ but it was okay. I was still glad that she even decided to forgive me. I still wanted to prove to her that KC and Jenna were both lying, but she was too trusting. She wouldn't ever believe me unless I got her some proof. And I planned on it.

My dad was going to be back tomorrow, so I went to each of the individual rooms and started cleaning like no tomorrow. If it wasn't sparkling, he would have my head, _literally._

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was a call from Clare.

"Hey, Blue Eyes, missed my voice?" I said with a smirk.

"Um, okay, sure but I need you to come to my church."

"Woah woah, hold on, what?" I asked surprised. I wasn't really into religion, I was an atheist. I had morals, I just didn't need someone forcing them on me.

"My dad is driving me insane, he's seeing this woman behind my mom's back and she's here. She keeps trying to talk to me!" She yelled into the phone frantically.

Her dad was cheating on her mom? That explained a lot but it was still hard to hear.

"Alright, I'm on my way. Brave and charming Prince Eli will save the damsel in distress," I said sounding corny.

"Hurry please."

"I'll see you soon, Blue Eyes."

"Bye, Eli."

I heard a click from the other line so I hung up as well before stuffing my phone in my pocket. I went over to her church and went in.

When I entered it was like I was the center of attention. The pianist stopped for a second to take a look at my black and gray attire. It's not like I was obsessed with the color or anything, it was just me being different. The rest of the crowd eventually faded back to their mindless small talk, it was almost annoying.

Clare came up to me and grabbed my arm. She pulled me to the side, "Would it kill you to wear something more… I don't know… colorful? My parents are going to hate you!"

I laughed at her, "Most parents do, Clare Bear, but don't worry. I was considering wearing a shirt that was in a lighter black too, but I thought it would be too fancy," I teased her.

"I know, I don't care what you wear, you're perfect just the way you are, but my parents are just very difficult people."

"You think I'm perfect?" I raised my eyebrow.

She rolled her eyes, "Of course that was the only part you heard. But my parents already aren't big fans of you, especially not my dad," She frowned.

My smirk also came off, "I'm sorry. Where's that woman you were talking about on the phone?" I asked changing the subject.

"Over there," She pointed to a middle aged woman with blonde hair and large breasts. She was a typical mistress.

I let out a big sigh, "How do you know they're seeing each other?"

"Well, the other day she came to our house and I heard a moan coming from downstairs. And also, it's just the body language, the way she acts like she's being pulled towards him by a strong magnet, she's obviously more into him than he is to her, he just uses her as sexual tension release," She looked really disappointed.

"Clare Bear! I'm appalled! You used the "s" word in church!" I joked.

"Eli, it's not funny. I can't believe my dad would cheat on my mother!"

"You what?" Came a voice from behind us.

* * *

**Can you guess who that was? It's a little obvious to me, but I'm not so sure if it is to you guys. Whatever! Just guess! Yeah, another late night update. Get used to it. It's the only time I can concentrate.**

**OKAY! So tonight's episode was AMAZING. But I'm seriously so upset that they aren't together just yet. I feel like they're going to start dating in the last episode. I think it was really touching and they really bonded..****. During the past two episodes, I was so giddy, I've like never been this excited before not on my birthday, not at the dance, not when I had my first kiss (it was bad by the way), but when I saw them on that screen, I just screamed. Every single time I saw one of them, I would squeal and my parents got so pissed off at me. Anyone else like that? Okay so anyways, I heard about what's going to happen in the last episode. So yeah I'm not a hundred percent positive about all of this, but I'll just say what I heard.**

**Well I know of course Eli's going to wear RED. Alli's going to get raped by Owen. Bianca's going to sext Drew and try to get him to cheat on Alli. But I think Bianca is just luring Drew away from Adam and Alli. Fitz is going to promise to leave Eli and Adam alone if he can go with Clare and Eli doesn't take the deal. Fitz brings a knife to Degrassi, and I think he goes after Adam because Eli and Clare are like safe or whatever (I LOVE ADAM!). **

**Okay, so that's all I know so far, tell me if any of you find out anything! Review lots! Also, thanks for the reviews, favorites, and alerts! I hope I get more. Also, once again, sorry for the long Authors Notes, I don't make them that long in my other stories… I just have lots to say about Degrassi!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Clare's P.O.V._

"_You what?" _My mothers sharp voice came from behind Eli and I.

"I…Um…" I was so unsure of what to say to her. I didn't want her to get hurt or anything. All these years I assumed they had both been faithful in their relationships, it was so weird that they were like that.

I looked to Eli for some help and he just shrugged.

The expression on my mothers face was making me scared. Her lips were pressed into a thin line and her eyebrows were furrowed and looked angry. Her nostrils were also flaring.

"Well, Clare?" She urged on.

"Dad is cheating on you," I blurt out. I couldn't believe I just told her. My parents would get a divorce for real!

"What? Clare, stop joking around."

"Mom, I'm not joking," I was sad to say it.

Her eyes turned glassy and her mouth formed into a small "o" shape, "Who?" Her voice cracked.

"Her," I whispered and pointed to the woman laughing with my father.

I knew my mom's feelings, she was envious, jealous, furious, and wanted to bitch slap her, kind of like me with Jenna and KC. Of course KC would never cheat on me though. I'm not sure why Eli would lie about that, did he like me or something?

She didn't respond after an awkward, long minute and I got worried, "Mom, are you okay?"

She simply ignored me and marched over to my father. Of course she didn't just go accuse him, she asked him first. She wasn't a reckless person, she was responsible, too responsible in fact, when she walked over to him her face was completely straight, she even laughed at his little joke before asking him, "Are you cheating on me?" In a completely normal tone. She acted like it was something that happened to her every day, I was sort of expecting her to yell or something, I was right.

After they exchanged a few words, she started getting all teary eyed. She started screaming at him. We were in church, so of course everyone turned to us and gave them disapproving looks. I glared at each and every one of them who judged us.

_Isn't religion all about accepting people? _Why would they be so rude? I rushed over to see my mother on top of my father attacking him I, personally, would be doing the same thing, she finally let out her wild side. She was crushed and so was I. My own _father _was a piece of shit. He freaking raised me. That stupid, useless, sexist, horny asshole was my father!

It wasn't really something I wanted to accept. When I was younger I always expected everything to be perfect, because everything my parents taught me was perfect, the way they acted was perfect and they were just perfect people.

Everything was in slow motion. I screamed "no" as my dad slapped my mother and I rushed to her side. Everything turned quiet then, and Eli rushed towards my dad to pull him away. He was seething with anger, his teeth clenched, his chest inhaling and exhaling at the speed of a bullet and his nostrils flaring like my mothers had earlier.

My mom's face was a mess. Her makeup was running, she was crying and screaming random things to my dad. Her pretty white dress was stained with a bit of blood and dirt and there was a tear at the right sleeve. I was so tempted to fix it, but I knew it was weird.

I silently cried in the corner leaning onto Eli for the only support I've had for the past week. My parents were being nursed by their friends, my mom by her friend, Susan. And my father was being cared for by his new woman.

"Shh, shh. It's okay, Blue Eyes. Everything will work out, I promise," Eli soothed me.

"No it won't! Nothing will ever be okay again! My parents are getting a _divorce,_" I spat out the last word.

"But they both love you, and I'll be right there for you the entire way."

I was touched by his words and decided not to respond. I just gave him a long hug, I needed it. I whimpered slightly and he started rubbing my back. His touch was so comforting, but his lips accidentally brushed against my left earlobe and I shuddered. It sent chills down my spine, he noticed that and we immediately pulled away.

We stood still awkwardly trying to ignore each other for a few seconds.

"Can we go to The Dot, please?" I asked Eli with shiny eyes.

"Um, are you sure you don't want to go home?"

"I'm positive, I don't want to be there when they get back."

He just nodded and I send my parents a quick text saying I was going over to Alli's.

When we arrived at the newly built diner, I opened my mouth in shock. I was completely caught by surprise, and if my day couldn't get any worse, there was KC sitting down with Jenna in the corner of the room swapping spit. Why would they do that in public? Everyone knows that he's going out with me. Maybe everyone knew that he was cheating on me with Jenna too.

I walked over to them and cleared my throat. They immediately split apart and as they saw me the goofy grins on their faces were replaced by expressions of pure fear. _Good._

"Clare! What are you doing here? Don't you have church?" KC said.

"It's over," I said while clenching my teeth.

Jenna stood up, "I should get going, see you guys tomorrow."

I glared at her, "KC, anything you want to tell me?"

"Jenna and I are… _together._"

As if I didn't already know that, "Why, KC? Why didn't you just tell me and break up with me, it would have hurt a lot less!"

"I figured that we could be together without hurting you, I guess it didn't work."

"And yesterday, when I hung out with Eli, you got so angry! We didn't even do anything, you and Jenna were playing tonsil hockey."

"I know, Clare. And I'm so sorry, can you please forgive me? We never wanted to hurt you."

"And how did that work out for you? Forget the apology, if you didn't want to hurt me you would have broken up with me first. We're done KC," I finished up in tears before walking out, dragging Eli with me.

I wondered what my parents would do to each other when they got home. Maybe they would start hitting each other again, maybe they would trash the house, but I don't care anymore. Hopefully he would leave us, because he's a cheating asshole, just like KC.

I turned to Eli who had decided to be quiet during the whole... conversation. He flung his arm around my shoulder and my anger subsided. The feelings turned into regret, I regretted not listening to him. I regretted getting mad at him and protecting KC. I also regretted not admitting my feelings for him earlier.

I was almost glad that KC cheated on me, because it gave me a reason to break up with him. I know it sounds like I didn't care much, but truthfully, it hurt a lot. It was like he broke my heart. Well, the first cut is always the deepest.

You know what? _Fuck _my dad's whore. _Fuck_ my dad. _Fuck _KC. Humans are bitches. I don't give a shit if cursing is bad for me or if I go to hell. I wanted _revenge._ God isn't even real. If he was real none of this would happen to me. I've been God's perfect little follower my entire life and look where that's gotten me. I didn't deserve this. If God was real people wouldn't be suffering. If God was real there would be no natural disasters like earthquakes and such. If God was real everyone would be _happy._

Oh yeah I'm fucking ecstatic.

They didn't deserve to have anyone good loving them. My mother deserved better, she's been a good Christian all her life. Face it, if you don't do anything good for good luck. God is a huge _fake._

"Are you okay?" Eli finally said.

"No," I muttered before getting into his car.

"Take me to your house."

"Clare, I don't think that's a good idea. My dad's coming home tomorrow morning and if you're there, he'll kill me."

I turned to glare at him, "Fine. Drop me off at Alli's then," I said before texting Alli

"I'm sorry, I would love for you to come over, but you really can't," His eyes reflected his remorse.

I nodded and my gaze softened, "Okay. Thanks for everything."

As we pulled up to her house I took one last glance at Eli before grabbing his arm and leaning in. I placed a soft, sweet kiss on his cheek as a sign of appreciation. As I pulled away I noticed his blushing cheeks. I gave him a small smile and knocked on Alli's door.

Eli was so sweet. He was perfect. I'd need some time to get over KC before fully moving on Eli though. He was the one who saved me from my parents, hopefully one day he'll save me from myself.

_Eli's P.O.V._

My hand found its way to my right cheek. The one where Clare had just kissed me. My cheeks were burning up and were a bright cherry red. I still felt her soft, supple lips on my skin. Chills still ran up my spine. And I still wanted to go over to Alli's house and pull Clare into a real kiss.

When I got home I heard a quiet crash. I cautiously made my way up the stairs afraid of what I would find.

"Eli! Where have you been? I come home early and I get greeted by an empty house!" My dad yelled at me.

"I'm sorry, my friend was sick and I needed to help him," I quickly lied.

"Are your friends more important than me? No!" I could tell that he was drunk already.

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again," I said hoping he would drop it and leave me alone for the day.

"Damn straight it won't." He said before getting off his chair and coming over to me.

I was afraid to make a noise and he brought down his hand on my right cheek. The same one Clare had kissed me on. I almost smiled at the thought before the pain came.

He kneed me in the stomach before I fell onto the wood floor. He threw the beer bottle at the back of my head and it cracked a little on contact before I blacked out.

I woke up to a dark room and checked the time on my phone. It was a little after four in the morning. I had cuts all over my body. He also decided to add some more after I had passed out. I went to the bathroom near my room and took off my shirt. There were pieces of glass sticking through my shirt so I just threw it away. I turned around and examined my back. There were pieces of glass sticking out, at least eight. My dad must have done it. But they were in too deep. Did he put them in by hand? Was he really getting that sick? I couldn't imagine him getting any worse than he already was.

I spent the next two hours pulling the glass out of my back and cleaning my wounds. It took a while for them to stop bleeding and I needed to put bandages on them. I groaned in pain every once in a while and decided it was best to just ignore the pain.

I let my mind drift off to Clare and I wondered what she would be doing. At this very moment she would probably have just woken up. I felt really bad for her because of KC. That son of a bitch. I was still shocked that he would cheat on Clare with a Barbie doll.

She had kissed me on the cheek the other day, did that mean she liked me too? Or did it simply mean she was on the rebound? I didn't want her coming onto me if it was only because she was still hurt from KC. I guess she just needed some time to think about everything. I wanted her to like me, but I couldn't force her.

I couldn't help but admit that I would be bad for her. She would get sucked into a whirlpool of problems. It would also be pretty hard to hide everything from her. Every once in a while I can be selfish right? I'm allowed to do something that's completely terrible for another person because it benefits me right?

Clare was way above me, she was the perfect angel. She was _my _knight in shining armor._ I _was the damsel in distress. And hopefully one day she would save me from this hellhole.

* * *

That day after a long shower I decided to go to school. I noticed Adam at his locker and went over to him. I hadn't seen him in a while and decided I owed him some quality time. I quickly made plans with him to go to a movie that weekend and went to look for Clare at her locker.

She was wearing a dress, obviously borrowed from Alli's closet. Her cleavage was showing too much for it to be Clare's. She was still stunning though, as always. Her hair was lightly curled, her blue eyes sparkled in the cheap hallway lighting, and her figure was just to-die-for. I'd decided sometime on the way to school that I'd wait for her to be ready before even attempting to pursue a relationship with her. She didn't need me bugging her about my feelings when she had so much more to worry about.

"Morning, Blue Eyes."

"Oh, hi Eli."

"How are you holding up today?"

"I'm fine, and thank's again for last night. You really saved me," She gave me a warm smile.

"It's nothing," I gave her a cocky smirk.

"So can we hang out after school today? There's something I need to tell you."

I wondered what it could be, "Sure, Blue Eyes. It's a date," I smiled at her before walking away.

* * *

**Yeah, that was a terrible chapter I couldn't really get my thoughts across nicely. It also wasn't that long. Clare gave up on God and I said some stuff, if you're offended, I'm really sorry! I'm an atheist so yeah.**

**My mom really pissed me off. She said I have no backbone. She said I have no special abilities or talents. She said I have no friends. She's a bitch. Anyways, I apologize for any errors in my story. Tell me how I can improve it and stuff. Sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was too tired to write. Also, yeah, another late night chapter. It's really the only time I can write though, I'm not sure if I'd get more reviews if I posted it in the middle of the day or something. I'll try that some other time. Right now I'm eager to post it. Also thanks for all the reviews, favorites, and alerts from the last chapter! I can't wait until "All Falls Down" because I think Clare and Eli get together!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Clare's P.O.V._

As the day passed in a blur I zoomed past everyone to meet with Eli. I was planning on telling him how I felt, or showing him. I was aware that he felt the same way, so that just made it a whole lot easier.

I had his bright green eyes imprinted on my brain. It was kind of perfect. He was so sweet and I just couldn't wait for us to finally be able to be happy. Sure there was my cheating parents, my ex boyfriend who's now dating my ex best friend, but I could make it through, with Eli.

We made our way to a bookstore next to The Dot, we had just had some beverages. Eli was examining a book, I peeked at the title, Juliet, Naked.

I spoke out the title, "Juliet, Naked?"

"Yeah, it's this amazing book, my favorite. You should really read it."

I smiled, "I think I'll buy it today then."

"Cool, so before we both forget, what did you want to tell me?"

My heart began beating faster. I was both dreading the question, and looking forward to it.

"I'm not-I'm not really good at explaining things like this, I never was. So maybe I can just show you." I whispered. Between each word we both moved closer to each other.

By the time I finished talking his nose was touching mine. I could feel his minty breath against my lips, causing them to tingle a bit. I stared into his pretty green eyes and I slowly and cautiously closed mine as our lips lightly brushed against each other.

I didn't hear fireworks in the background though, I heard an old couple fighting. We both pulled apart, flushed. As they grew louder I started giggling, they sounded so clichéd. The perfect old married couple. They were arguing about what to have for dinner, or when their grandson was going to visit them.

As their voices drowned out I turned to Eli and gave him a long glance before he finally spoke.

"Me too."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I like you too. I mean, that is what you were trying to tell me right?" He asked as if it was obvious.

I smiled wider and crashed my lips onto his. This kiss wasn't sweet and gentle like the last one was. This one was full of passion and fire and it was sure to leave both our lips swollen for quite a while. We were both sitting on the floor so in no time I was on top of him.

At that very moment I didn't care about anything other than the fact that I was so completely euphoric. It was like I was high on Eli. I didn't care that everyone would call me a slut for getting a boyfriend a day after breaking up with my old one. I didn't care that Alli would have a fit because I didn't tell her the second we kissed the first time. And I didn't care that my parents were fighting, but only for a second.

When we pulled away we were both panting lie we hadn't breathed in years.

"Wow," I managed to spit out.

"Wow is right," Eli muttered.

I smiled at him and snuggled into his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around me. The time seemed to fly by way to quickly because I wanted to sit there with him forever. I sighed as my phone rang.

I quickly picked it up upon seeing the name of my mother on the screen, "Hi mom!"

"Hello Clare. Honey, tonight I'm afraid you're going to have to stay at home by yourself."

"What! Why?" I yelled shocked, receiving a few annoyed stares.

"Well, your father and I have agreed to spend some time apart, and away from anything that reminds us of each other."

"Bullshit." I mumbled before shutting my phone.

Eli turned to me and gave me a questioning look, "What's wrong?"

"You're going to stay at my place tonight!" I announced, still pissed off at my parents.

"What about the parental units?"

"They're not going to be home tonight."

"Alright." He seemed unsure about it.

"It's alright if you can't. You could check in with your parents first, tell them you're staying at Adam's."

"I don't have a mom. And it's better if I just don't tell my dad and deal with it later." He grimaced a little when he said the word "dad" and was frowning the whole time.

I kissed him lightly, "You don't have to come. I understand, I promise."

"I'm coming, don't worry about anything," He put on a forced smirk.

I decided to drop it for now, and we got up and I purchased the book I had promised him I'd read. Then we drove to my house. It wasn't a mess anymore, not like it was a few days earlier when my parents fighting had just started to get… _physical. _The difference was certainly clear, the pillows on the couch were fluffed to perfection, any trace of the broken vase was completely gone and the broken flowers on the floor were cleaned up.

Although there was still one reminder of the night. The rose that had survived was in a new vase. It was withering away slightly, although one of the tips was dried up, it still had more beauty and elegance than I ever would.

I caught Eli staring at it as well. I pulled him up the stairs and we spent a few hours conversing about anything that crossed our minds. I was pretty sure I knew almost everything about the boy. _Almost._

After a while we just found ourselves moving closer and closer to each other and eventually started kissing. The tingles from the first kiss still hadn't gone away. It was like electricity went through his lips and into mine.

My arms found their way up his shirt and he pulled away from me. He grabbed my hands, "Woah, let's not go there yet, Clare."

I personally didn't' care anymore, God wasn't real so what was the point of saving myself. Being good would get me nowhere.

"Eli, I really, really need this," My voice cracked as I leaned in to kiss him again.

He pulled away from me and I sat back confused, "What?"

"I'm not about to let you throw this all away, okay? I care about you."

_Why didn't he want to have sex with me? Was I not appealing enough?_ I frowned, "Okay. Thanks," He pulled me into a hug as I leaned into his chest.

I wrapped my arms around his lower back and through the shirt I felt a bunch of hard spots. I felt under the shirt and there were a bunch of sticky bumps.

I gasped, "Eli, what's going on?"

He stood up, "Nothing, look I got to go. My dad-"

"Tell me what's wrong Eli. You can trust me!" I pleaded.

"I wish I could, but I really can't. I'm sorry" He said before getting out of the house

"Please, tell me how you got those cuts! Last week you were limping too. Where are you getting all these injuries?" I ran after him and stood in front of him, blocking his way.

"Listen, it's none of your business, so just drop it," He actually sounded harsh, but I couldn't give up.

"If we're going to have a relationship we can't have these secrets."

"Well then maybe we shouldn't have a relationship," He snapped before pushing past me and driving away.

I stood there for a long time before a drop of rain hit me and finally realizing what had just happened. I had actually considered giving my virginity to him!

He was hiding something from me, and that was why he was being that way. I knew it, but I just couldn't be with someone who didn't trust me. Maybe we just weren't meant to be, that might be the reason why things were like this.

We couldn't be friends either, it just wouldn't be right, it'd be way too awkward and weird. I would just have to figure out a way to ignore him altogether. It meant I also couldn't be friends with Adam either, and I would have to leave English class, my favorite class by the way.

I sighed, avoiding Eli would be hard, he was a huge part of my life. Being happy was beginning to look harder and harder.

I searched my kitchen for something perfect. That one was too big, that one was too long, and that one was too dull, until I found the perfect one.

I gripped it tight as if I was doing something illegal. I felt guilty, and I felt a rush, it was almost… good.

I ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. I decided early on that cutting was for losers with no control, it was a bad thing. Bad, bad, bad. My view had totally and completely changed.

I slowly moved the knife to my left wrist. My skin was just so pale. My wrist was so tiny too. It was like a little baby. It was like killing a baby.

I pushed it in just enough to break the skin a little and slid it downwards. It was good, another vent for my frustration and it seemed to work best. I couldn't just write about my anger and I couldn't talk to my friends, I needed this. It was the best idea for everyone. I would be able to be sane.

Tiny beads of blood formed on my wrist and I contemplated licking them up and thought, 'Why not?' as I sucked them. I almost felt like a vampire myself.

If my mom ever found out about it she would have my head. It didn't really seem like a big deal though, it was just one tiny cut, it didn't even hurt.

I stared at the rest of my clean wrist. _It was just one cut after all, another one wouldn't do too much damage, right?_ I thought as I gave myself another tiny cut

* * *

The next day I put on a black long sleeved shirt and _walked_ to school. Walked being the operative word, I had no Eli to drive me. I grew sad at the thought of him. My mom hadn't come home the night before and not only did I spend the entire evening alone but I spent the morning alone as well.

I spotted Eli with Adam at their lockers and we both stared straight at each other, both frowning as Adam chattered on about a comic book.

He had another limp, and if he thought it would go unnoticed, he was way off.

"Eli, you're limping again," I pointed out as he walked into English class, late.

"Just mind your own business, Blue Eyes," He smirked at me.

I glared at him, "Oh, you are my business, now."

"Why? Because you tried to fuck me?" He was now full out growling. I'm pretty sure someone heard us but I didn't care.

"Eli, if something's wrong I really want to help you, please just open up," I begged as I grabbed his hand, ignoring his last comment, although his words really stung me.

I knew he was hiding something and avoiding him wasn't working out for me.

"I. Can't." He gritted his teeth together before roughly pulling his hands away from mine.

The cuts from yesterday tore open and started bleeding again.

I raised my other hand, "Ms. Dawes, may I go to the bathroom?"

She approved me as I rushed to the nearest girls room.

I rinsed off my hand and put some pressure on it before hearing someone come walk by the room. I rushed into one of the stalls before they could hear me and locked the door.

"Are you sure, Jenna?" I recognized Alli's voice.

She was still friends with Jenna and I honestly didn't care much. She could hang out with whoever she wants to.

"I'm positive, I took three tests!" The blonde cheerleader exclaimed.

_What were they talking about?_

"Well, what did KC say about it?"

"I didn't tell him yet, I don't think I'm going to for a while."

"How far along are you?"

"I don't know, a few weeks probably."

"Well what are you going to do with the baby?" Alli asked finally giving away what they were talking about.

_Had KC been cheating on me for a few weeks already? Was I seriously that clueless? _I felt really stupid and wanted to go out there and confront them but realized that KC wasn't my boyfriend anymore.

I waited a few seconds after they left and got back to class. Eli was staring hard at the board; well not really 'at' and more like 'through' and was shaking his leg uncontrollably. He didn't even acknowledge me coming into the room.

It would be hard getting some secrets out of him.

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**Hey! Tonight's episode was so cute! Poor Fiona **** I love her. I was really happy that Clare and Eli spent all that time together but I felt sorry for Adam. I think he's going to get hurt by Fitz in the final episode. ****So you guys know Munro's twin, Thomas? Well… Why isn't he famous? Like when I Googled him, there were no pictures of him! Not even baby pictures or anything. I was like so disappointed. Wait, he has a twin, right? The internet wasn't lying to me?**

**Also, this chapter's really short because I really suck at writing lately and I'm getting bad. Tell me if you agree. I had to work really hard to finish this chapter by tonight, so does it seem rushed? I have a few more things I need to put into this story, but some more story ideas are very welcome! Thank you very much for all your reviews, favorites, and alerts! I wish I could give you all cookies! ********And yes, this is another late night update, like usual. I don't think I'll ever have an update that's at a regular time. ********Okay, I'll just shut up now, thanks for everything, bye! Review my story though! I need that!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Eli's P.O.V._

I wasn't even considering telling Clare, she would get dragged into a shit load of drama she didn't need. She would just worry and worry, she wouldn't be able to do anything about it either. She didn't need the added stress. And ignoring her obviously wasn't an option considering her bouncing around Degrassi as if there were a hundred of her. Everywhere I turned I saw her astonishing blue eyes.

By now I knew that there was no other way to describe her eyes. Saying that they're beautiful was like the understatement of the century. I was almost happy that she wouldn't leave me alone, it showed that she cared. It was almost amusing, someone like Clare caring about someone like me. I felt sort of undeserving, I mean here I am trying my best to keep secrets from her while she's off worrying about me. But there was no way she could no, it was just too terrible of a secret.

I was so shocked that we had kissed. It was honestly the most magical moments of my life, and I didn't mean to sound like a girl, but I felt like my life was complete. When our lips touched it was like everything around us just disappeared and she was all that was left. I wanted to pinch myself and see if I would wake up from a dream. I almost passed out when I realized it wasn't some kind of sick joke played by the universe. The kisses were just magical.

Maybe one day I'll be able to tell her. After I get emancipated of course. And we could finally be together, and I'd get my chance at happiness. I can only hope that she'll wait for me. I would definitely wait for her if the roles were reversed though, the relationship would be perfect.

I just couldn't wait to fall in love with her, because I knew it was inevitable.

I had spent the afternoon with Adam hanging out. He was a good friend. I was thankful that he knew not to mention Clare since he noticed the obvious tension between us.

But, I had spoken too soon because after a few hours of being a good friend, he decided to bail on the act, "So Eli, I was just wondering, what is going on between you and Clare?"

"She just doesn't know how to mind her own business, okay? Just drop it," I felt a little bit irked.

"Dude, there's got to be more to it than that, I know you would never get this mad at Clare," He urged on.

"Adam, just drop it," I tensed and got slightly more annoyed.

He decided to back off, _smart move._

We spent the rest of the day being normal, and ignoring the big, fat elephant in the room. Whose ass, by the way, was stuck right in my face.

When I got home, I was glad to find out that my dad, or sperm donor, was passed out on the couch. Thank God, too. I was still in pain from the day before. But again, maybe I spoke too soon. Geez, was I jinxed or something?

I didn't know how much longer I could take this, he had already done some permanent damage to me, both physically and mentally. It just wasn't fair. Why could so many people have such happy lives? Was I just a bad person or something? I didn't need any more teenage angst, I've had too much of that over the years. I mean, have you seen what I'm wearing?

It wasn't the door slamming that woke him up. It wasn't me dropping my bag on the hard floor that woke him up. It was my quiet steps on the soft carpet that woke him up. He must have passed out a long time ago, because he actually woke up.

"Hey! What time is it?"

I mentally cursed myself and considered lying to him, "A little after seven."

I knew I was supposed to be home by five and prepared for the worst.

* * *

After my dad was done with his fun, I got myself cleaned up. The pain didn't even hurt too bad anymore, it was more numb than stinging or swelling. I guess I just felt so much hatred for him, it just stopped

I heard a vibration coming from my bag, it was an incoming phone call from Clare.

"Hello? Why are you calling me? I thought we were done."

"Could you come outside of your house? We need to have a little talk," She sounded troubled.

"How do you know where I live? Oh, I'll kill Adam!" I said frustrated.

"Eli, it's really important. Just please come outside."

I hung up the phone and went outside, but not before double checking in the mirror. I'd gotten so used to faking over the years. I guess what doesn't kill you, just makes you stronger. And that's what I was, _stronger._

She stood there with her eyes hinting worry.

"What do you want?" I asked, not afraid of sounding rude. I wanted to, I needed to scare her off.

"Eli, I came here a while ago, and I heard something coming from your house," She sounded almost scared.

"What did you hear?"

"Noises, like someone getting beat up. I didn't stay for long. My mom called me home and I just got back. Will you please tell me what's going on? Is your father hurting you?"

"What? No way!" I tried sounding convincing and she obviously wasn't buying it, I wasn't the best liar.

"Oh my god. Eli…" She trailed off speechless.

"Uh," I managed to choke out.

How could I have let her find out? This was my burden to bear, not hers.

"That's how you got all those wounds," She stated before cautiously taking a step towards me.

"Listen to me. Just leave me alone. I don't like you and it's not my fault you can't accept it!" I yelled at her in a desperate attempt to get her to leave.

"I'm not going home. I'm going to help you, Eli."

I finally gave up and sighed in defeat. She took another step, and another, and soon enough she was standing close enough for me to hear her heartbeat. It was going a thousand miles an hour and she wrapped her small arms around me.

I gave into her embrace and wrapped my arms around her to, digging my nose into her soft, auburn hair. It smelled so sweet, so comforting.

I wanted the moment to last but knew it couldn't and dreams were meant for sleeping.

"Clare, you can't tell anyone. Promise me right now," I demanded after pulling away from her hug.

"Eli, I'll try, but I can't promise you. You should call the police!" She exclaimed.

"Stay out of it, I don't want you to be involved. He is a very dangerous man," I warned.

"I don't care about that! I care about your safety, and my worries will never be assured if you stay with him!"

"If I don't stay with him I'm going to go to an orphanage, I won't see you for two whole years! Do you know how horrible that will be? I'm still under eighteen,"

"But it's a small price to pay for your life! What if he killed you?"

"Calm down," I cooed, "You're blowing this out of proportion. He wouldn't ever hurt me too badly."

"I know, I'm just worried about you, Eli. I really care about you and I know the feelings are returned."

"Yes, but I just really need you to leave it alone," I added, "For now."

"Okay, so can this please mean that we're together? I'm so sick and tired of waiting!" She lifted my frown into a smirk.

I was surprised at how far she'd come. When I met her she was still a bit shy, I think I opened up her shell as wide as it'll go.

I brought my hand to the back of her head and pushed her lips into mine, _hard_.

"That answer your question?" I asked with a dreamy look on my face after we pulled away.

"Yeah. You think you want to stay at my place tonight? My mom called me home to tell me she'd be out tonight at a _friend's _house."

"You sure don't waste any time. Do you, Blue Eyes?" I used her nickname for the first time during the entire conversation.

"I'll take that as a yes," She pecked me on the cheek before walking over to Morty.

"Hold on, let me just go get my keys, you wait here."

"Alright, be careful!"

I chuckled a bit. My dad was locked up in his room drinking. He probably wouldn't come out for the rest of the night.

I grabbed my keys on the dining the table and ran up the stairs.

"Eli! Where are you going?"

_Shit! He heard me! _I decided to deal with the pain later and enjoy the time I had with Clare now. It's not like he'll kill me.

I ran downstairs and closed the door behind me. I tried not to run so I wouldn't worry the lovely lady anymore.

"Alright, let's go!" I unlocked Morty and hopped in.

"Don't you want to bring some clothes or something?" She asked looking confused and adorable.

"It's okay, I have a spare set of clothes in school," I actually did, because sometimes I would bleed through the clothes I was wearing.

"Geez, what are you, gay?" Clare snorted.

"Excuse me! I just like to be prepared for accidents," I retorted.

"Yeah, okay." She laughed.

We got to her house a few minutes later and I asked if I could use the bathroom. I needed to clean up some of my cuts before they got ugly. I didn't need her scared.

_Clare's P.O.V._

Look at me! A year ago I wouldn't even talk to KC because I thought I was too young for boys, and here I am, dating a misfit who only wears black and drives a freaking funeral car. Wow, what a change. It was still kind of a shocker to me, dating Eli and all. He was like this untouchable dream I had only on my better days.

I just really couldn't believe his own father would do something like that to him. It was just plain _horrible._ I didn't know what to do about it, I just knew I couldn't let it happen, I _needed _to do something about it. This wasn't just something I could ride off and ignore, it was so serious. I couldn't help but just worry my ass off. What I've been going through, it isn't even a fraction as bad as what Eli's gone through for his entire life. I regretted not finding out about it earlier.

I knew there wasn't much I could do, but for what it's worth, I wanted to rip off his father's head.

He came back and we took a seat on the squishy loveseat across from the TV. I snuggled into him and he picked a movie.

"Eli, I hate horror movies! I'll just spend the entire time hiding my eyes!"

"That's the point," He smirked as I slapped him on the arm.

"My house, I pick the movies!"

"You invited me over. You should be a better hostess," He retorted.

"I am a very good hostess! Take it back!" I repeatedly hit him on the shoulder and he winced in pain.

"Oh gosh, Eli I'm sorry about that. I forg-" He cut me off.

"It's alright, Blue Eyes, it's no big deal," His smile still mad me melt.

I had on a big goofy grin as I leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

We eventually settled on watching a romantic comedy. Actually, more like he just let me pick.

During the movie I couldn't help but think of my parents. My mom was off probably getting drunk. And my dad was screwing his stupid girlfriend. So long ago, everything was fine. And it just fell apart so quickly, I couldn't even realize what was going on. It was like all of a sudden everything went from perfect, to crumbling down. As much as I hated to admit it, even Eli couldn't fix it, but he was certainly helping. He had his issues too, I didn't need to give him anymore. I wanted to believe it, I really did, but everything was _not _fine.

I excused myself for a minute and went up to my room. I grabbed the object and locked myself in the bathroom.

When I got out, I had three new cuts.

* * *

**Okay! That episode tonight was great! I really liked the fact that a year ago Clare was like so afraid of people, and now she's helping someone like Eli evacuate the school with a stink bomb, so I just had to put that in my story. It was so awesome! And I love Adam! And I wanted to clear some things up, in a few reviews they asked me why my story doesn't follow the events on the TV show. Well I don't have to copy what happened; I'm allowed to make up my own story, that's the whole point. Otherwise it would just be like copying the TV. So I hope you understand now.**

**So, I just wanted to let you know that the reason I've been updating so quickly is because well… I've sort of been feeling pressure from other authors, like they didn't do anything, they just update really fast and I feel like I can't match up to them, so I try to write as quickly as possible. And in other categories, no one ever updates this quickly. I guess everyone loves Eclare as much as I do! Tell me what you think about that, because I got a review from someone who said I really shouldn't rush my writing, and I agree completely, so I think I might take some time to update from now on, like not too long. I just won't rush. But hey, if you get lucky I'll focus more on writing and I won't slow down! And yes, this is another late night update! I realized, the updates are like always after two and before three. Okay, so thank you for all the reviews, alerts, and favorites! And also, I'm really happy with how much I've improved in that department since the beginning of the story. Okay so make sure you review my story. Please! I'm begging! Also, before I forget, when I said stuff about being gay, I'm not sure if that offended anyone, because it's a stereotype, if it did offend anyone, I'm really sorry and I didn't mean it in a bad way. I also support gay people five hundred million percent. Okay just felt that I needed to put that in there. Okay, thanks!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Clare's P.O.V._

The next morning when we went to school I was the happiest that I've been in a long time, and the saddest at the same time. I was so content that I had a boyfriend, but I was sad that my parents were divorcing (My dad was cheating and my mom was drinking all her troubles away), my friends were all drifting apart, and my ex best friend was about to start attacking me.

"Clare, you finally moved on from KC, huh? I always thought you'd stay a virgin until after marriage," Jenna said in a snooty manner.

"What are you talking about? I'm still a virgin," I asked confused.

"Don't try to deny it, I saw Eli driving you to school today, and he was wearing the same stuff as yesterday."

"Look, all you need to know is that we didn't sleep together, the rest is _none _of your business!" I grabbed my books out of the open locker in front of me, then slammed it shut roughly.

"You shouldn't lie about that, Clare, it's fine. A lot of people your age have sex," She continued.

"Jenna, unlike you, I don't get pregnant from guys I stole from my friends," I said to her before walking away.

It seemed to shut her up, I always knew that information would come in handy someday.

As I got a few yards away Jenna finally came back to planet Earth, "Clare, if you know what's good for you, you'll keep this to yourself," She warned me.

I scoffed, "We'll see."

Who does she think she is? She can't boss me around! It's not like she can do anything to me, _right?_

As the day progressed I started feeling like people were watching me. When I walked outside I saw all the heads turn and they started whispering instead of talking out loud.

_What were they talking about?_

I spotted Jenna talking to Alli and could just about make out what they were saying, "I hear I'm not the only one with a bun in the oven. I mean, come _on!_ Did you notice how much weight she gained?" Jenna said staring straight at me.

"Clare? No way!" Alli fought back.

"It's true, this morning I saw Eli and Clare drive to school, and Eli was wearing the same clothes as yesterday. This isn't the first time either. I've seen it before," Jenna gossiped.

I almost burst out laughing. I usually didn't care what anyone said about me behind my back. Alli's face turned even more surprised, if that was even possible. But the part about my weight stung a little. I knew I was fat! She didn't need to remind me all the time.

She came up to me and started shrieking, "Clare! You're pregnant?"

"No, Alli. Feel free to tell Jenna that," I remained calm.

"But Jenna said…" She trailed off confused.

"And you believed her?" I asked.

"But Eli stayed at your house last night, right?"

"Um… Y-yeah," I stammered.

"Oh my God! Clare, you never tell me anything anymore! From now on you have to fill me in on _everything_! So what happened?" Alli gushed.

And thus began the long conversation with Alli. She kept on asking me questions I didn't want to answer, and I kept trying to avoid the answers. Eventually she found out we were dating and freaked. She stated that she knew all along that we would end up together and KC was a piece of shit.

After school Alli and I caught up at the mall, she told me all about her relationship with Drew and I pretended to listen, but was secretly daydreaming about Eli Goldsworthy.

The afternoon was a lot more fun than it _normally_ was, mainly because I hadn't hung out with Alli in so long. It was the most _normal _thing I've done in ages. I felt like a _normal _person. I forgot about my parents and all that stuff, and I managed to ignore the throbbing in my left wrist.

* * *

The next day it was Eli who helped me feel normal, a feeling I'd been addicted to lately. After school he offered to take me to the carnival that was in town and I rapidly agreed.

Eli was a good boyfriend, although I've only had two in my life. KC was the perfect boyfriend in the beginning, he would carry my books, pull out seats for me, and hold doors. He would also text me cute messages and give me his jacket. He was so courteous. But after a few weeks the cute small gestures started to fade away into nothing. After months he was less of a boyfriend to me than Wesley was.

Eli was good, in a shy way though. He wouldn't do obvious things like pulling out my chair, well maybe in private he would, but he preferred to do sweet symbolic gestures, like giving me his headphones. I appreciated the way he cared about me.

At the carnival Eli and I walked hand and hand from one activity to another. He'd already won me a giant pink unicorn, I know it's cheesy.

"So is it a boy or a girl?"

"It's a boy," I said to Eli.

"But he's pink! He should totally be a girl," He fought back.

"Fine, he can be a girl. What should I name her?" I gave in.

"You should name her Ellie," He said, so conceited.

"No! I'm not going to name my unicorn after a redhead who used to go to Degrassi," I said playfully.

"No, name her after me. I mean I did use my mad skills to win her for you," He said with a smirk.

"We'll name her Ellie, then," I decided to let him win.

His smirk got wider and I linked arms with him. As we progressed towards the middle of the place Eli got hungry and we took a break at a small stand with a few benches around it.

In the middle of our meal I felt a small tap on my shoulder and I decided to ignore it.

I felt it again and whipped around and stood up, "Declan!" I shrieked.

"Hi, Clare," The rich boy said as Eli followed me up placing an arm around my waist.

"I thought you were in New York."

"I was and I came here to visit Fiona. I just happened to bump into you here."

I felt Eli tense up a lot next to me. I could hear him breathing sharply. _Was he jealous? _I almost chuckled. His green eyes just got a whole lot greener.

I pulled Declan into a hug, hoping to annoy Eli, "It's good to see you again! It's been a long time,"

When we pulled away he said, "You too. So who's this?" He motioned towards Eli.

"I'm her _boyfriend_, Eli, who are you?" He asked rudely as I elbowed him in his ribs.

Eli rubbed his side and let out an, "Ow!"

"I'm just an old friend, nice to meet you," He turned to me, "Listen, I have to go find Fiona, I seem to have lost her, I'll see you around. I think I might visit Degrassi tomorrow," He shot me a charming smile.

"Bye, Declan." I smiled sweetly at him.

After he was gone I turned to Eli, "What is wrong with you?" I yelled as I smacked him on the arm.

He frowned, "Geez, what's with all the abuse?"

I tapped my foot impatiently, "Answer my question. Were you jealous?"

"Psh, no," He said unconvincingly.

"Uh huh. Okay," I said sarcastically as we took our seats.

"Think what you want, Edwards," He said as he turned back to his burger.

"I will, Goldsworthy, but don't worry, I've only got one guy on my mind and that's you," I smirked at him knowing it was true.

I looked down at mine before taking a bite. It seemed pointless though, I wasn't even hungry. It was just a bunch of calories. I pushed it away from me, no need for the extra fat. I mean I needed to fit into a pretty dress for the dance. I already ate half of it and it felt gross.

I guess he was rubbing off on me a little. It was hard to not start acting like him, I mean it was just so cute when he did it. In the beginning when I just met him, the way we fought was so childish, it was almost adorable. It was sad that everyone could figure out we belonged to each other so long before we could.

I watched him eat, and leaned my head on his shoulder. As fun as it was catching up with Declan my feelings for him were long gone and replaced by stronger ones for Eli.

"I'm going to go find a bathroom, you wait here, okay?" I asked him.

He nodded in response and I walked to the restroom I saw on the way over here.

I've never tried anything like it before, but I felt so fat and disgusting. I was a giant pig and no one finds that attractive.

I went into the bathroom stall and looked down at the murky water. It was gross, just like my body. I then stuck my finger onto the back of my tongue and applied pressure, and just like I'd seen in movies, the vomit came right after. I puked until all that was coming out was stomach acid.

I took out a wisp from my purse and cleaned my mouth before walking out feeling more confident than I had when I went in. I had my head held high and my chest out. I was almost proud, not that I would admit it to anyone. It was _wrong_. Even if it did feel really good. I thought back to what Jenna had said the day before, she was right, but she wouldn't be for too long. I was glad that eventually I would be skinnier than Jenna, and Eli would like me more.

When he was done we spent the rest of the day just hanging out and talking about everything. I'd been trying really hard to ignore the topic of his father, but it was just too hard. It was the only thing I could think about and I really needed to get my feelings out.

"Eli, what are we going to do about your father?" I asked, obviously worried.

"_We _are going to do nothing. _I, _on the other hand, am going to wait until I can legally move out, and possibly take you with me," He smirked, trying to blow off the subject.

I was flattered that he would even consider taking me anywhere with him, it was so incredibly nice of him, and I was looking forward to it, I mean spending time with him was great.

"I don't think we should wait that long," I said.

"Edwards, don't you think this relationship might be going too fast?" He asked talking about me moving in with him.

I slapped him on the shoulder, "I was talking about your issue with your dad! I mean like you can't keep living with him! What if you get seriously hurt? I would never let myself live with that," I rambled on.

"I mean you need to move out, we could tell the police, you don't have long until you're eighteen, maybe you could even get emancipated or something. I want you to be as safe as possible," I kept going and finally he cut me off.

His soft, supple lips pressed onto mine and I melted at the touch. It was like I was on cloud nine, it was simply just a beautiful kiss. As he started pulling away I used my hand to push his head closer to me as I sank into him.

When we both ran out of air Eli was the first to speak, "I know how to shut you up," He smirked at me.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the next attraction I saw.

It was a pretty purple tent with gold lace, it was like velvet. It had an eerie aura. It's sign said _Tarot Cards, _I was immediately excited and turned to Eli.

"Can we go, please?" I begged.

"One condition," He smirked.

"Anything!" I exclaimed.

"Give me a kiss," His smirk only got bigger.

I leaned up to his face and leaned in for another perfect moment.

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**Fuck… You guys! Tonight's episode! It was just MAGICAL. I screamed my ass off. It was like the most magical episode yet! They better make up in tomorrow's episode though! It was just so awesome! Stupid Mark Fitzgerald… Ass hole. I mean he's kind of attractive, but he's still an ass hole (Nowhere near as hot as Munro Chambers, though). I just have a thing for bad boys ****. But Oh my god they were just so cute together! I was like dying all over the place! And by the way Drew, that was an ass hole move, I don't care how hot you are.**

**Another thing, I watched the Shark in the Water promo again for the five millionth time, but this time I realized just how clever it is. Since it's like the end of the season and I've seen everything, it all just makes so much more sense! I sound really retarded. I bet no one really even reads these author's notes, and I seem really annoying in them, like I know I hate it when the authors leave really annoying long ones, but I can't help it. When it comes to Degrassi I really lose my cool. Hope you give me another chance in the personality department.**

**Okay, so this chapter was sort of short, I'm sorry but I wanted to update tonight, it's a little later than usual. I didn't really like this chapter too much, tell me what you thought. I was also super side tracked, I was Googling like crazy. Thank you for all the reviews, alerts, and favorites from last night, by the way. I'm super excited for tomorrow's episode! I also really need some ideas for the story, because I'm really running out. So could you give me some help? Please, unless you want this story to end after like fifteen chapters. Because I'm not really the brightest star in the solar system. Okay so please review a lot! I'll love you a lot if you do! Again, sorry for the super long authors note.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I need to put up a warning, I don't really know anything about tarot cards so I'm like making this up as I go. Well, with the help of a few tarot card websites. I'm stupid okay! Don't judge me.**

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_Eli's P.O.V._

We entered the tent and we saw a lady in robes. On her head sat a giant purple turban and a big white feather going up the middle.

She motioned for us to take a seat at her table. Clare sat to my left side.

"Hello, kids. Do you want me to tell you your fortune?" She asked in a mystical voice.

Clare nodded vigorously, "Yes, please."

"Together or separate?"

"Together," Clare smiled at me.

"The three card spread?"

"Uh… Sure?" Clare said slightly confused.

"Alright, twenty dollars then," She held out her hand.

I frowned and pulled out my wallet. I counted one ten and two five then handed it to her.

I heard a small voice come from my left side, "Thanks," She grinned.

It made me feel good that I could make her smile.

The woman then took out some cards from under the table.

She did some weird stuff I didn't quite understand and placed the first card in front of us.

The first one was a picture of two people, a man, a woman, and two trees, probably Adam and Eve, considering they were naked. There was a God like person above them and the clouds.

The woman started explaining the card, "Love is a force that controls everything you do. This card means you've found someone who is a huge part of yourself, and you are so perfectly attuned to each other, someone you cannot even try to resist. It is about choosing that other person over everyone, because your souls are just so magnetically drawn to each other and your feelings for each other are just so intense. It means you're soul mates," She smiled at us lovingly.

I turned my head to face Clare and gave her a sly smirk.

"This card is ruled by Gemini, the twins. The angel above Adam and Eve is the angel Raphael who is the symbol of Mercury and the element air. Also the planet and element of Gemini. Gemini is the sign for communication. Since it is The Twins, this card means you are finding yourself in another person. It's card number is six," She concluded.

It was pretty true, Clare and I weren't up to the "Love" phase in our relationship yet, but all of it described us, Clare was a huge part of my life, and she probably as like my other half.

Next she put down another card rightfully labeled, "Death", it had a picture of a skeleton in armor riding on a white horse, that skeleton was death. There was also a rising sun in the background.

"This card can resemble death, like the death of a relative or someone you know. But it also most likely shows the end of one chapter in your life. In order to begin the next part of your life, you have to end the part before it. Death is just a natural part of any cycle," She continued, "As for the skeleton, it shows you being stripped to the bone, because that is how all transformations begin. The sun represents the beginning of a new cycle. Death isn't just the end, it's also the beginning of something new."

I felt Clare grip my hand tightly because we both knew just how true it was.

She continued, "It's ruler is the Scorpio. The Scorpio's three forms are the scorpion, the serpent, and the eagle. The transition is from the lowest one to the higher one, then to the highest one. This being a card of humility, it means that you must get to the lowest point before getting to the highest one. It's card number is thirteen."

Maybe it meant that we were finally going to end the bad part in our life, with Clare's parents and my dad. Maybe we could finally start our futures together. I felt somewhere in my heart that it was true.

She finally pulled out the third and final card. It had a picture of a man in really colorful clothing, he had a small pack and a dog following him close behind. The card was labeled, "The Fool"

"The fool is a card representing the beginning of a brand new cycle. With all his material possessions in his bag, he roams around aimlessly with his dog. The bag represents that if he has everything he could need on his journey, all he needs to do is get it out of his bag," She kept going on, "But be warned, if you aren't cautious you will misstep and fall, and end up looking like a fool."

I almost chuckled at her, but her face was too serious. I wondered what that could mean, it tied into the Death card, I knew one stage of my life was almost over. It was for sure that's what the cards were telling me. I then realized how superstitious I sounded. I quickly shook it off and went back to listening to the woman talk.

"The card number is zero, which is the first card, it works out because it is the beginning. It also means that you feel like you're back at square zero, back to where it all started, whether it's in relationships, in jobs, in family life, all of that. It ultimately means a new start." She concluded her fortune telling.

Clare and I quickly thanked her and walked out of the place.

"Was it just me, or was all of that creepily true?" Clare decided to break the silence.

"No, it was all true. I'm just waiting for it to happen, but I kind of felt it in the pit of my stomach. It was just strange."

"I know! I mean, what's going to end? And what's going to start? I'm just like waiting for something now," Clare said excitedly.

"Chill, it's probably not even true, if it's going to happen, it will happen. Don't rush it or anything." I calmed her down.

"Alright, my parents are gone again tonight. You coming over?"

I thought about it for a second. My dad would probably kill me when I got back, but if it meant I could spend more time with Clare, I was all for it. She was worth all the pain in the world.

"Sure, Clare Bear, just promise you won't take advantage of me," I smirked.

She giggled, "I'll try my best."

I didn't bother texting my dad, because I knew he would just drunk text me a bunch of stupid stuff.

I looked down at Clare and put my arm around her shoulders. She was smiling up at me and I couldn't help but smirk at her. She was just so cute.

When we got to her house it was around nine.

"Eli, crap! I just remembered! We need to work on our essays! They're due tomorrow!"

"Do you have two computers? No. So I can't work on it, how about we just skip tomorrow, it'll be a lot more fun anyways," I offered hoping she would be a little badass.

"Fine, if we get detention it's all your fault though," She sighed.

I kissed her on the lips. God it felt good. I'd waited so long for it, and when it finally happened it was way better than I ever thought it would be. It was pure ecstasy. I deepened the kiss as my tongue slipped into her tiny mouth. I explored every part of it and did the same with my hands. I felt her small hands pull off my blazer and I shrugged it off.

It started heating up as she moved her hands to the top of my button-up. She reached the first button and unbuttoned it, then the next, then the next, and before I knew it my shirt was off. I couldn't help myself as I tugged at the hem of her shirt. She eagerly pulled it over her head, her lips leaving mine for only a second as her stomach and bra were exposed.

I don't know why, but her simple black bra was turning me on more than anything I've ever seen. Her stomach was flat and her bust weren't huge, but it was still extremely sexy. I'd only caught a glimpse of her and I felt myself tense up when her hands started fiddling with my belt buckle.

It was the second time that she'd tried to have sex with me. The first time I was unsure of whether she actually liked me or not, but now that I knew she did, I was only slightly hesitant. But it was enough for me to pull away.

I admired her body, "Clare are you sure about this? What about your purity ring and how true love waits?" I questioned anxiously.

"I'm positive. And screw that!" She yanked her ring off and threw it across the room before attacking me with her lips again.

I pulled away breathless after a few minutes, "Clare, are you okay? I don't have a condom."

I was really worried, she didn't normally act like this and I wasn't sure what was going on. I wanted to do it, but we weren't in love just yet and I wanted her to keep her innocence because of her beliefs.

"Eli, I really want this okay? I love you," She said genuinely.

Her eyes were shining in the light and looked so beautiful. Her lips were pouting a bit and I just couldn't say no to that face. Then it hit me, she said "I love you" and it looked like she meant it. I wasn't sure if it was lust overpowering her common sense or something. I knew I liked her a lot, and it was going to be love really soon, but I just didn't love her yet. I knew that if I didn't love her yet, she definitely couldn't love me yet. _Was she trying to seduce me?_

"Okay, just promise me you'll be okay," I said finally giving in.

She grinned widely and kissed my cheek. She then peppered kisses down my face and onto my neck where she started nibbling. I groaned as she moved her lips back to mine.

I kissed her fiercely before putting my lips on her earlobe and biting gently. She moaned and finally managed to get my pants off.

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_Clare's P.O.V._

The next morning I woke up and all the thoughts of last night rushed back to me, too fast might I add. Kissing. Eli. _Sex. _With no condom might I add. I wasn't sure what had gotten into me. The good Clare would have never had _sex_ with a hot delinquent.

I remembered feeling ugly and unwanted. I knew that Eli always made the feeling go away, so having sex with him seemed like the best thing to do at the time. Of course I also happened to be stupid and not use a condom. What if I'd gotten pregnant or something? Was I honestly that reckless?

I remembered that Eli tried to stop me from making a mistake. He asked me over and over again if I really wanted it or not. At first I felt bad, like I was gross, and that he didn't want me, but then I saw it in his eyes, the lust and how he wanted it even more than I did and I realized that it was really sweet of him and I was thankful. But I kept forcing him. I wanted to wash away all those bad feelings. I wanted it to help me forget about my parents and everything.

The worst part was that I didn't feel any regret. I knew it was wrong, and I didn't feel any cleaner, in fact I felt dirtier, but in a different way, more like… naughty. I also felt ashamed. I felt horrible, Eli was also a virgin and I took it from him, he was so hesitant and scared. I knew if I was me at the time I would be like that too, but I was like a completely different person, it was weird. It was like this crazy wild girl took over my body and I was trapped on the inside just watching my body do these things.

I then noticed that Eli was gone. I was alone and tucked into my bed. I felt a wave of confusion rushed through my brain. _Did he actually leave me? Did he regret it? Was he angry?_ The thoughts pounded my mind. I checked my phone for the time and was calmed down by a text message from Eli.

_Last night was amazing. I left this morning through the window because your mom came home. If your mom wasn't home I'd make you breakfast. Too bad, I'll talk to you in school, or you can text me if you want me to drive you._

_-Eli_

I texted back saying my mom would drive me. His text was cute and sarcastic, just like him, but I dreaded seeing him, what would he say? Would he be mad. Was he going to break up with me? I felt my heart sink as I got into the shower. It was like I couldn't wash off Eli's touch from my body no matter how furiously I scrubbed. I just wasn't clean.

It's not that I didn't like him, it's just, I don't think I was really ready. And when I said "I love you" I didn't mean it yet. I was super close, almost there, but not yet. I wanted to tell him about all my feelings, but I knew I would sound like an idiot if I did. He might go off and laugh at me. I didn't want that. Well, I knew Eli was much too nice for that, despite his bad boy reputation.

After washing myself for the umpteenth time, I finally got out of the shower and toweled myself off. After getting ready I dragged myself down the stairs. I decided on just a pear, because apples reminded me too much of Eli, and I was trying very hard to ignore the thoughts of him.

I yelled to my mother upstairs, "Mom! Get up! I need a ride to school!"

It was much too late to walk to school, I would even be late if my mom drove me.

"One second!" I heard a muffled scream.

She was the parent who took care of me, my dad was just always gone, so I loved her for that. I knew how hard it must have been for her to go through that with my dad, and this was just her way of dealing with it. I wasn't sure if they were getting a divorce or staying together, although I was almost positive they were divorcing.

My thoughts were then confirmed by a pile of divorce sheets sitting on the dining room table. A few minutes later I heard my mom's light footsteps coming down the stairs.

She looked like a mess, her hair was crazy and all over the place, her clothes had stains on them, she hadn't done her laundry in weeks, and her eyes were bloodshot. I felt so sad at the sight of her. _Where had the pretty, clean woman go? The one I called "Mom" who took care of me. _I let it go as we walked to the car.

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**Okay, tonight's episode was a bit disappointing. I mean, no one got stabbed! That's just stupid! Like I know Eli almost got stabbed but like not really. Fitz wasn't even trying to stab him. Ugh. And they didn't even kiss once! But in October… Oh God! Those uniforms were some nasty stuff. I mean Eli made it work, but they were just so ugly. And I saw that scene with Clare and her hair was straight and like I think some people said she was trying to look more goth for Eli. Whatever, and I think Alli's like leaving, because in the end of the promo when someone said "I'm leaving Degrassi," it sounded like Alli. Oh also, I really hate that Clare's friends with Jenna now.**

**All the stuff I said about tarot cards is courtesy of aeclectic(dot)net and paranormality(dot)com. I like quoted the whole thing from the websites, but I made a few changes. These are all "Major Arcana Cards" apparently, I'm not really sure about any of this. Also, just thought I'd mention that the card, "The Lovers" is ruled by Gemeni, and that's what I am! I'm also in love with love ****. The Death card really tied in nicely with the story line, because it is the end of something, because you always have to end a part of life before beginning another. Okay, also, this chapter was super hard for me to write, because I had to work really hard to figure out what third card to put in, and I had to like make it mean new beginnings, and of course that was card zero. I had a lot of fun studying about tarot cards, it's actually a lot of fun because I'm really into stuff like that. I think I might have another obsession here!**

**Alright, so I hope you liked this chapter, tell me what you thought about the tarot cards and about the **_**intimate**_** scene. I'm not really good at writing those, not too much experience either. I'm like not really that old and I'm kind of only thirteen. Yeah, don't judge me by my age! I know it makes me sound younger when I say this, but I act older than I am, not that I've proven it, because to be honest, I sound like an adolescent idiot in my authors notes and stuff. And this is the longest chapter so far. And yes, another late night update. Get used to them! Yep... So thanks for all the reviews, favorites, and alerts, be sure to review today because it'll make me smile.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Clare's P.O.V._

When I got to school it almost felt like all eyes were on me. To be honest, there were no eyes on me, but I felt guilty, like I'd done something wrong. I tried hiding from the eyes of my peers and shrunk into my clothes.

Sometime in the morning I felt someone tap my shoulder. I thought it might be Declan so I put on a smile and turned around. But when I saw who it was my smile turned into a frown.

"KC," I grimaced a bit.

"How are you?" He made some small talk.

"I'm fine. What do you want?"

"I saw you kissing that emo kid, Eli yesterday, Clare. Why him?"

I wasn't sure when he saw it, I'd been kissing him a lot in school lately.

"First of all, Eli is not emo, he's just different. Just like the rest of us. Everyone's different. I'm different, Adam's different, _you_ are different too. Don't go judging people," I continued, "And second of all, I can kiss whoever I want to kiss, you're not my boyfriend anymore!" I stated before attempting to storm off angrily.

KC grabbed my wrist and spun me around, "Clare, he's not a good guy. He could hurt you!" He warned.

"KC, the only person hurting me right now, is you," I yanked my wrist out of his grasp before finally succeeding on walking away angrily.

I decided to keep this from Eli, he was kind of the jealous type. Well, then again, _human's _are the jealous type.

As the day progressed I did my best to avoid Eli. I didn't want to talk to him for the day. I had promised him I'd skip class with him, but I completely forgot and when English class came around, I had no choice but to talk to him.

"Clare, why are you avoiding me?" Eli asked me.

"Because! You know why!" I snapped back.

"You said you wanted to, I tried to stop you."

"I'm sorry I forced you. Was I _really_ that bad?" I asked, half sarcastic.

"That's not what I meant! Are you okay? What's going on?"

"No! I am _not_ okay! My parent's relationship was dangling by the tiniest thread a few weeks ago before it finally broke and I have _nothing_ anymore!" I yelled as the tears started pouring out of my eyes.

Now eyes were really on me, and everyone started whispering. We had a few minutes before class started and Eli grabbed my stuff before motioning for me to follow him. I got up from my seat and followed him with tears still falling

"I just want to help you, okay? Blue Eyes, just let me help you," Eli wiped my tears away as I buried my face in his shoulder while he embraced me.

"Eli," I said, my voice muffled by his jacket, "Last night, when I said I loved you, I didn't mean it. I mean I want it to and I'm almost there, but I'm just not ready yet."

It felt good to finally get it off my chest and he nodded, "I know, I'm not there yet either."

I reluctantly pulled myself out from under his embrace, "And, we can't have sex again, for a long time. Last night, I'm not sure what happened to me, but I just really needed it at the time. I'm sorry," I whispered before falling into his arms again.

He didn't respond and remained quiet as he ran his hands through my short hair. He finally nodded his head slightly, I wasn't sure if he actually did or not, but a huge wave of relief rushed through me. It was nice knowing everything was good between us.

"Want to go to the park? Ms. Dawes'll kill us if we go back to class now," Eli broke the silence.

"Yeah, that sounds nice," I sniffled.

He slung our stuff around his shoulder and grabbed my hand. We intertwined our fingers and walked out of the school.

"You're amazing, you know. I mean, you're the best thing in my life right now," I said blushing.

"Right back at you, Blue Eyes. You're my sunshine," He grinned.

"How cheesy," I laughed at him.

"You know you love it," He teased me.

"Yeah, okay," I said sarcastically.

When we got to the park we took a seat under a giant oak tree. We hid from the sun under the leaves and I rested my head on his shoulder.

I started, "Eli, can you be completely honest with me? I feel like I should know everything about you, since… You know."

"Yeah. Ask away."

"Tell me what happened with your parents," I knew it was a hard spot for him, and he might not want to tell me. But at this point in our relationships, I needed to know.

I felt Eli tense up a whole lot and sit up straighter.

He then took a deep breath before speaking, "I hate thinking about them, and remembering," He trailed off.

"Look if this is hard for you, I understand," I reassured.

"No, I need to tell you. I haven't told anyone in so long. I haven't thought about it in forever. I trained myself to forget about it. But it'll always be in the back of my mind," He explained, "My mom was fantastic, the most amazing person in the world. She was the one who took care of me. She hid me from my dad," He said the last part grimly.

He continued, "She was actually a lot like you, smart, caring, and nice. But she had a bad family life. My dad, he used to beat both of us, and that's how she died. She died defending me, I was only seven," His eyes got glassy, "My dad always loved her a lot, no matter how he showed it, he just loved her to death, literally. He would beat her and me over and over again, but he would always apologize to her and they would make up afterwards. After my mom died, the beatings got a lot worse, and my dad got a lot more depressed," Eli finished.

By then I felt so much remorse for him. I hadn't realized it earlier, but my eyes were wet and I was crying. Eli looked very troubled and tried keeping on his mask, but failed. It was barely there, but I saw it, a single crystal tear fell down his cheek. It was very small, just a droplet, but it was sparkling.

I leaned in and embraced him, "Oh, Eli," I muttered into his soft hair.

_Eli's P.O.V._

I hadn't thought about her in so long. I tried erasing her from my mind because it simply hurt too much to remember her. She was the only good part of my life for a while. During her absence my dad had grown so hateful, he didn't apologize anymore, he stayed out later, got drunker, and he just changed completely.

The nine years without my mother and without Clare were horrifying. I had nothing, everything was so dark and gloomy, there was no bright light at the end of the tunnel, hell there was no end to the tunnel. I'd tried to commit suicide twice, but obviously failed. The first time I took some pills, but they pumped my stomach just in time. The second time I'd cut, but I didn't lose enough blood by the time I was found.

I now knew that everything happened for a reason, if I had died, I never would have met Clare, I never would have made it to this point where things are working out. I'd never be happy.

I was slightly ashamed that I'd _cried_ in front of Clare. But if I want to be honest in this relationship, this is going to have to happen eventually. I actually haven't cried in ages. I didn't cry from physical pain, I'd gotten used to it (courtesy of my dad), so only something emotional could set me off. I mean, I wasn't a giant pansy, but it felt good to finally get it out, even if it was just one tear. I mean I'd been holding it in for so many years, it just builds up.

Her small arms were wrapped around me, and I suddenly felt… at _home. _It was like I was right where I belonged. She made me feel wanted, needed, and most importantly: loved. She made me feel this kind of warmth I was so not used to. It started from the pit of my stomach, and it just grew and grew the more time I spent with her.

"Thanks," I managed to spit out as I reluctantly let go of her body.

I took her hand in my hand and rested it on my thigh as she spoke, "It's alright, I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

Then I realized it, she felt _bad _for me, "I don't need your pity, Clare. I need you to treat me like a normal person," I withdrew her hand and my voice turned cold.

I put back up the wall that protected me from other people. It kept my feelings in, and it kept their feelings out. It's another reason why I didn't want to tell her, she'd already broken down my wall so much, I had to keep here away from the part that really mattered, but she broke down that part too. It was almost infuriating, she just cared so fucking much.

"Eli, I won't. I promise. Just please, don't do that," She begged.

"Do what?" I asked confused.

"Become all distant whenever I try to get to know you better. If we're going to do _this, _then you have to let me in, and it's too late to turn back. So please let me in."

I was slightly shocked by her sudden outburst, "I'm sorry, I'm just not used to it," I sighed.

"Used to what?" She asked, it was her turn to be confused.

"Used to someone caring about me," I stated.

Her features softened, "Well, get used to it. Because I'm not going anywhere," She grasped my hand and pecked me on the cheek.

It was at that moment that I realized thatI was in love with Clare Edwards. Just a few hours ago I was telling myself I wasn't here yet, but now I was. _Great timing_, I thought sarcastically. Just moments earlier Clare was telling me how she didn't mean it when she said it. Thinking to what she just said about staying with me, I "bucked up" because I knew that I would wait forever for her to fall in love with me.

I wasn't sure why I hadn't realized it earlier, she was just so perfect and amazing. She was my everything. I mean, I had her innocence, and she had mine. We were bound together forever no matter what happened. She took care of me, and she actually liked me. It was inevitable, I was going to fall in love with her sooner or later, I guess it just happened sooner.

I felt that I needed to tell her. I didn't care that the feelings were unrequited, because I knew she would love me eventually. She just needed to know how I felt so we could move on as soon as she was ready. I thought back to what the fortune teller said from the day before.

I then heard a slight rumbling noise coming from Clare's stomach, "Hungry, Edwards?" I raised an eyebrow and had a smirk on my face.

Her cute face turned ghost white and her smile faded as she vigorously shook her head, "No!" She replied a little bit too fast.

_What was going on? _She was acting strange

"Um, okay. What do you want to do for the rest of the day?" I asked slightly confused.

"Anything, we could go catch a movie?" She offered.

I shook my head, "No, that's a really unoriginal date, let's do something else…" I thought for a moment.

"We could go to the mall? Or maybe the library. Oh! We should go to the beach," She kept going on, suggesting everything that popped into her mind.

I sat silent listening to her drone on as I finally blurted out something, "Let's visit my mom."

I wasn't sure why I said it. I didn't know if I was quite ready for it, but I wanted Clare to meet her, and what better time than right now?

She immediately shut up, "Um. Okay!" She gave me a big smile as we got up.

I'd realized that we sat there for an hour just talking. School would be over in four, so we had a lot of time to kill before I could drop her home.

The cemetery wasn't too far, about thirty minutes. When we parked I got out of the car and jogged to the other side to open the door for her.

I motioned for her to follow me and she grabbed my hand. I was quite familiar with the place, but I haven't visited in a month. I took the path that was etched into my mind and finally stopped at a medium sized gray tombstone.

"Hayley Goldsworthy," Clare whispered.

I gave her a sad smile before pulling out my wallet. I took out a picture that I hid behind a bunch of business cards. I used to look at it, it was the only picture of my mother that my dad hadn't hidden. It was small, but it was her and it warmed my heart.

I showed the picture to her, "This is my mom."

"You've got her eyes," Clare smiled.

"I know, I'm glad, they were so pretty, she used to tuck me in at night and they would be the last things I saw before I fell asleep. I just miss her so much," I reminisced about her.

I felt her hand on my arm, "Eli, she's beautiful."

I nodded before wrapping my arms around Clare. I didn't cry. I didn't even feel like it. I just let out a deep breath before finally pulling away. It seemed like I spent half my life with her in my arms. And it was true, every chance I had I would embrace her, she was just that huggable.

"Clare Bear, you give great bear hugs. Good job living up to your name," I broke the tension.

She laughed, "I hate it when other people call me that."

I cut her off, "But when I do it, it's cute, right?" I smirked at her.

She smiled at me playfully before giving me a kiss, "So is it time for me to meet her yet?"

I solemnly nodded, "Hey mom," I paused, "I know it's been a while. I've missed you a lot, and dad does too," I turned to steal a glance from Clare, she was silently cheering me on.

"There's one thing that's been keeping me sane for the past few months. And without her I'd be so lost, because when you were here, that was you. But you're gone now. I want you to meet her, because I know you guys would love each other if you ever met. Her name's Clare Edwards, she's a really good influence on me, so that's a plus, right? Okay. So here she is."

I decided then and there that I would tell her after she finished. She knew every bit of information there was to know about me, and it just felt so right.

I stood back as I watched Clare start talking, "Hi, Mrs. Goldsworthy, I'm Clare. I met your son in English class, we were assigned partners. I know that you would be so proud of him, he's a great person, and he looks just like you." She took a breath, "I've only heard great things about you, and I hope you're doing okay wherever you are. I promise I'll take good care of Eli, because sometimes, a person just needs somebody," She finished with a smile and I took her hands in mine.

"Blue Eyes, I need to do this in front of my mother because there's never been a more perfect time," I paused and looked at her confused face, "You mean so much to me, and I haven't felt this good in such a long time, and it's all thanks to you."

"You mean a lot to me too!" She smiled.

"I know, and no one's ever made me feel this way before. And you don't have to say it back because I know you wouldn't mean it, you can even tell me if you feel uncomfortable, or just ignore it, but-"

"Spit it out, Eli!" She cut me off.

I smiled before continuing, "What I'm trying to say, is that I love you,"

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**Cliffie! Okay so in the last chapter, when I started working on the tarot card shit, I got hit by like a huge wave of inspiration, like I got a few new ideas, like suddenly, that little bit of writer's block is just gone! And I'm even more inspired to write this story. The idea is a little bit similar to someone on Degrassi's story line, but I didn't notice until after I already did some of the writing for it, so that's all I'm giving away. You'll just have to read more to find out! And I'm afraid that since they stopped showing new episodes until October, I'm going to be updating slower. Also, I'm pretty sure it was Alli who said she's leaving in the end, **_**not**_** Clare. Also, I need help! Tell me if you think it's too early for "I love you" and stuff. I wasn't too sure about it. I know I sound like a total wuss, but when I was writing that stuff that Eli said to his mom, I was like tearing up. Yay! Another late night update, well, tonights wasn't that late. Okay so thanks for all the reviews last night, for all the alerts and favorites too! Alright. That's the end of this chapter! Tell me what you think about this chapter in your review! Was it bad? Was it good? Did you think Eli rushed when he said "I love you"? I _need_ more review! Like I'm desperate! I'll like bake you virtual cookies if you review. :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Eli's P.O.V._

I was waiting for an answer, but at the moment she seemed to be too in shock to answer. I felt kind of stupid, I mean I knew she didn't return the feelings, so why did I have to go ahead and say it?

I was surprised by her response, she leaned in and kissed me deeply, "I don't love you yet Eli, but I will soon. I promise," She smiled.

"I guess I that's the best answer I could have expected," I smiled back.

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize, Blue Eyes. It's alright," I assured her.

"Your mom might hate me though," She chuckled.

"It's impossible for anyone to hate you," I kissed her on the cheek.

"That's not true."

"It is, now we should start heading back now. School will be over soon."

I grabbed her hand and pulled her along with me as we walked back to Morty.

Ten minutes into the car ride it started drizzling lightly and I turned on the windshield wipers.

"Okay, we're at your house, your parents home?" I asked her.

"No, you can come in, if you'd like to."

"Nah, I should go check up on my dad, I'll call you later?"

"Yeah, please," I saw her get out of the car and watched her fiddle with her bag for a while until she finally spotted her keys.

I watched her go in the house before starting up Morty again. I let out a sigh as I thought of what I'd be in for when I got home. I'd never pulled anything like that before, staying out the night. He'd certainly have my head. I drove home slowly, dreading the moments I'd be in pain. It's not like a few minutes would make a difference. I admit, it was all worth it, to be able to spend so much time with Clare, but paying the price wasn't fun.

When I unlocked the door I cringed as I heard uneven footsteps.

"Eli! Where the fuck have you been?" He slurred.

"I'm sorry. I was with my uh…" I trailed off.

"Your girlfriend? You can't have a girlfriend!" He exclaimed before grabbing a shattered beer bottle and smashing it into my left shoulder

"How do you know?" I grabbed my throbbing shoulder, blood was pouring out.

"You talk when you're knocked out," He mocked me, "_Clare! Clare!"_

I cringed.

"Guess your _girlfriend _is about to lose her boyfriend!"

"No! Please don't!" I let out a pathetic plea.

"I'm sorry! I'm your father, I need to teach you a few life lessons," He continued bashing my cheek with his fist.

"Lesson number one, no staying out past your bedtime," He pushed me to the ground and continuously kicked my side.

"Ugh," I groaned.

"Lesson number two, no talking back," He slapped me in the mouth between words.

"And lesson number three, _no _girlfriends," He said.

He kicked me repeatedly, probably worse than ever before. He used me as a physical outlet. I heard a few of my ribs crack before I finally blacked out. I silently thanked the universe for making the pain go away.

_Clare's P.O.V._

It's been six hours! Eli should have called by now, or at least texted. I signed onto my instant messanger and scrolled to the "E" section, but he wasn't online either.

I couldn't help but feel worried. The butterflies in my stomach hadn't gone away since I saw him day before. Except, up until a few hours ago it was because he loved me, but now it was because of the worry.

I thought back to the nice day we spent together. It was surprising when he'd confessed about his mother, I regretted prying, and when he told me that he loved me, my heart was about ready to jump out of my chest. I never would have expected it, since just hours before I'd told him I wasn't quite ready for love. When I was with KC I'd meant it for a while, but as we grew apart I just said it because I felt that it was necessary.

Thinking about his mother made me remember the horrible secret he'd told me about his father and I came to a terrible realization, _Eli might be hurt._

I quickly grabbed a coat and slipped on my shoes before rushing out of the house screaming to my dad who was in the study.

I jogged to the backyard and grabbed my bike before peddling as fast as I could to the red brick house. I couldn't believe his father could have even done something like that. Especially to his own flesh and blood. It just seemed so_ monstrous_.

When I reached his house I took note that the only car in the driveway was his hearse, meaning his father wasn't home. I'd actually only been to his house once before and there hadn't been a car either, but I doubted that an abusive father would get his son a car and not one for himself.

I couldn't open the door so I peeked into one of the windows, the cloth shades were drawn but through a small crack I could faintly see a familiar body clad in black and blood on the floor. He was lying in a curled up ball in a puddle of his own blood. I shuddered and held back the vomit. It was truly a scary sight. The curtains were moving around so I'd only caught a glimpse of him before I started crying. I whipped out my phone and dialed the police's number.

"Hello?" I heard a voice on the other line.

"It's my boyfriend! I'm at his house, and he's on the inside and he's on the floor. He's bleeding and he's knocked out," I yelled into the phone frantically, I could barely understand what I was saying.

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to calm down and enunciate better,"

"My boyfriend's knocked out and bleeding! The doors locked and I need an ambulance!" I screamed through my tears,"

"Alright, where are you?"

I mumbled the address and hung up. I banged on the door repeatedly trying to wake him up.

"Wake up, Eli! Please be okay!" I finally gave up and sat down on the stairs.

I waited for a few minutes before an ambulance finally came. By then I was hyperventilating and I couldn't get the sight of his body out of my head. _Did this happen regularly? Was he going to be alright? How would I live without him?_

I started panicking and I'd only just realized that it was pouring outside. I was completely soaked in rain and tears; it was like the sky was crying with me. A police officer wrapped a blanket around me, he must have noticed my shivering.

I stared up at the sky, I stared up at what was _God. _ Some _God. _If he took Eli away from me I'd never be able to even consider God to be real again. He was a fake.

Everything happened in slow motion, as some big burly men broke into the house, I saw them rush Eli out in a stretcher, I remember seeing his face swollen, his lips had cuts all over them, and I remembered when they were on mine, and when they weren't busted. I remembered when his face was un-scarred, and perfect. And I remembered when his eyes were wide open and shining.

I got up, "Can I go with him?"

One of the medics nodded to me and I got in.

As I settled in I looked at Eli's face, it was just scary. His skin was ghost white, except for the numerous bruises all over. His right cheek was especially swollen. I didn't know why I did it, but I leaned in and kissed it softly. My tears were making him even wetter, his hair and clothes were already soaked, because of the rain.

I took his hand in mine, "Eli, listen to me. You're going to be fine, when you wake up everything is going to be alright, you'll heal and we can work to get you emancipated! You can be by yourself, and you won't ever be hurt by your dad ever again, and we'll be happy! Eli, all you have to do is be okay, and I'll help you through the rest. Just stay with me," I cried.

I refused to touch any part of him that wasn't his hand, which seemed to be the only part that managed to stay unharmed. When we got to the hospital he was taken to the emergency room and I stayed in the waiting area.

Eventually one of the nurses came to check up on me, "Would you mind If I asked you something about the patient?"

I nodded and she continued, "What happened to him?"

"I'm not sure," I replied, it was Eli's secret to tell. Not mine.

"He was obviously attacked, and it didn't seem like anyone broke into the house," She stated confused.

"Well I don't know. I just went by to visit him and I saw him through the window."

"Alright, you should go get something to eat, you've been here a long time and you haven't even moved."

I decided that I was through trying to diet and it wasn't going to work, and I headed to the cafeteria.

I got everything that looked good, it was probably enough food to feed a starving village but I didn't care. All that went through my mind was that I was starving and the food was so good. I hadn't eaten all day and it was early in the morning, not that either of my parents cared.

My mom was nowhere to e seen and my dad thought I was staying at Alli's. When I finally stood up it was like I gained five hundred pounds, it was absolutely _vulgar. _I power walked to the bathroom and noticed that it was eerily empty. I mean no one is really at the hospital at-I glanced at my watch-one in the morning.

I turned on the water and splashed some water on my face. I hadn't realized how terrible I looked. My hair was a mess, my clothes were muddy and still damp, and my eyes were huge and puffy. I looked barbaric.

I groaned as I walked into the bathroom stall. It's not that I didn't know I had a problem, I knew I was becoming bulimic, and I didn't care. I knew all about how it was bad for you, but starving myself was just too hard.

I stuck a finger down my throat and waited for the gag reflex to kick in. As I stared into the toilet bowl, I saw my reflection, it was different than the reflection I saw in the mirror moments earlier, it was _worse_. It didn't even look like me, there was this girl, this hideous girl with frizzy auburn hair staring back. And she looked so desperate and revolting.

I closed my eyes to stop myself from seeing her, it was just too much.

When I was done I got out of the stall and rinsed my mouth out. The taste was sickening. On my way out I felt a vibrating coming from my left pocket.

It was a call from my dad, "Hello?" I waited for his response.

"Clare, honey, you need to come home right away," He said.

I thought of Eli, "No! I really can't. My friend's in the hospital and I need to be here," I explained.

"Clare, this is extremely important though. It's about your mother."

My heart dropped, "W-what?" My breathing got faster.

"She's gone."

"I know, she's goes out a lot to stay with her friends," I said hoping it was just that simple.

"No, she's _gone _gone." He explained.

"W-what are you talking ab-about?" I stammered.

I heard him inhale deeply, "Just now, your mother came home, packed up her things, and left."

I felt a silent tear drop onto the floor as he continued, "She told me that she couldn't take our family anymore," His voice finally cracked.

"But you guys are already getting a divorce! Why couldn't she just get through that?" I asked frantically.

"I-I don't know," He sounded hesitant.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing! I have to go now, take care of yourself," He said coldly before hanging up.

I sunk to the floor and leaned against the wall, "Why? Why me? What the _fuck _did I ever do to you, _God?_" I spat out in anger.

"My mother's _gone_! My dad _hates_ me! And my boyfriend's in the fucking emergency room!" I wailed through my tears.

I didn't know what was going on, I had always followed rules, gotten good grades, _believed in God_, what did I do to deserve this?

I just so desperately _needed _for Eli to be alright, because if he wasn't, what mor_e _would I have?

Everything's finally falling apart, and to be honest, I'm not surprised in the least. Confused, maybe, but not surprised. It's all been leading up to this, it was bound to happen eventually. I mean, my perfect childhood, it was only a matter of time before it all came crashing down on me, but brooding was never the solution to any problem.

I had nothing sharp, so I simply dug my long, sharp fingernails into my wrist, I made sure to use all the strength I could muster as the blood got on my nails.

I cried and cried for hours until I couldn't cry anymore. I washed the crusty, dried blood off of my fingers and rinsed my face again.

I headed out to the waiting room and sat still for another couple hours. It was already early morning when finally a nurse came out to talk to me about Eli.

"He's doing alright, he has three broken ribs, a broken leg and a broken arm. He had fourteen stitches, and he's awake now."

"How long is the healing process?" I asked her.

"I'd say three to four months, but even then he'd still have to take it easy, you can see him now though. But, he could fall asleep at any moment," She responded.

I nodded as I followed her to room two hundred and forty-eight. I saw all the blood was gone, and his eyes were droopy, but the light in his eyes came back when he saw me.

He gave me a small smile as the nurse left. I took a seat and held his good hand, "Hey, how are you doing?"

"I'm good now that you're here," His voice not too smooth anymore.

"You have no idea how worried I was, Eli! Don't scare me like that," I warned him.

"I'm sorry, Blue Eyes," He apologized.

"Don't say you're sorry. Why did your dad do that to you though? This is a lot worse than I can even imagine!"

"Well, he was kind of pissed at me for staying out the night before and not telling him," He responded.

I was immediately flooded by guilt and I looked down, "This is all my fault, Eli. I am so sorry!" I started crying for the millionth time that day.

He tried sitting up but was unable to, "No! Clare, it's really not. If it's anyone's fault, it's my dad's, for being such an ass hole. But I want you to know, I'd do it all again knowing I'd be here, because spending time with you is so worth it."

I was overcome by emotions, "Eli, don't say that! You're in the freaking hospital because of me. I'm a horrible person!"

"If being a horrible person means you're irresistible, then you're the worst." He chuckled a little.

Of course he would joke around. I sighed, and kissed his cheek, "Eli, I love you,"

He frowned a little bit which confused me, "Are you sure, Blue Eyes? I mean, I love you, but that doesn't mean you have to say it back," He asked.

"I'm positive, those hours that I was unsure about whether you'd live or die were the worst of my life. I was so scared and it made me realize just how much I care about you."

He used his good hand and pushed my head towards his hoping I'd get a clue. Fortunately for him, I did. I leaned in and placed a soft, chaste kiss on his lips. It felt so good after all the time grieving.

I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let me. I moved my butt from the chair to his bed so I could be closer to him as the sweet, kissed turned more intense.

When we pulled away minutes later I was the first to speak, "I missed that,"

"Me too," he said breathlessly.

I then noticed how great a toll it took on him, "I'll let you get your rest. I'm going to head home and take a shower. Call if you need anything, I'll come visit you in a couple hours, okay?"

He frowned," Alright."

I gave him a small smile, "I love you," It felt so good to say, it just slipped off my tongue without much thought.

His frown turned upside down, "I love you, too. I'll be waiting for that visit," He smirked.

I slowed myself as I walked to the door, but then rushed when I exited his room. I wanted to get home as fast as possible to check up on my father. I didn't need to tell Eli about what happened with my mother just yet, he didn't need any added stress.

And, boy was I surprised when I got home.

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**Yep, another cliffie! Okay, so I just need to give a shout out to doxthextimexwarp, she's awesome! She helped me a lot with story ideas and I really appreciate it. So she also helped me realize that some of the stuff I was planning was unoriginal, because a lot of stories on this website are like it, so she helped me change my ideas around and brainstorm new ones. So thanks! Also, I need to say thank you to everyone, you're so great for reading my story! I have about seven thousand hits and that's pretty cool. And thanks to all the reviewers, favoriters, and alerters! You're all amazing. Also, did anyone notice that in the new season promo they have a scene with Declan and Holly J.? I'm like silently praying that they'll get back together. Also, tomorrow I won't be able to update because I'll be at a friends all day. I'll get home Monday night so I might be able to update then. And also, this is the longest chapter so far now! You should be happy that they're getting longer! Alright so give me all your lovely feedback, I'll really appreciate it, because I love to hear your opinions! Give me some suggestions as well.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Clare's P.O.V._

As I opened to door I saw two figures on the couch. My dad and _Lauren_, his mistress. They were swapping spit, it was more disgusting than KC and Jenna. They were all old and nasty.

I gasped, "Clare! Honey! I thought you'd be gone a lot longer!"

My surprised look was replaced by one of disgust, "Yeah, obviously! What the hell is she doing here, dad?"

"Um, Lauren is going to be living with us from now on!" He said with an excited expression poorly covering his nervous one.

"Um, no she isn't! You're a man whore! The second my mother leaves us, you find a replacement," I was seriously pissed off, "Fuck you."

I stormed off to my room. I surprised myself. That was something so un-Clare-like. It felt strangely good. I got my small knife and walked into the bathroom.

For the first time I actually took the time to admire the work. I obviously interpreted my neatness into everything I did. Each of the lines were straight and the same length, minus the cuts that came from my nails. But they weren't in order of newness. I slowly added another one, letting the pain simmer in, and making sure it overwhelmed all the other pain in my life. I needed it to hurt, so I wouldn't be hurt, even if it were for just a few moments.

I silently cried as I sliced into my wrist another time, making sure to do it extra hard for my mother. Why would she leave me like this? Right now wasn't really the greatest time.

I rinsed out the new cuts, embracing the stinging sensation. I watched as the clear water turned a light red in the sink. I don't know how long I just stood there, staring as the water eventually diluted and turned clear again. The stinging was gone, and I was just numb from the cold water.

I turned off the water and stripped my dirty clothes off before throwing them into the hamper. I turned the water up to a boiling temperature before hopping in. The water burned my skin, turning it red. For a little while it was almost like it was washing away my troubles, but then I remembered everything again. My back and shoulders were extremely sore but thankfully the hot liquid burned too much for me to realize it.

It was so hot that it was almost cold. I sat down in the bathtub and let the water pour onto my head. It was calming me, but then I thought back to when Darcy did the same thing. I didn't want to follow in her footsteps but I was already halfway there. I'd had sex trying to "cleanse my body" and I'd cut. Now all I needed was to be raped and move to Kenya before being her.

I didn't really have anything against Darcy, I mean she's my sister and I love her. I was just jealous of her for so long, when she finally broke it was just so strange. I felt horrible for Peter for a while, until he met Mia, after that I just lost all respect for him.

I sighed when I finally got out of shower and dried myself off. I hadn't lost that much weight at all. Maybe like half a pound or something. After I wasn't wet anymore, I got on the scale.

_What? I gained a pound! How is this possible?_ I looked in the mirror before getting nauseous, I reached for the toilet seat cover before puking my guts out. I didn't even try to do it. I stood there like a confused idiot for a few seconds before brushing my teeth.

I called up Alli and told her I wanted to hang out with her. I decided it was time to fill her in on everything.

We met up at The Dot and she immediately started bombarding me with questions.

"Clare! What's been going on?"

And I started telling her about everything, about Eli, about my mom, and about dad and _Lauren_. She was so shocked, she must have said "Oh my God!" at least fifty times.

I was then interrupted by a feeling from my stomach again before I ran to the bathroom and emptied all the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I rinsed my mouth before going back to my table.

"Oh my God! Clare, are you alright? What happened?" Alli asked frantically.

"I don't know, I just felt sick. Must have been something I ate."

"Same thing happened to Jenna when she found out she was _pregnant_," Alli whispered.

I laughed uneasily, "Yeah."

"Maybe you're pregnant!" Alli said.

I stared at her and she just burst out laughing, "That's funny! Clare having sex! It's like a nun in a brothel!" She choked out between laughs.

I laughed too, although it was fake, "Yeah! Good one, Alli."

She seemed to buy it, so I quickly changed the subject. _Was I pregnant? I mean I had unprotected sex and I was puking a lot. _

I rapidly said goodbye to Alli and walked to the nearest pharmacy. I bought the most expensive one, for best results and ran home.

I took note that my father wasn't home and locked the bathroom door behind me. I sat down on the toilet and followed all the directions.

My breathing sped up as I waited for the result to come up. After three minutes of agonizing pain, that seemed like an hour, an answer was finally on the small screen. There were two pink line. _Two pink lines… What's that mean? Am I pregnant or not? _

I checked the instructions. Two pink lines=pregnant.

I choked while swallowing my saliva.

"Ack!" I finally breathed deeply before the tears started falling.

I had sex one time, just _one time_ and I got pregnant. Of course with my luck I should have expected it. How would Eli react when I told him? I mean I loved him and he loved me so that means he would stay, right? He wouldn't abandon his baby would he? Of course he wouldn't, he was too nice for that. Then again, I had always thought the same about my mother.

_Should I let the baby go up for adoption? Or should I abort it?_

I couldn't kill the baby! I'd been raised to believe that abortion was murder. Decisions, decisions.

I couldn't tell Eli just yet. He was still in the hospital, he might end up hurting himself even more.

Was I going to raise it? Burp it, feed it, clothe it? I couldn't even do that for myself alone! I was just a _sophomore_ in high school. It was almost like my entire future vanished before my very eyes. I wouldn't go to collage, I'd never get a high paying job as a business woman or anything. I'd be alone at home with a baby in a ratty one bedroom apartment.

I could just imagine myself. I would have tangled, frizzy hair, no time to brush it or get it fixed. I'd have stains on my old, cheap clothes, from the baby's throw up. I would be living in a mess, because I can't leave the baby for a minute to clean up. And would the baby even have a father?

I couldn't bare to even think about it, I'd decided on giving the baby up for adoption, because I doubt Eli would want a kid. Would he leave me?

I guess it was a good time to tell my real friends from my fakes. If Eli was legitimately in love with me, he would support my decision and stand by me no matter what.

I sighed, how would I deal with something like this? Not too long ago I was Saint Clare. Alli called me a freaking _nun_!

I realized I would start gaining a lot of weight, and no amount of excessive binging and purging would fix it. I groaned at the discovery.

I felt it was time to meet up with my baby's daddy and headed back to the hospital.

-Line-

_Eli's P.O.V._

When I woke up I felt insanely parched and smacked my lips groggily. I saw all white everything and for just a split second I thought I was dead and in heaven, but then I remembered the past day. I was in the hospital, because of Clare. She saved me.

She actually saved my life. I almost laughed at it. It was like I was the damsel in distress and she was the knight in shining armor.

The nurse finally noticed that I was awake and brought in a tray of food. I savagely gulped down all the food.

Clare arrived a few minutes later. I muted the volume on the television and greeted her with a soft kiss.

"I missed you so much, Blue Eyes."

"I missed you too, Eli. How do you feel?"

"I'm alright, just sore. The pain killers are doing their work."

"That's good. Did they say how long you're going to stay here?"

"They said they would release me in about a week. Apparently my dad hurt me pretty bad. But I've decided that I'm going to get emancipated."

Her face turned serious, "Woah, Eli. You're still in the hospital, don't strain yourself. You have to put in a lot of work. It's not too easy, but with your case it will definitely work. Right now the doctors don't know who beat you up, but its only a matter of time before they start asking you," She warned.

"I understand that, but we both know I can't go on living with him. The sooner I start, the sooner I'll finish."

"Lawyers cost a lot of money you know."

"Yeah, but the juvenile court or the probate court could give me one, for free," I looked at the bright side.

"Alright," She kissed my forehead, "Just promise me you'll wait until you're out of the hospital to start planning. You'll get stressed and heal slower."

"Alright, I swear," I gave in.

I scooted over on the thin twin sized mattress and patted the spot next to me.

Clare was unsure and probably didn't want to hurt me, but she reluctantly laid down and I held her in my one good arm, and I felt at home.

I nuzzled my face into her hair and sniffed in her sweet scent, it was just so _delicious._

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_One Month Later_

_Eli's P.O.V. (Still)_

I was sitting in bed, my limbs still slightly damaged. My arm was doing fine, but I still needed crutches for my leg. My ribs weren't doing too well though. They still hurt anytime I felt pressure on them. Around me was a run-down apartment, although it was brand new for me. It had just the basics. It had a bathroom with a shower, toilet, and a sink. A small kitchen with a stove, microwave, refrigerator, and a simple table. There was a sort of living area next to the kitchen with just a little couch and coffee table. In the bedroom I had my full sized bed, a nightstand, and just a dresser.

It was so small and cluttered, but it was nice. It was nice compared to going home everyday to my dad who would beat me up. It was nice when my friends came over, because they actually could. And it was nice that I had a place to call my own, it was tiny, but it was mine.

I smiled a little bit before hopping out of bed. I was just wearing my boxers, but that was okay because no one else lived here! I grabbed an egg from the fridge and started making scrambled eggs on my little stove. Clare was coming over soon, she said she had something to tell me, it was "important" and she needed to say it in person.

I anxiously awaited her arrival as I burnt the eggs by accident. I quickly turned off the fire and poured them into a small plate and ate them up.

It wasn't too long before I heard a knocking from the door, it was Clare looking radiant as ever.

I smiled, "Come on in, beautiful."

She gave me a timid smile, "Thanks."

She already had a key but whenever I was home she would always knock first. She was an amazing girlfriend, she took care of me while I was injured, she would come by everyday and just talk to me if there was nothing else to do, it was like it was her job to keep me sane.

"So what's going on?" I asked.

"I need to tell you something," She said, her small smile fading.

"Yeah, go on," I urged.

"Well, d-do you remember that time when we um… Had sex?" She stuttered.

"Yeah," I dragged out the "a"

"Well, you know how we didn't have a condom or use any protection?" Her face broke out, the little bits of calm she mustered up before were now completely gone.

Her lip was quivering and her eyebrows were scrunched up and her crystal blue eyes were turning teary.

Then it dawned on me, "Clare, are you pregnant?" I asked cautiously.

She finally burst out in tears and nodded vigorously. I reached out and pulled her into a tight hug. It was so weird, she had a little baby inside of her, that I helped make. I was still in shock though, I didn't feel sad, worried, or anything like that. I was sort of interested in how it would turn out.

I patted her hair for a few minutes before she calmed down, "Blue Eyes, are you sure? Did you take a test?"

"Yes! I did! And it was positive!" She wailed before crying again.

"It's okay, we'll get through it, I promise," I soothed.

"Eli, you promise you won't leave me?" She looked up at me with her big blue eyes.

"God, Clare I swear on every fiber of my being I will _never, ever_ leave you. I love you too much," I kissed her forehead.

"Eli, if you leave me I promise I will kill you," She whimpered a little bit.

"You won't have to worry about that."

"Eli, what are we going to do? We're still in high school! God! I'm like Jenna!" It was old news about Jenna's pregnancy, everyone knew about it now. She'd gotten too fat.

"I don't know. We'll just take it as it comes I guess. And you could never be like Jenna, she's a slut, and you are just troubled. But what do you want to do with the baby?"

"I don't know. I was kind of hoping you would help me with that."

I thought about it for a few moments. The baby was someone who was made out of Clare and me. It was something that we created together. That's when it hit me. I wanted that baby.

"I want to keep the baby." I blurted out.

She looked shocked for a while. Her mouth was hanging open just slightly. I kissed her cheek, "Come on, Clare once you think about it, the baby's a beautiful thing. I mean, it's a piece of you and it's a piece of me, what's not to love?"

She looked so unsure, "I don't-I don't know about that. It could be too much for us to handle, our entire futures are going to go down the drain!"

I frowned, ultimately it was her choice, "I understand, Clare Bear. I just love anything that's a part of you. Do what you want, don't let me get in the way," I kissed her knuckles.

She sighed, "I don't know what I want! Let's just leave it alone for now. Please?" She pouted a little bit.

"Alright. So what do you want to do today?"

"Not tell my dad. He would just flip out."

"Alright, we won't do it yet. But you know eventually he will have to know."

She nodded unhappily, "Yeah, but he's too caught up with his stupid girlfriend to even care what happens in my life. I bet I could tell him right now and he wouldn't even hear me, he would be too busy fucking that stupid slut," I was shocked she could even talk like that.

"Hmph, some saint you are!" I joked. It's been a while since I've been funny.

She chuckled a bit and her tears weren't falling anymore. I brought up my good hand to her face and lightly brushed off the train her tears left behind. I admired her face, it was so beautiful. It was at that moment that I realized that I was so terrible for Clare. Before I entered her life she was such so much happier.

"Blue Eyes, do you find it strange that once I entered your life, everything started falling apart?"

"That's not true, Eli. I've had it coming forever. You just came to me so I could have one thing to live for."

"But before me, you had the perfect life. After I came your parents broke up, you lost your boyfriend cheated on you, _I got you pregnant. _I'm like bad luck for you!"

"None of that's your fault. I swear. My parent's certainly weren't your fault. If KC hadn't cheated on me who knows how long it would have taken for me to figure out my feelings for you? And _I_ pushed myself on _you_! Remember?"

I laughed a bit before kissing her hard on the lips. She tasted so good. I gently slipped my tongue into her mouth and wrapped my arms around her waist softly. She snaked her arms up my neck and into my hair as she pushed me onto my back.

I pulled away sharply when I felt the pain, "Ouch."

"I'm so sorry, Eli! Are you okay?" She got up and ran to my side to examine my stomach.

My broken ribs weren't healing fast enough and it was annoying. I couldn't even make out with my own girlfriend!

"It's fine, Edwards. Just leave it, kay?" I muttered.

She nodded before sitting down.

"You want to watch a movie?" She asked me.

"Sure," I nodded.

She got up and slipped a DVD into the machine I got as "Get Well Present" from my friends at Degrassi.

It was a chick flick so I spent most of the time just thinking about the baby. _Was it a boy or a girl? Would I instantly fall in love with it? Would I be able to say goodbye when she gives it up for adoption? Would I even let her put it up for adoption? _I liked the idea of having a family with her. It could be cozy.

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**OMG YOU GUYS! MUNRO CHAMBERS FINALLY GOT A TWITTER! Okay, so it's like "Munro Chambers Day" and I'm like freaking out. Okay, like he finally got back from India and made a twitter. I can so stalk him now! Also, about the story now, sorry about the late night update again! And my **_**longest**_** chapter, EVER! Thirteen pages on Microsoft Word. And, I don't think I wrote the Clare finding out about her pregnancy part well. It was rushed and I was like distracted. Did you guy think I copied too much from the show? Like did I make Eli too much like Craig was with Manny? Or did I make Clare's situation too much like Jenna's? Or did I make her too much lie her sister? If I did, it was totally unintentional.**

**So, I got some flames in the last chapter, I appreciate it as much as I appreciate the positive reviews. I guess it will help me with my writing. Also, the other day I got a review saying that I could have been a bit too harsh with all the "God" things, and I want to say that I'm really sorry if I offended anyone, and it's a part of the plot, Clare is supposed to have lost faith and I apologize if I pushed it too much. Okay, so I'm wondering if I made a little religion authors note before. Like in my other stories, if I say bad things about religion I usually apologize in the same chapter, but I don't remember if I did in this one yet or not. The story is not supposed to follow the timeline of the show, I'm doing it the time that fits my story best. I also apologize if my characters are too OC. I also find it funny that I get all my flames in chapter thirteen! Because it's an unlucky number and all… I'm not really that superstitious and it's probably just a coincidence. But thank you for all the reviews, alerts, and favorites, they were very helpful and are what make me keep going on with the story! So review, review, review!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Eli's P.O.V._

I yawned as I got up that morning. I stretched my arms out and flexed my joints. I then finally noticed the sleeping girl cuddled to my side who, thank God, was still asleep. I looked at the lovely picture, her pretty curls still perfect and round, her eyelashes were curled and long, and her chest rising and falling as she breathed.

I guess I was making too much movement because after a little while her pale eyelids fluttered open and a smile was on her face, "Good morning sunshine," I spoke.

"Morning, Eli. What time is it?"

I glanced at the TV clock, "It's around nine thirty. Woah, wait. Shouldn't your parents be wondering where you are?" I asked slightly worried.

"No, I told them I was at Alli's for a sleepover," She replied calmly.

"Alright, so what are we up to today?" We had spent the previous night cuddling in front of the TV. Well, as cuddly as you can get while you're injured all over.

A few months ago I never would have expected this. I never would have expected living on my own. I never would have expected cuddling my girlfriend, let alone _having_ a girlfriend. And I _definitely_ never would have expected having a baby on the way, especially not at sixteen.

"I don't know, but can I ask you something?" The mood turned a bit more serious.

"Yeah, of course," I answered.

"Why," She started slow, "Do you want to keep the baby?"

It sort of hit me by surprise, last night she didn't want to talk about it at all, "Well, the baby's our production, we made it. It could be something we're proud of in the future. We could raise it and be like a family. When I was a kid, I had a really dysfunctional family, so if I have a kid, it would just make me so happy to be a good dad," I smiled, "And, it means I would always be linked to you somehow no matter what happens, because having a baby with you is like a dream come true. I love you, Clare," I added, using her real name for dramatic effect.

It was all true, every part of it.

She looked down at her lap for a moment before grinning at me and placing a soft kiss on my lips. It was still as amazing as the first time we touched, like electricity. Ever so slowly, the sweet kiss turned a lot more passion-filled. My tongue lightly scraped against her soft bottom lip and her mouth opened in a gasp. I took the chance to slide my tongue into her mouth explore a bit. I made sure I memorized every inch of it as the lack of air finally got to us.

"I love you, too," She pulled away.

I wrapped my good arm around her and kissed her hair.

"Eli, let's tell my dad. He shouldn't freak out too much. I mean, he's got a slut for a girlfriend," She said out of the blue.

I rolled my eyes, "Um… Sure thing, Blue Eyes. Just let me get ready first."

I grabbed my crutches and "walked" towards my bedroom.

"I'll make breakfast!" I heard Clare yell from the living room.

I hopped into the shower, literally, and washed myself clean. After struggling to get dressed I got wobbled over to where Clare was standing with some frozen waffles.

"Saint Clare, how's heaven? Find any angels who could compare to how awesome I am?"

"No, only the raging spawns of the devil," She fired back

"So you have visited hell?"

"Yeah, it's called your room."

"Ouch!" I yelled as she burned me.

"You know, you have absolutely nothing healthy here," She complained, changing the subject.

"I know, we can eat at The Dot if you want," I suggested.

She shook her head, "No, it's okay. I already made half the waffles."

I finally noticed the smell of cinnamon waffles coming from the microwave. My mouth formed an "o" as I took a seat.

I heard a knocking at the door. Clare was busy so I got up and hopped over to find Adam.

I nodded my head as a greeting, "Hey, what's up?" I asked.

"Hey, just thought I'd stop by, see how my favorite injured friend is."

I snorted, "I'm fine. Take a seat," I motioned towards the ugly green couch.

"Actually, you mind if I have this? Thanks," He said as he stole a waffle and took a big bite out of it.

Clare groaned, "Ugh! Now I have to make more. Thanks a whole lot Adam."

I chuckled, "What's up with Ms. Moody over there?" Adam whispered to me.

"Oh nothing." I muttered.

Was it the hormones or something? All of a sudden I felt complied to tell Adam, I mean I was good at keeping secrets, but this was something I was really excited and happy about.

"I'll be right back," I excused myself from Adam and nodded Clare to my bedroom so I could talk to her privately.

"Jesus! What, Eli?" Clare demanded impatiently.

"I think we should tell him. He's my best friend, and one of yours. He's going to find out eventually. Everyone is."

"But, it's so soon. I haven't had a doctor's visit yet, I haven't even told my _parents!_ Well, parent."

"Adam won't tell anyone. He's harmless. Please, Blue Eyes?" I pleaded.

"Now?" She asked.

"Well, now's as good as any other time."

"Fine." She finally gave in and groaned.

I kissed her lips quickly, "Thanks."

We walked out and sat on the couch next to Adam. I was in between both of them.

"We have something to tell you," Clare began.

"Ye-" I cut Adam off.

"We're pregnant."

"Woah. What?" Adam yelled.

"I mean Clare's pregnant. I can't get pregnant because I'm a dude."

Adam punched me in my good arm, "You got Saint Clare pregnant!" He yelled again.

"Ow! Injured here! And yes." I said.

Adam turned to Clare, "Explain yourself. Did he rape you or something?"

"Um… No. I love Eli. It just sort of… Happened." She stated.

There was a sort of awkward silence after that. We sort of just sat still until Adam shifted a bit, "So can I be the uncle?"

Clare laughed, "We don't know if we're keeping it or not."

"But aren't Christians really against abortion. And once you see that baby you just won't be able to give it up for adoption," Adam said.

"We're not quite at that stage yet. We're just going to see what happens," I explained.

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A while later Adam left. I had told him about my views on keeping the baby, and he agreed thinking that it'd be cool to be an uncle. He assured us he wouldn't tell anybody and keep it a secret.

Clare and I had finished eating our waffles and were getting ready to go to her house.

"Are you nervous? Because I'm really nervous. What if he freaks out completely and kicks me out? What if-" I cut her off with a kiss.

"Calm down. He can't freak out because he's cheated on your mom, and he loves you, Clare. Unconditionally," I soothed.

"I know, but I already lost one parent, I don't want to lose another!"

I rubbed her back and she put on a smile, "You know what, Eli? I don't care. If he kicks me out, I'll live with Alli or something."

I got a little offended that she didn't want to live with me, "What's wrong with my place here? Besides the size and the lack of nice things."

"Eli, it's nothing personal, it's just… Don't you think we're moving sort of fast? A month and a half ago I was dating KC and you were just a friend. Now we're having a baby together! It's crazy, I just think we should take things a bit slower," She explained.

I nodded in agreement, "Alright, I think you're just upset we didn't have sex in a coffin," I said pointing out her vampire obsession.

She smacked me, "Ugh! Excuse me?"

"You're excused," I kissed her cheek before struggling to put on my shoes.

I silently thanked God that it was my left leg that was broken and I could still drive. It probably wasn't too safe, but it was alright if I did it once in a while.

We arrived in front of her house and she helped me get my crutches out of the car.

"Oh good, my dad's home and _Lauren_ isn't," She spat her name.

I grabbed her hand with and rubbed her knuckles with my thumb to calm her down, "Come on," I said.

She unlocked the door swiftly and yelled, "I'm home!"

Her dad took a few seconds to reply, "Ok!"

She motioned for me to follow her to the study, her father was doing some paperwork, "Hi daddy."

"Hello," He muttered, barely acknowledging us.

"You remember Eli, right?"

"Yes, the S.O.B. who hit me," He said in monotone.

I chuckled nervously, "I don't think we've officially met. I'm Eli Goldsworthy, nice to meet you," I said trying to fix things.

I held out my hand. He glared at it before turning back to his work. I awkwardly retreated and slipped my hand into my front jean pocket.

"We need to tell you something," Clare blurted out finally.

"What?"

"I'm… Well you see, it's a long story…" Clare babbled on for a while.

Clare's dad finally cut her off, "Get to it! I'm kind of busy, so just hurry this up," He said rudely.

If I didn't have crutches I would have punched him, "Look, what Clare's trying to say, is that…" I trailed off. I wanted to tell him so that Clare wouldn't have to, but it wasn't coming out.

"I'm pregnant." Clare whispered.

For a long time no one moved. Mr. Edwards finally slammed his pen on the table, turned around, and stood up. He was a lot taller than me so it was quite intimidating.

"You're _what?"_

"I'm pregnant," Clare whimpered, her eyes started to tear up and I wanted to wipe them away.

He took deep breaths and tried to calm himself down. He finally took his seat again and went back to working. We stood there for almost five minutes before he spoke, "Abort it."

He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He said it like there was nothing wrong with it. I felt my blood start to boil. How could he want to kill _my _baby? One of the _only _things I cared about besides Clare.

"No," I said simply.

He dropped his pen again and turned around, this time not standing up, "Don't test me, boy. You have no money, there's no _fucking_ way you're going to raise a baby with _my _daughter. She isn't going to marry some nobody like you. She deserves better. And you sure are lucky I can't beat up a cripple."

The words stung, because deep down, I knew they were the truth.

"I agree, she deserves better and I don't know why she picked me out of all the other boys out there. But I will love her _and _my baby as much as possible, and no matter what happens, I will always be there for them."

He started to laugh, "You think _you_ can raise a kid? Yeah right," He then turned to Clare, "Listen up, you live in _my _house, under _my _rules, so you will abort the fucking baby!" He screamed.

"Then I don't live here anymore. In an hour, my things will be packed up and I'll be gone. Out of your hair," Clare shocked me.

"_Excuse me?_" Her equally surprised father said.

"Come on, Eli!" She started walking out of the room.

I scrambled towards her, going as fast as I could with my crutches. When we got to her room she had a couple suitcases out and was stuffing things into them at a lightning speed.

"Woah! Who are you and what have you done with Saint Clare?" I asked.

"When my dad was talking to me, being nasty, something just hit me. I realized I hated him. I'm so much better anywhere else. I'll just stay at Alli's until I find somewhere else to go."

I nodded before sitting down on the bed. I didn't bother trying to help her because I knew I'd just slow her down, being injured and all.

"I love you, you know? It really means a lot that you're willing to stay with the baby and me," Clare said.

"I love you so much, I could never leave you."

She stopped for a second before turning around and smiling at me. I had a nice view of her butt, and it was sort of turning me on, before I mentally kicked myself for being horny at the wrong times.

After finishing packing I carried the smallest luggage and decided we were making two trips. Her dad didn't even try to stop us, and on the way out I saw him ignoring us completely and working on his paperwork. I couldn't believe he would do that, just let his daughter go. I'd never be able to do such a thing.

After stuffing all her stuff into my trunk I got to the front seat only to find a very happy girlfriend, "Why are you so happy? Did you just find out you were pregnant with vampires or something?" I joked.

"No, I just feel so free. It's like nothing's tying me down! I feel like everything can only get better from here," She said optimistically.

I smiled and kissed her on the lips hard. She immediately kissed back after adjusting to the position and forced her small tongue into my mouth.

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**Hey everybody! Almost eleven thousand hits! Sorry for the shortness of this chapter, and that I haven't updated in two days, since for some reason I update so frequently for this story, like it was almost once a day for a while. In the last chapter, someone wanted his twitter, so just go to twitter(dot)com/the_munro. Or you could go to anyone on Degrassi's twitter and find him there. The reason I didn't update recently, was because for the last chapter, I felt like I didn't get too many reviews, like the ones before that, I was doing great and all of a sudden it just dropped. I got a lot of hits, just not a lot of reviews. If the story is getting bad, please let me know, because I wouldn't like that. Sorry if I seem kind of greedy. But, thank you to every single person who has liked my story, hated my story, not cared about my story, and just clicked on my story by accident. You guys are amazing. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed, favorited, or alerted. **

**Also, a lot of people are freaking out about how depressed this story is, first of all I want to remind you this **_**is**_ **an romance/angst story. And, everything will turn around eventually. There is a happy ending. And I know a lot of stories have the pregnancy thing, and I swear to God, this will be different. I have an idea that no one has used yet, or at least I didn't see yet. So please don't give up in my story, I would really appreciate it if you kept reading until things got better. Should I change the genre to tragedy, or should I keep it angst? I originally planned on having Clare's dad kick her out, but decided it was too much depression and had her move out on her own instead. But I think it's really out of character, like Clare's whole character is completely changed. Also, if someone could PLEASE help me write Eli's character better, it'd help so much. I know his character's really OC. Again, thank you, doxthextimexwarp, because she is great! I don't know why she responds to me, she's really helpful and gave me an idea, she also gave me two of the lines in there. I want to say that I support abortion, like I'm not saying it's a good thing, I'm just saying it should definitely be an option, because in some cases the baby just won't be born into a good world. I wanted to tell you guys because in my writing, it seems like I'm totally against it. And please keep reviewing, the reviews really make my day!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Clare's P.O.V._

After pulling away from Eli he started the car, "Eli, I was just wondering. How do you pay your bills?"

"Well, I didn't have too much in savings, so the court made sure my dad's paying for me until I'm healthy enough to get a job," He answered.

"Oh, that's good for you then." I said stunned a bit.

"Yeah, they said I'll be fine in a couple weeks."

I nodded, "Hey, I'm going to call Alli, so be quiet."

I dialed the familiar number and waited for it to ring, "Alli, I need a favor."

"Clare? Is that you?"

"Yes, but I really need you to do something huge for me!"

"What?"

"Well, I need to stay at your house for a while."

"Of course. But if you don't mind me asking, how long is a while?"

"I don't know, maybe a few weeks. Could be a few months..." I trailed off whispering the last part.

"What! _Months?_ I don't know about that, but we'll talk to my parents," She said unsure.

"Alright, I have to go, bye," My finger about to press the end button.

"Wait!" She yelled.

I sighed, "What?"

"Why do you need to stay over for that long?"

"I can't live with my dad anymore," I hung up the phone before she could answer.

"Harsh," I heard Eli say from the seat next to me.

"Shut up."

"Make me," He smirked.

I leaned in to kiss him. As he deepened the kiss I pulled back, "Hey! We're in a moving car!"

He quickly parked the hearse and leaned in to bring me closer, "Eli, again, we're in a hearse," I reasoned.

"Yeah, that makes it a lot better than a different car, there is _tons _of room in the back," His smirk grew bigger as he nodded his head towards the back of the car.

"You're so foul!" I shrieked, "I'm already pregnant with your baby, what more could you want? Just drive me to Alli's house."

He groaned, "Fine."

When we reached the place Alli was waiting for us in her living room, so before we could even knock she swung the door open, "Eli, goodbye," She pulled me in and slammed the door in Eli's face.

"Spill!" She squealed.

I sighed as I realized I would have to tell her about the pregnancy.

"You need to promise me that you _will not_ freak out." I explained.

She nodded, "Uh huh!"

"You can't tell _anyone_! Not even Drew."

"Yes!"

"And you need to-" She cut me off.

"Clare, if you're going to tell me, tell me. Don't keep stalling!" She yelled.

"Alright," I took a deep breath, "I'm pregnant."

I closed my eyes and waited for a response, a response I didn't receive. I cracked open my left eye and saw Alli with a blank expression. She made no movements and the only way I could tell she was alive was that her chest was lightly rising and falling.

"Alli, did you hear me?" I asked uneasily.

She finally blinked before falling back.

"Ah!" I lightly yelled out of shock. I her heartbeat dropped and I could tells he was unconscious.

"Shit!" I cursed. She'd fainted.

I stood up and placed her legs on the sofa so she was lying down. I prayed that her parents didn't come home early. I decided I'd just wait for her to wake up and grabbed the book at the top of one of my luggage's. It was Juliet, Naked.

I'd read the book several times since I bought it that afternoon with Eli. I still remembered the day vividly, how innocent I was back then. It almost surprised me that I was the same person.

After reading half the book Alli began to stir. She woke up with a groan and held her head.

"Where am I?" She mumbled groggily.

"Your living room, let me get you a glass of water," I said as I got up and walked to the kitchen.

When I got back she muttered, "Man, I had the weirdest dream."

"Oh yeah? What happened in it?" I asked curiously.

She started laughing nervously, "Well, you were here, dressed in that outfit," She began, "And you told me you were pregnant," She started laughing full on.

When she noticed I wasn't laughing with her, she spoke again, "It wasn't a dream was it?"

I shook my head shamefully as her eyes got to the size of plates, "Oh my God, Clare! What the hell are you going to do?" She screamed.

"I-I don't know yet," I answered.

"Well, how far along are you?" She asked frantically.

"I don't know, like two months?"

"Oh God! You used to be a freaking angel and now you're sixteen and _pregnant_!"

"Gee, thanks, I didn't know that already," I said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry, but I always thought that if it were between us, I'd be the one with a teenage pregnancy!" She spat out.

"Calm down Alli, figures you'd be the one freaking out over _my _pregnancy, instead of me" I joked trying to lighten up the mood.

"This is no joking matter Clare, how are you going to handle this? You're still a sophomore! I mean, with Jenna, it wasn't that bad because, well, let's face it, she's a slut. But you! You, Clare, are a _Saint_, who would have predicted this? No one! That's who!"

Alli blabbed on and on for twenty minutes until finally she looked into my eyes, took my hands and said, "You listen to me Clare, you are going to stay here as long as you need, because I will be there for my best friend no matter what," She finally stopped.

I smiled, "Thanks, that really means a lot to me, Alli," I said genuinely.

"So, Eli's involved, right? I mean he _was _dropping you off," She grinned.

"Yes, he wants to keep it, but I'm not sure about it. It will probably ruin both our futures, and he's living on his own already, too much responsibility _can't _be good for us," I stated.

She nodded and there was a silence for a while. She finally broke it, "Well, whatever you do, I'm sure we'll _both _be there for you."

I smiled, "Now! Onto a lighter topic, how are you and Drew doing?" I tried changing the subject

As soon as the words came out of my mouth Alli's face lit up, she started talking bubbly about her relationship and how perfect he was. I'm sorry to say I tuned it out a bit because I was busy thinking about the baby.

_Would I be a housewife, just staying at home taking care of the kids without a collage degree? Would I never be able to be the independent, successful woman I'd dreamt of being for my whole life? And most importantly, would I have someone to help support me?_

The thoughts pounded through my head as the day went on. I also couldn't help but think about what my mother could be doing right now. I didn't know where she was staying, or how she was living. I was so curious, I mean, why would she leave me?

* * *

Alli was on the phone with Drew leaving me and my laptop in her room. I'd written for a while before finally deciding to check my email. There was one from Darcy, she was still in Kenya, but she would start at University in the fall.

_Clare,_

_It's been a while since I've heard from you! I've been talking to dad and he told me about everything! I've decided that I'm going to cut my trip short and stay at home until University starts. You better call me! We _need_ to talk. I feel like it shouldn't be said over email._

_Love always,_

_Darcy_

I sighed and pulled out my cell phone. We had an international plan so I could call her whenever I wanted.

After the third ring I heard her frantic voice, "Hello? Clare!"

"Hey, Darcy," I said nervously, I was biting my bottom lip, an old habit.

"Oh my God! It's been so long! You have some serious explaining to do!"

"I know, I know. Just wondering… How much did dad tell you?"

"Oh not too much… Just that mom moved out, your new boyfriend who drives a hearse, you moving out, and your _pregnancy!"_ She shrieked.

I winced, "Oh… Th-that much, huh," I stuttered.

"Clare, what happened to you?" She said.

"I don't know. After mom and dad broke up, I just got so depressed and Eli, Eli was there to pick up all the broken pieces, and I know it sounds really cheesy, but he saved me, Darce, he really did. We just got really carried away, but I do love him. And he loves me too, a lot," I explained, whining a little.

She let out a big sigh," Alright, when I get back I'll meet him, but I won't promise that I'll like him. So what are you going to do with the baby?"

It was my turn to sigh, "I honestly don't know. Eli's supportive of whatever I want, but I know he wants to keep it. But look, I really don't want to talk about this, can we discuss something else?"

"Clare, honey, it's either this or mom, and we _both_ would be suffering," She explained.

"Good point," I gave in, annoyed.

"Clare, I know you wouldn't abort it, so what the hell are you going to do?" She asked.

"Again, I don't know yet. I'm only about two months along, so I have time to think about it," I stated.

"Alright, but don't take too long. Maybe adoption's the best thing?"

I considered it for a moment, "It's a good idea, but Eli, he might not want to admit it, but he really wants to keep it."

"Yeah, but Eli might not always be there, you will. Are you really willing to throw away everything because some guy wants a family right now? He could easily just walk out on you, because he's not the one carrying the baby."

"I know, and that's why I'm so hesitant. I love Eli, and he loves me, but nothing this good can last forever," I ended sadly.

"Alright, I should get going. I'm going to start packing, my plane leaves tomorrow," She said.

"Okay, bye Darce, thanks for the advice. Bye," I hung up and tossed the phone onto the bed.

My mind went back to my mother again. How could she just abandon her own daughter like that? I knew she hated my dad, but _me _and Darcy! What about us?

Alli had just walked into the room, "Hey Alli! How would you like to help me find my mother?" I blurt out. It even surprised me.

Alli knew that she had left us. It's been a month since I last saw her, and when I did, she was hung over.

"Um, okay. What brought all this up?" She asked confused.

"I don't know. I just talked to Darcy, and it just brought all these feelings to me. I miss her. I miss having a mother," I explained.

"Alright, I'll just tell my parents. Do you want to call Eli?" She asked.

I nodded and she walked out of the room.

He picked up at the first ring, "Hey, Blue Eyes, missed me?" He said cockily.

"Come pick us up, we're going to look for my mom," I said quickly.

"Uh sure. Be there in ten," I could tell he was also befuddled.

"Alright, I just got off the phone with Darcy and I just realized how much I miss her. I know I saw her a month ago, but I haven't seen the real her in so long. Ever since they started fighting, it's like I couldn't have a normal conversation with her for too long."

He accepted my answer, "I understand, love you. Bye."

"I love you too," I said genuinely before he hung up.

I wrote more of my story before I got a text telling me to come outside from Eli. I grabbed my coat and Alli and we headed to the car.

I told Eli the address of one of my mom's friends' house. Her name was Marianna Morris and she was the closest to my mother. I was going to visit all of her friends until I found out some information, I mean they had to know something, right?

Alli was sitting in the back of the hearse because there was no space in the front.

"Ugh, Eli, were there ever dead bodies back here?" Alli complained.

"Well, it was a_ used_ car," He joked.

I heard Alli shriek from where she was and she scrambled around. Eli started laughing, "Not funny!" Alli yelled to us.

"Really? Because from where I'm sitting, it is," Eli chuckled.

I slapped his arm and he faked hurt, "Ow! Abusive girlfriend much?"

"Just drive," I growled.

"You guys are gross," Alli said from behind us.

"You shouldn't be talking, I puke every time I see you and Drew sucking face," I fired back.

"Someone's moody!" Eli said in a sing-song voice.

"Stop ganging up on me!" I whined.

They laughed and silence overtook the funeral car.

We stopped in front of an extravagant house, it was a giant brick house with at least four stories, not including the basement. It was basically a small mansion. I rang the iron doorbell and waited.

"Geez, was your mom friends with the Queen of England or something?" I heard Eli mumble.

I ignored him and soon a butler came to the door, "Hello? Who are you?" I guess not all butlers had an English accent.

"Hi, I'm Clare Edwards, I'm looking for Marianna Morris. I'm the daughter of one of her closest friends," I explained to him.

"Who is this _friend?_ I will see if Mrs. Morris is interested."

"Her name is Helen Edwards."

"You can have a seat in the waiting area," He allowed us inside and led us to a large open space with modern white furniture.

Eli and I sat on the loveseat and Alli took a seat in the squishy chair.

"Damn! That lady is _loaded!_" Alli squealed.

"Yeah, she went to the same collage as my mom. She married a rich business man," I explained to her.

"Well that was _obvious_!" She pointed out.

After a few minutes a familiar, middle aged, blonde lady walked into the room. We all stood up to greet her.

"Hello, Clare. How are you?"

"Hey, I'm good, and you?"

After a couple minutes of small talk I finally stopped beating around the bush, "Listen, I came here about my mother, she left and I was wondering if you knew anything about it."

She looked up and pondered for a moment, "Well, I heard about that, but I can't say I've heard from her," She looked so unsure.

I heard a cell phone go off and when Mrs. Morris checked the phone she looked really nervous. I had a hunch it was my mother

"Alright, then I guess we'll have to look elsewhere," I got up to leave and purposely left my coat on the loveseat.

"Bye now. If you hear from her, tell me!" She waved at me.

When we got away from her I told Eli and Alli to wait in the car. I tip-toed to the room she was talking in.

"Your daughter was in my house moments ago! You could have blown it!"

I let out a gasp, before I could hide it was too late. She saw me, "I've got to go," She said into the phone before hanging up.

"I left my jacket here," I pointed to the blue jacket lying on her couch before grabbing it and taking a step towards her.

"How much did you hear?" She asked cautiously.

"Enough," I said before running and grabbing the phone out of her hand.

I ran from her as she yelled profanities at me. I ignored them and slipped into Eli's car.

"Drive away now!" I screamed.

"Woah, what's going on?" He asked.

I saw Mrs. Morris running towards the car, "Just drive, I'll explain in a second," I said hurriedly.

He stepped on the gas pedal and when we were finally away I spoke, "My mom was in contact with her, so I took her phone."

"Woah, Saint Clare, who knew you had it in you," He congratulated.

I looked at her "Recent Calls" and saw my mother's name, "Helen Edwards" I felt a pang of pain in my chest.

"Should I call her?" I asked nervously.

"You definitely should," I heard Alli from the back.

"Alright, here goes nothing," I pressed the "Send" button as it dialed her number.

"Marianna?" I heard her voice.

"Hi, mom," I choked out.

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**Hey, last chapter a bunch of people asked me why she didn't just stay with Eli, it's because I need her to not be with him for a while, because it's a part of the plot. And also, oh my goodness! I almost have one hundred reviews! There's currently ninety-nine. And, I have twelve thousand hits! You guys are amazing!** **I'd also like to thank the. odd. one669 (Take out the spaces in the name, it didn't let me save the name without them, I don't know why), they gave me a great idea for my story! What'd you think of this chapter? I know I didn't have a lot of Eclare in this chapter. How do you think her mom should respond? I already know what I'm going to write, but tell me your ideas. I changed this story genre from angst to tragedy by the way. I tried making Eli's character more Eli-esque in this chapter, how did I do? I want you guys to know, I'm so surprised at how much I'm writing this story, I honestly thought I would quit after a while. Anyways, I love you all! Thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and alerts! Please review!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Clare's P.O.V._

I waited patiently for a response, but to my dismay, I got none. After five seconds I heard the line go dead. My heart sank and my smile quickly faded.

"What's wrong?" Alli asked.

"She hung up," I whispered.

I felt my eyes water and wondered how I could have been so stupid. _I should have known she wouldn't answer, she did leave me._

"I'm so sorry, Clare!" Alli squealed.

"It's fine, let's just go home," I said to Eli.

"Alright," He took my hand in his and squeezed it.

I didn't respond and just leaned back into my seat disappointed.

"We'll find her, and we'll demand some answers," Alli said firmly.

I ignored both of them until we got back to Alli's house. Eli sped off and I announced to Alli that I would take a shower. I grabbed one of my luggage's and stepped into the bathroom.

I breathed unsteadily as all the tears I'd been holding in since I left my fathers house finally fell out. They dropped to the taupe tiles and made two pools of salty water.

I rummaged through my bag and grabbed the sharpest pair of scissors I could find. I brought them to my wrist, punctured the skin, and slid it all the way down. I felt relief flood my body as my breathing evened out. It felt so amazing, it numbed and cancelled out the pain coming from my emotions.

I licked the wound and let the metallic taste of the blood soak into my tongue. There was a mixture of blood and tears in my mouth and they blended together in the perfect concoction of sorrow.

"Clare! Are you okay in there? You've been in there for fifteen minutes and the water didn't go on yet!" Alli shouted from the other side.

I fixed my face and yelled back, "I'm fine!"

She walked away and I knew, that I was very far from "fine" and it was a huge fib. I'd changed so much, my life was falling apart and I couldn't do anything to fix it. I'm bulimic. I cut. And I lie to everyone. Saint Clare was _so_ gone. She silently exited the building a while ago, leaving the devil to take over.

_Eli's P.O.V._

I was worried out of my mind. Clare was just so upset and I didn't know how to deal with her. I didn't know how to deal with_ people,_ period. Then again, there never were people in my life that I could practice on.

I contemplated driving over to Alli's and helping Clare through everything, but decided against it. She probably wanted to be alone, I could tell because of the way she ignored us in the car last night.

I waited anxiously for a text from Clare all last night, and this morning. Until finally, at two in the afternoon, I received a call, not from Adam, might I add.

"Hello?" I heard the angel's voice from the other line.

I played it cool, "Hey, Blue Eyes."

"Hey, could you come over? I need a ride to my old house. Darcy's home."

Darcy was her sister, right? "Yeah, sure. I'm beginning to think you only keep me around for my car," I joked.

I got a small chuckle out of her, "Yeah, you're like my chauffeur."

"Alright, I'll be there in a little while," I said before hanging up.

I got dressed and wobbled to Morty. When I pulled up at the house Clare was already waiting outside.

When she opened the door she spoke, "Alli's on a date with Drew."

"So you're forced to hang out with me," I finished for her.

She giggled, "Exactly."

"Is your dad home?" I asked.

"No, he's out at the supermarket, so we have like a half hour. I can't wait for you to meet my sister!" She exclaimed.

"If she's half as pretty as you are, we'll get along just fine," I joked.

"Oh don't worry, she's twice as pretty as I am."

I burst out laughing, "That's not possible," I got a blush out of her.

"She said she had something to show me, she wouldn't tell me what it was and said I had to see it," She rolled her beautiful blue orbs.

We stopped a block away from her big house, incase her dad came home, and I waited patiently as she unlocked the door. As soon as the door opened a tall brunette attacked my girlfriend and squealed, "Clare!"

Clare returned the embrace and I stood there awkwardly for two minutes.

When they finally pulled away I saw her sister look me up and down before her giant grin faltered a bit.

Clare then finally introduced us, "Darcy, this is Eli, my boyfriend. And Eli, this is Darcy, my sister!"

I kept a straight face, "Hi, nice to meet you."

She slapped on a fake smile, "Hi Eli! I've heard great things about you, from Clare!" She sure was upbeat.

Clare ushered us inside and after catching up she said, "So Darce, what'd you want to show me?"

"Um, it's upstairs. Eli, could you maybe wait down here?" Darcy said.

I nodded and leaned back into the squishy couch. I heard slight movements from upstairs and the wait was so agonizing. It was so quiet down here for a little while, I could only hear faint sounds coming from upstairs, just little shuffles. I could also hear the constant, steady tick tock coming from the classic circular clock hung up on the wall next to me.

Finally I heard footsteps coming downstairs. Clare had a very serious, hard look on her face, and Darcy was trailing behind. They were both obviously upset and I didn't dare break the silence. Clare had a piece of paper in her hand, it had writing on it and was obviously a note. A note that caused a lot of grief. She looked so shaken up.

Then, something finally ended the quiet. We heard a car door slam, "Oh shit!" Clare whispered.

"Quick, you can go out the back door!" Darcy instructed.

I went as fast as possible with my crutches and followed Clare out of the door and into the neat backyard. The lawn was a healthy bright green and perfectly manicured. When we got into the car she didn't say a word. Her face stayed in the same position as I stared at her.

"What?" She finally turned to me, annoyed.

"What's wrong? What's that letter?" I asked.

She stayed quiet and handed me the letter.

_Dear Randall,_

_I'm sorry I left on such short notice. I just couldn't handle the pressure anymore, the pressure of getting a divorce, the pressure of having to live with you through it, it's just too much, but mostly the pressure of trying to keep everything together for Clare. I know I wasn't doing a good job anyways, but I couldn't have her seeing me like that, it was just too horrible._

_The reason I left was because I knew that if we divorced, I would get custody over Clare, I just can't handle another kid, I'm at my breaking point. I know you wouldn't want her, because you might want to start a family with Lauren, so I'm not giving you a choice. She's better off with you than with me. I love and care about Clare very much, but she wouldn't be good with me. I want her to be able to grow up and not have a dysfunctional mother._

_Tell Darcy I love her too, I'm going to miss both my children a lot. And do not under any circumstances hurt Clare by telling her I couldn't take care of her, I would love to, if I could, but I fear my mind might slowly be driven insane if I stay around you people. Every once in a while, remind them how much I care about them, and that's why I'm leaving, for their own goods. It pains me to say this, and I really wish I could stay and watch Clare grow up, but it's already too late, she's seen me at my worst, and I fear my worst is only going to get worse._

_You have my will, and I leave everything to the girls, half and half._

_Sincerely,_

_Helen Edwards_

There were tear stains on the page and I knew there was so much more to be said. When I turned to Clare here face was still hard.

"She left because she didn't want me," She whispered before her gorgeous blue eyes turned icy.

I felt the cold vibe come off of her as I took her hand in mine, much like the day before.

"Listen to me, she loved you, and she did this because she thought it was best," I tried to explain.

"Well she was wrong. The best thing would have been to stay with me, I don't care how bad she would have gotten, I loved her unconditionally," The sobs finally broke out and the tears started falling from her eyes.

I felt sad that she'd been crying so much lately. Sometimes she would come to me and her eyes would be puffy from crying herself to sleep.

"Shh, it's going to be okay," I rubbed her back and kissed away the tears.

She sniffled, "I-it's not! I'm going to find m-my mom just so I can give her a piece of my mind!" She stuttered firmly.

I kissed her forehead unsure of what to do. I wanted so badly to be able to take away her pain.

"Eli, I'm serious," She muttered into my coat.

"Well how do you suppose we find her?" I asked.

"I'm not sure yet, we could get a private investigator for help?" She suggested.

I shook my head, "We don't have that kind of money,"

"How about we ask the police to trace the call? I still have Marianna's cell phone."

"We don't have a reason."

"I have a lost mother," She said bluntly.

"Well, we can go later, okay?"

"Alright, can you drop me off at Alli's?" She asked.

"Sure," I started the engine.

_Clare's P.O.V._

After Eli left, I grabbed a hoodie and my sneakers. I planned to jog to Marianna's house and get my information. I couldn't believe my mother didn't want me. It was so upsetting. All my life I had assumed that my mother loved me dearly, but sadly, I was hopelessly mistaken.

When I got there I had stopped to catch my breath, it was a pretty long run.

I knocked on the door and the butler answered the door again. I opened my mouth to speak but before the words came out he slammed the door in my face.

I knocked again and waited patiently for the butler to open the door again. When he did ever so slightly, I stuck my foot in between the door and the wall.

"Excuse me, Miss. Please remove your foot."

"Um, no," I pushed the door open and ran past him.

"Marianna! Marianna!" I yelled.

"Where are you?" I ran up the stairs.

"Miss! You need to leave!" The butler yelled.

I ignored him and passed the pretty regal halls. I finally saw a pretty ornate door which I assumed to be the master bedroom and pushed the door open.

Marianna gasped, "How did you find me?"

"I'm not stupid. Just tell me how to find my mother!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I made a promise to an old friend that I _intend_ to keep."

"I don't care. She's my mom. Just tell me, please!"

"I _can't_. There's nothing you can do to make me tell you."

"Why not? Is your friendship really so important that you keep a mother from her child?"

"Yes, but that isn't the only reason. Please leave my residence before I call the police!"

"I'm not going anywhere until I find out where my mom is. And you're going to help me!"

She ignored me and picked up the phone, "Hello? I have an intruder in my house. Please remove her,"

I sighed and grabbed the phone from her, "Oops, false alarm," and pressed the end button.

"I'm not getting any information from you, so I guess I'll be going."

I left without another word and grabbed my cell phone.

"Hello, nine-one-one, what's your emergency?"

"Hi, I'd like to file a missing persons report."

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A week after the phone call, I received another one from an unknown number, "Hello?" I answered.

"Hi, is this Clare Edwards?"

"Um, yes, who's asking?"

"This is the police, we were asked to search for your mother."

"Yeah, what did you find?" I asked anxiously.

"Well, last night one of our investigators stumbled across a news paper article, it's a few days old,"

"Uh huh…" I urged on, unsure of what I'd find.

"There was a car accident on De Grassi Street. A Toyota's breaks weren't working, and he hit a pedestrian. Neither one made it."

"I'm sorry, but what does this have to do with my mother?" I asked impatiently.

I was in a hurry to find my mother, I needed her to know what kind of pain she caused me. It was unbearable and I missed her so much. I hadn't had anybody tell me what to do in a week. And although many kids would enjoy it a lot, I didn't. I missed them telling me what tie dinner was served. I missed them telling me to clean the house. And most of all, I missed feeling loved by them, but that's been gone since the fighting started.

Alli's parents would occasionally ask me to do a few light chores, but mostly pushed it on Alli and Sav, because I was a guest. I knew I couldn't stay there forever and eventually I'd have to take up Eli's offer and live with him. I loved Eli, don't get me wrong, but living with him could cause some serious issues. It'd been two months since we started dating and if I was sane, he'd probably still be at first base.

I was broken away from my thoughts when the lady spoke again, "Your mother was the pedestrian that was hit."

My phone hit the floor, "Hello? Ms. Edwards? Are you there?" Came from below, the lady finally gave up and hung up.

I also felt my heart drop with the phone. I stood there frozen for the longest time, in shock. After a good ten minutes of agony, I sank to the ground in tears My mother was _dead. _How could she be dead? Just a few weeks ago she was right there next to me, driving me to school.

I'd always pitied people who'd lost their parents, and told myself how glad I was that I had both of mine, I had never imagined that one day I'd be one of them. After all those years, of her raising me, and being my mother, she was gone, and all I had left to remember her by was the memories. I spent a long time trying to forget the bad memories that filled the last of her days.

It hadn't hit me until that very moment, that I'd never be able to see my mother again, I wouldn't be able to make new memories with her, and soon, she would be just a memory. It just wasn't fair! Everything bad was happening to me! How was it possible for one person to be so unfortunate? First KC, then my dad and Lauren, then the baby, and now my mom! What had I deserve this? I was so good; I had so much faith in God! _Had_ being the operative word.

I didn't feel like there was any good left in the world. I wanted it to end, I wanted the pain to go away, it was just too much. _Is this what my mother felt like when she left us? Was she really this unhappy with her life that she had to run away from her family_?

I tried pulling myself together, but was unable to, so I grabbed a pair of scissors and headed to the bathroom, _again_.

I didn't want to die, I just wanted to pass out, to be able to shut off the pain for a while. I wouldn't want to hurt my baby, I just wanted to hurt myself. It was too much for me to handle at one time. I wanted to see the little ray of sunshine peeking through the window of my life, but I never did.

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**I got my one hundredth review! I was like so happy! Thank you guys so much! I didn't really like this chapter, I had a really hard time figuring out what to write. Tell me if you thought it was bad, too. I want to let you all know that from the beginning I had known what I was going to write, I had planned it all out, but I got a little help from like one person. If I see a good idea, I will use it though. This chapter was also really depressing, I didn't like it at all. I'll try to make the next chapter better! Also, this is the first time I've updated during the daytime, before this, the earliest I've ever updated was like twelve thirty. My mom decided I have to sleep earlier so she took away my computer last night, which is why I didn't update until now. Please review! Don't flame too much, because I know how bad this chapter was, you're probably all very disappointed about her mother.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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_Eli's P.O.V._

I tapped my foot impatiently as I waited for a call. Clare had promised me the night before that she would be able to move in with me, since she'd been at Alli's house for so long. She hadn't called all day and I was beginning to get worried.

I picked up my cell phone, I hadn't gotten a phone for the apartment yet, and pressed speed-dial one.

It rang a few times before it went to voicemail. Clare almost always had her phone on her. Either she was ignoring me, or something was wrong, and I'm pretty sure it was the latter. I mean, nothing bad was happening to our relationship at the moment, besides her family drama, but I would be there for her no matter what happened.

I called twice more before picking up my keys and driving to Alli's house. I knocked on the door impatiently before Sav swung it open. Ever since the Death Hand concert, we'd been tight, but nowhere near as tight as Adam and me.

"Hey, Eli. What's up?"

"Hey, just wondering, is Clare here?" I asked.

"Um, probably. Alli left on a date with Drew about a half hour ago."

"Thanks."

I rushed upstairs and said, "Clare-Bear!" before bursting into the room

She wasn't in the room, and I noticed that the bathroom light was on and the door was shut.

"Clare!" I called over and over again, I never got a response.

I banged on the door, but to no avail.

"Sav!" I called.

"What's wrong?"

"Clare's in the bathroom, and she's not responding. The door's locked, do you have some kind of key or something?" I asked frantically.

"Yeah!" He shouted.

He began rummaging through some drawers before finally tossing me a single key. I rapidly unlocked the door and took a few small steps inside. What I saw completely killed me, it was so scary. From the tip of my shoes, there was a small puddle of blood, dripping from my girlfriend's wrist.

"What the fuck!" I yelled in shock.

I'd never seen anything so horrifying before. I stood there frozen until I heard loud, rushed footsteps coming from behind me.

"Woah!" Sav screamed.

"Call. The. Police." I muttered through my teeth before kneeling down to her.

Just a day ago, she was so healthy and able. Then it struck me, our baby! Would our baby be okay? At that moment my heart fell down to the ground and I stopped breathing.

I knelt down next to her and cradled her beautiful head in my arms.

"Stay with me, please" I whispered, the first kind words I'd said all day.

"They're on their way here!" Sav yelled in a hurry.

I didn't even bother to respond as I placed a kiss on her forehead. She needed to stay with me, not just for our beautiful baby. I needed her to stay, because if she didn't, I'd have nothing to live for anymore.

When had she even started this? Was it me who caused it? It must have been all the stress of her parents, right?

_Three Days Later_

_Normal P.O.V._

The anxious boy clad in black and studs was pacing around his tiny apartment. It'd been three painfully long days since his girlfriend had almost killed herself and he was waiting for a call from the hospital. They'd spent ages doing surgery on the small girl, and when she was out of the emergency room, she rested for two days.

It's ironic, how right after Eli got out of the hospital, Clare took her turn for the stay. He hadn't heard anything about her since the first day.

Finally the ring of his crappy, scratched up phone broke the silence, "Hello?" Eli said.

"Hi, we're calling about your girlfriend Clare?"

"Yes? Tell me the news," He urged the nurse on.

"Well, the cut wasn't too deep, she just lost a lot of blood and became unconscious, but that wasn't the only thing that caused her to pass out," The nurse paused for a moment, "She's been lacking a lot of nutrients lately, and have diagnosed her with bulimia nervosa. She's been excessively binging and purging recently," The nurse concluded.

Eli fell very silent, and very still, trying to comprehend what the nurse had just told him. Never in his right mind would he have thought of Clare to be the bulimic, suicidal type. At first glance, she was a sweet little Christian girl, a little misunderstood maybe, but he'd never thought of her to be like this.

"Oh. When can she come home?" The boy said more flabbergasted than he'd ever been before.

"Maybe by tomorrow. I hope you'll make sure she doesn't do any of this again."

"Can I visit her yet?" Eli asked.

"Yes, but I can't promise she'll be awake for you."

"Okay. Bye." He hung up before grabbing his jacket.

Thoughts sped through his mind like bullets. He wondered how someone so sweet could have done something so insane. The shock finally began wearing out as Eli started feeling regret above all other emotions. He didn't know how he hadn't noticed. He felt so stupid for not helping her and seeing the cuts, or smelling the puke on her breath.

As the anger rushed through his veins he kicked his foot against the wall in frustration.

"Ugh!" Eli yelled in fury before finally leaving the messy apartment.

After driving twenty minutes to the hospital where Clare rested, he spoke to the nurse at the front desk.

"I'm looking for Clare Edwards," He spoke.

"Who are you? Only family members can visit,"

"She has no family members, I'm her fiancé" Eli lied smoothly.

"Alright, room fourteen," The nurse gave up.

Eli walked down the white halls and into the room where his beautiful girlfriend lay in bed peacefully. She looked so angelic, and Eli silently wished it were him in the hospital bed and not her. He decided not to talk to her about any of it for a long time until she was better. He didn't want her to get stressed out or feel any pressure.

The solemn boy cradled his girlfriends hand in his as if it were the most precious thing on the planet. The stitches were covered in bandages and wires were underneath. Eli decided it was the saddest thing, looking at the girl of his dreams all banged up and hurt. What was even sadder was that she'd done it to herself.

The tiniest of all teardrops slid down Eli's face, leaving a crystal trail behind. He remembered being in the hospital bed, feeling sore all around and wondering where his love was.

"_Is that how Clare feels right now? Is she dreaming about me like I was about her? When she wakes up, I want to be the first thing she see's, just like she was the first thing I saw," _Eli thought.

* * *

_Clare's P.O.V. (Dreaming)_

_Where am I? The last thing I remember I was in Alli's bathroom. Everything here's so white and clean. Am I in the hospital? What's that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach? __**What happened?**_

"_Oh good, Clare. You're finally awake!" A voice came from next to me._

_I slowly opened my droopy eyes and looked at the chubby middle aged woman sitting in the chair next to the bed I was on. The room was such a clean, bright white. I knew I was in the hospital._

"_Who are you?" I asked confused. _

"_Oh, I'm your nurse. Do you remember anything that happened to you?"_

"_Well, I just remember passing out," I said, guilty. They probably knew all about my… cutting, but I didn't want to actually say it out loud._

"_Your cut was quite deep, and you lost a lot of blood. Your nutrition is also really low and you've been diagnosed with bulimia nervosa," The nurse said as if it was nothing._

_I choked up and my hands got sweaty. I'd known it was a problem, but actually hearing it diagnosed in real life made it more real. If I didn't say it, and ignored it, it just wasn't there. But once someone actually mentioned the elephant in the room, it was just… there._

"_Oh," I couldn't bring myself to form full sentences just yet._

"_In all the drama, your baby, it's gotten quite weak, and after fainting, it just…" She trailed off and turned to look at her ugly white nurse shoes._

_I waited patiently for like a second before feeling nervous. _What's wrong with my baby? What happened? _I was beginning to freak out a bit._

"_What?" I demanded._

"_Ms. Edwards, I'm sorry to tell you that you've had a miscarriage."_

"_Wha-…" I trailed off mid-word._

_I felt so much shock as my mouth fell open. How could my selfish actions kill a poor innocent baby? I'd never felt more guilty in my life. Someone died because I felt upset and fat. First my mom, and now my baby. Why not just kill me too, God! Is this some cruel game? Are you keeping me alive just to make me suffer? Because it's working. I sure hope you're happy!_

_I started to cry as droplets of water slid down my pasty cheeks. I felt my heart slowly break and my whole body tensed up. _

"_Can you leave me alone?" I finally said to the nurse._

_She walked off without another word as I sobbed about my loss. I thought of Eli and how he would be so devastated. He'd loved the baby just as much as me, if not more._

_I thought of all the different stages my kid could have gone through. I could have taught them how to walk and talk. I could have suffered watching them go to their first day of school. I could have watched Eli teach them how to ride a bike. I could have seen them with all their new friends. I could have watched them fall in love, get their heart broken, and start the cycle over again. And I could have watched them be happy. But instead, I decided to throw it all away because I wanted to be selfish. _

_I cried for who knows how long before I finally fainted in exhaustion._

_End Dream_

I shot up out of the bed. The same bed that was in the dream. The strange feeling in the pit of my stomach was gone, and my eyes weren't puffy.

"Clare?" I heard Eli's beautiful, low voice. It was music to my ears.

"Eli? What happened?" I asked frantically.

"Now isn't such a good time to talk about it. You're not fully recovered yet. But the baby isn't hurt," He offered me a small smile.

"Wait… The baby's alive?" I said surprised that it was just a dream. It seemed so real and the emotions were so true and scary.

"Yes, why wouldn't it be?" Eli asked confused with furrowed eyebrows.

"Never mind," I shook it off.

He shrugged his shoulders before grabbing my hand, "Blue eyes, promise me you'll never scare me like that again. I thought I'd lose you. I would kill myself if I ever lost you," His eyes were twinkling and my heart pumped faster and faster.

"I promise, Eli. As long as you love me and I have this baby, I'll have something to live for," I said with just as much passion that he did.

I captured his lips in mine and was mesmerized by his taste. Although I'd tasted him so many times, he would always be yummier than any dessert in the world. I missed it too, tasting him. I promised I would move in with him, and I was looking forward to the physical part of that.

I was relieved that the baby was alright, and lied back down. But I was also nervous, because my secrets were out, and when I went home, I was in for quite a bit of questioning.

**

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**Hi guys! I'm aware that it's been like a year since I last updated and everyone probably won't read my story anymore and hate me. I'm so sorry! I probably won't have enough time to update a lot, I'm sorry****. Also, I know this chapter is really short, and I apologize about that as well. But, I'll try as hard as possible, because trust me, I really want to work on this story. I know, I'm a horrible person. Please don't kill me! We just started Romeo and Juliet in English class, and I'm really excited about that. And you know what I realized? I can't write unless I have absolutely nothing to do. And that's not happening, because of all the work from school. Also, tonight's episode of Degrassi was heartbreaking. I'm not sure why but during Alli and Clare's goodbye, I just broke down in tears. I think it's because I can relate to Alli's character a lot. I'm really happy that next week there'll be Eclare and Declan and Holly J. Again, I'm so sorry! I'm not sure when I'll next update, but I'll try my hardest.**

**Also, I know this is irrelevant, but I also write poetry. One poem I wrote reminded me of this story a bit, and I felt like I should put it here. Tell me what you think of it.**

_"Nude"_

_I strip away all the layers down to the core_

_I've got no clothes on and my hairs undone and my makeup's all gone_

_Is this real? Is this photo shopped?_

_Who is this girl? Where has she been hiding?_

_Everyday I put on my happy mask and plaster a fake smile on my face_

_I walk out to town and act like things are okay_

_Do you know something real about me?_

_Have you seen my true colors?_

_Everything's fake_

_I'm a plastic and it's all good_

_From my head to my toes, and everything in-between_

_It's not true it's a costume and my whole life is a masquerade_

_I can't even remember the last time I was myself around people_

_I'm ashamed of my game_

_And I don't want you to see me_

_I'm naked_

_I'm nude_

_I'm me_


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. BY THE WAY, at first, I accidentally made Clare tell Alli about her pregnancy again but bubblycrystal pointed out my mistake so I changed it!**

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_Clare's P.O.V_

I arrived in the tiny apartment with Eli behind me hauling my luggage through the doorway. He insisted I had his bedroom, since I was carrying his baby. I tried refusing, but he eventually wore me down. I took a seat on his bed, it was firm, but not to a point where it was painful.

"We could get a softer mattress, if it's good for the baby or whatever," Eli said.

I chuckled, he was trying to sound cool, but still act like he cared, "It's alright, Eli. This is perfect," I smiled.

"Well, good," There was an awkward silence, "Look, there's something I've been wanting to ask you…" He trailed off.

I mentally kicked myself and groaned. I'd been dreading this conversation for a while. Was he going to tell me how I risked the life of our baby? Was he going to tell me off about how selfish I was being? Because, I knew deep inside that I deserved everything that was coming to me. I deserved to get yelled at, and I deserved to be fat and ugly.

"Um…" I started before staking a seat on his bed.

"Why did you do those _things_ to yourself, and not trust me enough to tell me what was wrong? I really thought our relationship was deeper than that," I tried speaking but was cut off by Eli, "I don't think I'll ever be able to look at you the same. You should have leaned on _me_ when you were feeling that way. I want to be your rock; that _is_ what I'm here for, right?"

By then a few tears crawled out of my eyes and fell to the floor.

"Eli. I'm so sorry," I managed to choke out.

"I know you are. I'm going to go take a walk. I need to think a little," Eli sounded so cold, so distant. I wanted to reach out and give him a hug, but knew he wouldn't return it.

So instead, I nodded and he left without another word. Eli's birthday was in exactly one week and two days. I needed to fix everything, and make things good again. I'd ruined them, and they'd stay ruined until I did something, or the baby was born. Speaking of, at the hospital, they informed us that our baby _girl_ was healthy and unharmed by my deeds.

Eli was ecstatic, because he'd been secretly hoping for a girl all along. But me, I didn't care, I just wanted the kid out of my body. I was about three months into the pregnancy, and I was about to start showing a bit. If I had started showing, people must have mistaken it for weight gain though.

Only once before had Eli and I discussed baby names. But in the beginning we eagerly decided that if it was a boy, we'd name him Blake, and if the baby was a girl, we'd name her Charlotte, Charlie for short, after Eli's grandmother.

We'd only told Adam about the whole pregnancy ordeal, I hadn't told Alli yet because she'd probably tell Jenna, who was also pregnant. If I told Alli I knew the whole school would find out in a day. Jenna wasn't exactly my favorite subject, but we had something in common. We both got knocked up at fifteen. One thing that separated us were the fathers, Eli was involved and in love, and KC was ignorant and heartless. I felt some remorse for the girl since she had to deal with everything herself.

I felt the time was right for the whole school to find out. They knew about my little trip to the hospital and I'm sure someone told someone who told someone who wrote it on the anti-grapevine.

I sighed before finally calling Alli.

_Eli's P.O.V._

When I left the house I was to disappointed for words. Relationships are nothing without trust, and if she had to lie to me, our relationship must be crap. I hated that Clare thought that her body wasn't beautiful, she didn't give herself enough credit, obviously. And it just broke my heart that she thought like that. The fullness of her body was part of why I thought she looked so good.

I pondered our blossoming baby girl. I knew for a fact she'd be gorgeous, maybe she'd get my hair and Clare's eyes. I promised myself, the day I found out Clare was pregnant, that I'd never treat my child like my father. I would never be my father. I'd never intentionally hurt my baby, or even dream of it, because I'd love her more than anyone else in the world.

For a long time I'd hated him, I'd wanted to murder him for what he'd done to me. But over the past few weeks, after everything that happened to Clare I realized I couldn't hate him, I could never hate him (not that I'd ever admit it). I realized, after reading Animal Farm for the fiftieth time, that you often become what you hate. You need to accept things, and understand the opposing sides in life. I understood my father, and that was enough to lessen my negative feelings towards him.

I took a deep breath and continued walking, I hadn't been on a walk in a long time. I mean I've walked, but I haven't been on one where I could just clear my head, well not recently anyways. I guess I was too consumed in my thoughts and suddenly I heard a noise.

"Umfh!"

I'd bumped into Jenna Middleton.

"Sorry!" I yelped before trying to help her up.

She reluctantly took my hand and stood up. She looked wobbly and she was holding her baby. To be honest, she looked like a mess. Her eyeliner was smudged and her hair was sitting in a tangled heap at the top of her round head.

"It's okay,"

I felt bad knocking down a pregnant girl, I mean she was just like Clare, except alone. I pitied her, KC, being a douche bag, left her in her time of need. That moment, thinking about what KC did made me realize that I wouldn't dream of leaving Clare. Sure, we all have our problems, but I love her no matter what, and our baby needs a father. I need to take care of her, and get a job and provide.

"Where's Clare Bear? Why aren't you with her?" Blondie asked.

"No reason, I'm just clearing my mind," I replied.

"What's wrong?" She asked seeing through my mask.

I began to continue walking and she followed.

"Clare and I are just having a few relationship problems, nothing major," I said not sure why I was telling her.

"I'm sure you guys will make it through everything. I mean look at me, a year ago I was a boyfriend stealer, and on the cheerleading squad. Now I'm pregnant, but I'm dealing. You can too."

I chuckled, she made me think of Quinn from Glee for a moment. Clare forced me to watch with her a few weeks ago.

"I'm sure we will. You know, I love Clare more than anything. And our baby means the world to me," I said. Since she said she was a boyfriend stealer, I wanted to make it clear she wouldn't be stealing anything from Clare, even if she wasn't thinking about it.

"That's good. Clare's one lucky girl. I really wish KC could be more like you," She said with a gloomy look on her face.

I felt uncomfortable and unsure of what to do. If she was one of my friends I would have pulled her into a gentle hug, but she wasn't. She stole Clare's ex-boyfriend and hurt her, but if she didn't Clare and I probably wouldn't be together. Then again, fate has funny way's of working. I decided that even if she hurt Clare, she needed a hug and maybe that's _all _she needed.

We stopped walking and I gave her a hug. I felt the sleeves of my left shoulder dampen the tiniest and I knew she was crying. I was never good with crying girls so I just stayed silent and rubbed her back.

She pulled away and her makeup was a mess, "Tell me exactly what happened with Clare. I need something to get my mind off of the baby."

"Well, I'm not sure if I should be telling you this," I said unsure. All the stuff that happened was private, and I don't think Clare wants the world to know she was a bulimic and a cutter.

"Oh I won't tell anyone! Please," She said with her big eyes drooping and I complied.

"Well, it all started when her parents started fighting. She needed some sort of escape and I wasn't around to help her all the time. She started cutting. And I guess somewhere along her story, she started feeling uncomfortable in her own skin, maybe because our stupid society makes people think being anorexic and skinny was beauty. So she started being bulimic. I'm trying not to be angry and disappointed with her, but it's sort of hard," I took a deep breath and looked up at her before continuing, "So instead of yelling at her I'm taking a walk. I just wish she could see what I see. She's a beautiful girl and I love her body the way it is," I concluded.

"Oh my gosh! I didn't know anything that serious was happening with Clare! You guys are so good together," Jenna exclaimed.

"I guess, but we're getting through it."

"Oh Eli! If only all the guys in the world were a little more like you."

She closed her eyes and then pushed her lips against mine.

_Chantay's P.O.V._

Woah! Was that pregnant Jenna kissing pregnant Clare's boyfriend? I smell a scandal coming! Stuff like this was what I lived for. I could almost visualize the title of my new blog! Did guys really think they could get away with this stuff? I had never imagined him cheating and especially not with Jenna, he treats her like crap in school, but it could all just be an act. Woah, what if he got Jenna pregnant too! I mean, he could be like a man whore. Oh, this blog is going to be great.

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_Clare's P.O.V._

I hadn't left my spot on the bed since Eli had left, which was what? One and a half hours ago? I finally got up and dragged myself to the bathroom, which had a leak by the way. We put a big red bucket under it and it was around halfway full. After I took a shower, I called Alli and asked her to meet me at Eli's apartment. She agreed and I began getting ready.

After I ate breakfast, I brushed my teeth and fixed my hair. I slapped on a bit of makeup and by the time I was done, the doorbell rang.

"Alli! Hi, come in."

"Hey Clare, what's going on? When you called you sounded nervous."

"I really need to talk to you," I bit my bottom lip hard.

"What? You know you can tell me anything. We used to be best friends right?"

"I know, and we kind of still are," I said quietly.

I hadn't noticed how far apart Alli and I had grown since I'd met Eli and Adam. I started feeling bad, as if I had kicked her out of our "group" of friends or something. To be honest, she didn't exactly fit, she was popular and fun, while the rest of us were, well… Misfits.

"Alright, so tell me! Just spill, Clare!"

"You know about my pregnancy, well I just really want to talk about that, I mean I've been bottling everything up inside and stuff," I mumbled.

"Are you keeping it?" Alli asked.

I answered the question, "Eli wants to keep it but I'm definitely considering adoption. I mean, we can't raise a kid, we're only sophomores and not all of us teen moms can be amazing models like Mia Jones."

"Alright Clare, I'm sure no matter what happens he'll support your decision."

"I know, but I sort of ruined everything," I said shyly.

"How?" Alli asked.

"My eating disorder and cutting. He's so angry about it and I lied to him over and over again. He had to restrain himself by going on a walk."

"I know, Sav told me. Geez, what's happened to you? You used to be so… Saintly. Clare, you've changed so much. I barely recognize you anymore," She whispered.

"Ouch."

"I'm sorry, it's true though. You're so different and I love you but you just aren't the same girl anymore. Forgive me. Ever since you started staying at my house I've noticed, you don't fold your clothes perfectly anymore, you don't take ten minute showers, or take an hour to put on makeup."

"Now you know why," I muttered before a tear slipped out of my eye.

She handed me a tissue, "You're not the only one. Remember how Drew cheated on me with that skank, Bianca?"

"Yes, how could I forget?" I answered.

She took deep breath, "Well, I know this is stupid, and you're going to kill me, but I got back together with him."

"What! Why?" I exclaimed.

I knew perfectly well why, though. Sometimes, when you love someone enough, you force yourself to look past their bad qualities and love them. I could only hope that Eli loved me that much.

"Because I think I love him," She whispered with her voice cracking.

Alli sniffled and started crying. We held each other for a few minutes just crying into our shirts.

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**Please don't hate me! I know, it's been ages since I've updated and I've realized that I can only write when I have a lot of free time, like during long vacations and the summer. I'll still update once in a while though, and hopefully finish this story eventually. I'm not putting it on hiatus or anything, just updating a lot slower. But, I have vacation now, so hopefully I can update more. Thanks for all the reviews, favorites, and alerts! Please give me more of them! I think I lost a lot of readers. This chapter wasn't that great, not much Eclare in it, sorry to disappoint. You know, I've been extremely obsessed with horror stories lately, I've read ****And Then There Were None****, by Agatha Christie and it's ingenious. Lombard and Vera, they kind of belong together. Too bad they're dead. **

**Hey, I'm also writing a new story. It's Eclare of course, I don't know when it'll be up, but it will be by the end of this week, you could author alert me if you want :). It's unlike all my other stories, I hope you read it! I have a good feeling about that story, but I haven't finished writing the first chapter quite yet. Stay tuned! By the way, I write this poem for Clare. Don't forget to tell me how horrible my poetry is.**

_Gone_

_I grabbed the closest object to me_

_Which happened to be a hairbrush_

_In my frustration I flung it_

_At the mirror across the room_

_Broken pieces shattered around my world_

_Both you and I know that a broken mirror is worth_

_Seven years of bad luck_

_Seven is a deadly number_

_It's the number of sins there are_

_I stood up and grasped one of the pieces_

_I used it to pierce my skin and blood came flowing out_

_To my surprise it felt amazing_

_But honey, where have all the smiles gone?_

_They left when you walked that door_

_And where did all the happiness run off to?_

_It followed you into your car_

_Now baby come back to me_

_So we can find a brand new mirror_


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